Title:Quick on the Shoot
Author: A collaborative effort between [livejournal.com profile] halcyondusk and [livejournal.com profile] maayacola, and dishonor to both our houses, tbh, and both our cows too.
Pairing: Lu Han/Kai
Rating: Number one most pornographic (This is literally NC-500 because you will only be ready if you’ve already been dead for four centuries.)
Warnings:50% crack, 110% ridiculous, begging, humiliation, d&s, petplay, collars, humblers, masturbation, unprotected sex, dry orgasms, ball and cock torture, orgasm denial, biting and marking, whipping (drawing blood slightly), Kai’s new hair, mentions of threesomes, everyone is gay™, voyeurism, exhibitionism, semi-public sex, MAXSTEP costumes, sex toys, actual toys, Ace the alpaca, non-sexual deer, dirty talk, harem pants, rimming, assplay, teabagging, gagging, facials, temperature play, blindfolding, and way too many feels for one awkward teenage boy to handle.
Summary: Jongin is flush with more than success, Chanyeol and Jongdae are evil, Lu Han is possibly trying to help, and Kevin mostly wants to cover his eyes and pretend he hasn’t seen anything. (...”canon-verse”, 1bajillionk words, or 38k i guess)


PART I | PART II | PART III | PART IV | PART V | footnotes


Notes 1: revenge is beautiful, and may [livejournal.com profile] leadernim and [livejournal.com profile] hyperlydian suffer, tbh. SUFFER ALL THE SUFFERS. (also [livejournal.com profile] loudestoflove, who has been caught in the crossfire). this is in the same universe as Good Fuck Charm, by annie and konnie. consider it a side story that is much longer than the original (wc x10 whoops)...and much more upsetting, because maia and jo. thank you to sam and maryam for beta work, and to tiantian and chiharu for whipcracking, and to everyone who is still our friend after they read this.
Notes 2: the actual conversation between maia and jo—
maia: we can’t do this
jo: we really can’t
maia: it’s just... that’s just... i’m just...
jo: so i’ll open gdocs.
Notes 3: (jo) so i went on a one month hiatus (final exams stabs viciously) in the middle of writing this and when i came back and...reread what we had...i wanted to cry. because i had forgotten how ridiculous this entire thing was. this is crack. all of it. this is ridiculous. ALL OF IT. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Notes 4: (maia) alternative summary is: "i will orgasm my way to clarity!" jongin thinks, putting several fingers up his own butthole.
here’s a pic for reference:
Title: Take it from the Top
Brought to you by: [livejournal.com profile] hyperlydian and [livejournal.com profile] maayacola
Pairing: Sehun/Chanyeol
Rating: R
Warnings:dick piercings (mentioned, non-graphic), allkpop, stripping, Kim Jongin
Summary: Sehun wakes up and realizes he's made a mistake. Sehun wakes up and realizes he's made a mistake. Sehun wakes up and realizes he's made a mistake. Sehun wakes up and realizes he's made a mistake. (Sehun wakes up and-- oh.)
Notes: Whelps. This happened. Surprise! (~23k)

the television is too loud )
part ii )
Title: Burn Out
Pairing: Suho/Kai
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: fluff, fuck or die, fingering, rimming, unprotected sex, forced multiple orgasms, biting, no really: egregious amounts of fluff, Sehun. (i think consent is very, very clear, but if you know the trope is not your thing, please skip it!)
Summary: Jongin’s got an itch only Junmyeon can scratch. (canon…? 18.3k)
Notes: sort of like the sex pollen trope and I am very aware that this is an unrealistic side-effect of medication haha. Also it’s been awhile since I have produced porn of this magnitude.) #f_b
Notes ii: because I write whatever annie tells me to, and because konnie and because kendra and because clawing my own face off thanks to unexpected suho feelings. Sorry, but hopefully this will tide you over until jo and I get cracking on our revenge porn.


I need your help )
Title: The Thin Line Between (Taijitu)
Pairing: Kai/ Chanyeol
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jongin’s always had people he likes best. Chanyeol’s pretty sure he’s never going to be one of those people. (34k)
Notes: This is a universe that is almost canon, but not quite. You’ll see why.
Notes ii: This is late, but it was 'recently' (read: last month) Nav-nim ([livejournal.com profile] thatdayismine)'s birthday and I’m sorry it wasn’t on time ;___; I meant to do something short but you know how that goes. i adore you nav-nim, and i hope this is not terrible and at least marginally worth the wait. thank you a million trillion times to annie, without whom this never would have gotten finished because i kept trying to throw it angrily in the trash, and who saved both my sanity and my spelling. ilu annie u r the gr8est. Also writing things that aren't about China seem to be a bit harder to make happen ;___; <3
Warnings: (highlight to see, NOTHING SCARY so if you're worried about character death or something sad happening, that's not why there are warnings bc this is me; you know it's going to be puppies and rainbows.) accidental soul bonding ((omFg)), magic, suspension of disbelief? The premise is ridiculous, obviously <3
Language Notes: Taijitu (太極圖): looks like this. Gochujang is red pepper paste! It's eaten in a Korean rice dish composed of odds and ends from the fridge called bibimbap, which means mixed-up-rice :D. banchan is the general word for side-dishes, and doshirak are packed lunches sold as sets! I think I've made almost everything else into English, save for maybe kimchi


part i )

Title: Take the Pressure
Rating: F for FILTHY
Pairing: Sehun/Baekhyun/Kai
Notes: Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry. (([livejournal.com profile] hyperlydian revenge porn)) (3.3k)
Notes ii: WHO WRITES REVENGE PORN.
Warnings: double penetration square for kink_bingo, not beta'd, this is really like, just gratuitous, i'm on medication for flu so, CAN'T BE TAMED, etc.

"Did you think that was cute?" )

Title: Fixations
Rating: S is for Spanking
Pairing: Baekhyun/ Sehun
Summary: Fixations are never a good thing where Baekhyun is concerned. (2k)
Notes: This is not beta’d and it is also possibly crack. also it is for [livejournal.com profile] tatoeba, my goddess of writing, because she's too busy to write it herself.

"I think you guys should talk it out" )

Title: Introduce Yourself
Pairing: CL/Yamapi
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Weird shit always happens to him when he comes to Korea. (800 words)
Notes: No excuses for my bad behavior; purely self indulgent. k_b: bondage and restraints. also kind of crack!porn


"what's your name?" )
Title: So Grow a Pair
Rating: NC-17 (sorry, Chiha.)
Pairing: Lu Han/Yixing, ((Lu Han/Yixing/Kris, but totally not the point))
Summary: Lu Han’s always been pretty, but he’s never been this pretty. Neither has Yixing, for that matter. (canon????, 7.8k)
Notes: FML have some xinglu genderswap ;____; This is obviously for [livejournal.com profile] chiharu, who wrote me krisyeol mpreg (sob), and this is me exacting my trope revenge. Super huge thank you to annie for reading this as I wrote it until 4am, and also thanks to saya, mc, and bing ^___^ I had a blast writing this, and in the end, it turned out ridiculous. :P
Notes ii: what if i could write crack.
Warnings: Added by request. I'm sorry for not initially including them!! This wasn't meant to be taken seriously, so it never occurred to me... Warnings for "threesome for no reason other than that i felt like it", "size queens", "unexplained magic that will never be explained," and "lu han with vague issues"  (It's just for fun. If you dislike really old fandom tropes and over-the-top characterizations that are exaggerated beyond accuracy, you probably won't like this.) 


Yixing's boobs are enormous )

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