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maayacolabackupTitle: So Grow a Pair
Rating: NC-17 (sorry, Chiha.)
Pairing: Lu Han/Yixing, ((Lu Han/Yixing/Kris, but totally not the point))
Summary: Lu Han’s always been pretty, but he’s never been this pretty. Neither has Yixing, for that matter. (canon????, 7.8k)
Notes: FML have some xinglu genderswap ;____; This is obviously for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
chiharu, who wrote me krisyeol mpreg (sob), and this is me exacting my trope revenge. Super huge thank you to annie for reading this as I wrote it until 4am, and also thanks to saya, mc, and bing ^___^ I had a blast writing this, and in the end, it turned out ridiculous. :P
Notes ii: what if i could write crack.
Warnings: Added by request. I'm sorry for not initially including them!! This wasn't meant to be taken seriously, so it never occurred to me... Warnings for "threesome for no reason other than that i felt like it", "size queens", "unexplained magic that will never be explained," and "lu han with vague issues" (It's just for fun. If you dislike really old fandom tropes and over-the-top characterizations that are exaggerated beyond accuracy, you probably won't like this.)
Lu Han’s limbs feel heavy. Not like he’s sore from dancing for twelve hours yesterday, which is what he should be feeling, but more like he’s been hit by a truck.
The last time Lu Han had felt like this was… well, probably that time in Thailand when Jongdae had gotten them all completed trashed on Korean moonshine and he’d woken up to Minseok asleep curled up in a ball clad only in a lavender thong. Lu Han’s hangover that day was enough to make that not a particularly fond memory, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t look at the pictures sometimes.
But Lu Han hadn’t been drinking last night; Lu Han had come home from rehearsal and curled up with Yixing on the sofa watching really bad teen movies while they fed each other popcorn.
“Well this is heterosexual,” Jongdae had said as Lu Han licked butter off Yixing’s fingers, and Lu Han had snorted. “And wow, Lu Han, you look so manly with your pigtails.”
“My hair is getting long,” Lu Han had said stiffly, and then he’d shoved at Yixing for putting his buttery fingers in Lu Han’s hair to pull at those pigtails. “I’m just getting it out of the way.”
“It wouldn’t be so bad,” Yixing had said, a few minutes later, and Lu Han had looked up at Yixing with wide eyes because clearly their weird soul-mate telepathy was failing, because he had no idea what Yixing was talking about. Yixing’s tongue peeked out to catch a bit of popcorn at the corner of his lips, and he blinked twice at Lu Han waiting for an opinion. When he realized that Lu Han was waiting for an explanation, he cleared his throat. “You’d be a pretty girl.”
“No,” Lu Han had said. “You’d be a pretty girl.” He’d pouted, because Lu Han’s life is a long list of people calling him lovely and he’d much rather be handsome, thank-you-very-much.
“Shh,” Yixing’d said. “I’m trying to watch the movie.”
“No you’re not,” Lu Han had retorted, but the Yixing’s nasty fingers were carding through his hair again, and Lu Han gave up and curled deeper into Yixing’s side, snagging another handful of popcorn.
So really, none of last night should have resulted in this sort of queasy feeling in Lu Han’s stomach or the way his knees crack when he pulls them up to his stomach or the way his head is pounding like he’s on the set of an f(x) video.
Lu Han lurches over in bed, rolling to his side. Water, he thinks, and some aspirin. Then he’ll feel well enough to head down to the studio and run through the new choreography one more time. Lu Han might not be the lead dancer, but Baekhyun’s been looking cocky lately and Lu Han plans to take him down a peg with his mastery.
He doesn’t bother with a shirt as he scratches at his stomach. His hair really is getting too long, Lu Han thinks, as he pushes it out of his face. He doesn’t remember it feeling this long, though; tickling at the back of his neck as he shuffles out into the hallway and heads toward the kitchen.
He feels so groggy. “Good morning,” he says, voice hoarse, as he walks over to the cabinet to get a glass. Zitao doesn’t look up from his magazine, eyes pouring over some dubious magazine that Lu Han is sure holds questionable amounts of leather bondage photos because Zitao has fetishes they’ve collectively as a group decided not to address.
“Morning,” Zitao mumbles, and Lu Han grabs a glass. He feels unbalanced as he reaches up, but his head hurts so bad that he can’t really focus on anything but the marching band in his head. He fills the glass with tap water, and punches two aspirin out from the aluminum package Kris insists they leave by the sink in case of emergencies. “Why does your voice sound so-“ Zitao cuts off mid word, and Lu Han looks up at him through bleary eyes.
“So what?”
Zitao screams and drops his magazine to the ground. Lu Han looks down, and catches site of some really huge dicks, before he realizes he has breasts and adds his own scream to the chorus.
*
“I don’t understand,” Jongdae says. “You have boobies.”
“And a vagina,” Zitao says, shuddering a little bit and scooting away like Lu Han has cooties.
“It won’t hurt you,” Minseok says soothingly, patting Zitao’s back. “It’s still Lu Han.” He looks up at Lu Han dubiously. Lu Han’s wearing a shirt now, but his nipples are poking out through the material, along with the gentle swell of a modest bosom. Lu Han’s kind of put-out that they’re not bigger—if he’s got to have breasts, he’d rather they look like a porn star’s. “I think.”
“Obviously it’s still me,” Lu Han hisses, spreading his legs and leaning back in his chair. He crosses his arms when Kris looks at him disapprovingly.
“A real lady doesn’t sit like that,” Kris says stiffly, and Lu Han scowls at him.
“I’m not a lady. I’m Lu Han! You know, your band mate? In a boyband?”
“And yet,” Jongdae says, “you have no penis.”
“Where’s Yixing?” Minseok asks, after a moment of silence, Lu Han mourning the loss of his dick as the other members look at each other searchingly.
“He was still asleep, I think,” Lu Han says, and he tries to remember if he’d seen Yixing this morning. At least his head isn’t pounding anymore; the aspirin finally doing its job. Now that there’s no pain to distract him though, Lu Han notices the little things, like the fact that the chilly air is making his nipples hard and that it feels strange to press his thighs together, his entire… lower area feeling bizarrely empty. “I was sort of on a mission to get painkillers when I woke up.”
“What’s all the noise?” Asks a smooth, familiar voice, like silk along Lu Han’s spine. “I was trying to sleep. I have a wicked headache.”
Of course, Lu Han thinks faintly, as Zitao screams again, curving into Minseok’s side, Lu Han and Yixing have always done everything together.
Yixing’s boobs are enormous.
“Hell yes,” Jongdae says, and Lu Han can faintly hear Kris smacking him upside the head as he stares at his best friend.
*
“Well,” Junmyeon says, tapping his hands anxiously on his knees in an irregular pattern. “This is unexpected.”
Lu Han snorts, and sticks his lower lip out in frustration as he plays with Yixing’s slender fingers. Yixing’s hands feel the same in Lu Han’s own, so Lu Han focuses on that instead of the fact that everything else is different and Lu Han is out of place in his own skin in a way he hasn’t felt since he was fourteen, only a hundred times worse because at least when he was fourteen he’d still had a dick, even if he couldn’t control it.
“This is great,” Baekhyun says, caught between a laugh and a leer. “Have you played with them yet?” He’s staring at Yixing’s cleavage, and Yixing shimmies a little. Kris coughs into his hand and looks away quickly, and Lu Han narrows his eyes.
“Of course not,” Lu Han says. “What is wrong with you? This isn’t funny. We have our comeback performance next week!”
There’s a moment of silence as they all consider the implications, and Chanyeol scratches the side of his face. “Maybe we can pass it off as a new concept?”
“Never open your mouth again,” Jongin replies, and Chanyeol smiles at him brightly, missing completely that he’s being insulted, as Kyungsoo buries his head in his hands, looking completely lost.
Yixing sighs, his now shoulder-length hair pulled back in a simple ponytail that Lu Han thinks suits him. Yixing’s so pretty, Lu Han thinks. He’d known he would be. “It’s going to be harder to dance like this.”
“It’ll be about the same for Lu Han, though,” Sehun says. “Flat as a board.” Jongin high fives Sehun over Kyungsoo’s hunched shoulders and Lu Han gives them both the nastiest look he can muster. His headache is coming back.
“I’m not flat,” Lu Han says, voice low and dangerous, and Yixing and his massive breasts laugh and Lu Han can’t decide if he’s more mesmerized or jealous, because he’s still a heterosexual boy and they are really—
“Yixing has such great tits,” Jongdae says, and Lu Han closes his eyes and wishes he were still asleep. “Lu Han, you’re a tits man, you can appreciate that.”
Later, as Junmyeon and Kris whisper frantically to their managers over the phone, Lu Han feels Yixing’s arm slip around his waist and tug him closer. Lu Han, out of habit, lets his face fall into the crook of Yixing’s neck, and enjoys the way Yixing smells like Old Spice despite the new and sudden softness where there used to be muscle. He’s still Yixing. Lu Han holds onto that thought like a lifeline.
“I think you’ve got great tits, too,” Yixing murmurs into Lu Han’s ear, and there’s an flutter in the pit of Lu Han’s stomach at the feeling of Yixing’s breath on the shell of his ear.
“Shut up,” Lu Han says, but he rests his hand on top of Yixing’s and snuggles a little closer.
*
Management decides that since their comeback is in November, it will be perfectly fine for EXO to wear parkas for their comeback costumes.
“We’ll asphyxiate on stage!” Jongdae wails, as he pours more and more hot sauce into his soup. He’s not even paying attention anymore, and Lu Han is positive he’s going to regret it.
“It was either that or astronaut suits,” Kris says darkly, and Jongdae stops complaining and takes a big bite of his soup and screeches like a dying orca at the fire in his mouth.
Lu Han rolls his eyes and reaches for the peppers at the same time as Zitao, who shudders when their fingers brush, withdrawing his hand quickly. He looks a little ashamed of his reaction, but Lu Han gives him a ‘no-harm-no-foul’ smile and Zitao swallows hard and discreetly wipes his hand on a napkin.
After dinner, when only Kris and Lu Han are left in the kitchen, washing the dinner dishes, Lu Han catches Kris’s heavy gaze on him. “Why didn’t you just do the comeback without us,” Lu Han says bitterly.
Kris stills, and then carefully sets the plate he’s drying on the counter, before turning to Lu Han. “EXO isn’t EXO without Lu Han and Lay,” Kris says, and Lu Han offers him a little pleased smile. “Besides, it’s only Yixing we have to worry about. You mostly look the same.” He makes a vague gesture at his chest.
Lu Han drops a plate on Kris’s foot and is only a little mad when he has to sweep up the shards later as Kris pulls the pieces of ceramic out of his skin.
*
Yixing crawls into Lu Han’s bed later that night as Lu Han tries to make himself as small as possible. Lu Han’s not crying, but his eyes sting and he feels frustrated and lost. He wraps his arms around himself and tries to keep from shaking.
But Lu Han should know better than to think he can hide things from Yixing. Yixing presses himself against Lu Han’s back, and his breasts mash into Lu Han’s shoulder blades, and it’s definitely jealousy, Lu Han thinks, as his stomach twists up into uncomfortable knots as Yixing’s hands slide up and down his arms. Yixing’s hands, that are still the same, soothe Lu Han until he feels himself drifting off.
“Don’t be sad, Lu Han,” Yixing says. “We’re in this together.” Lu Han’s eyes are heavy, but he turns around so he can look Yixing in the eyes. Yixing’s face is set in that easy-going smile, the one that can mean both ‘oops, ge, I left my passport with my mom’ or ‘hey, Lu Han, stop looking so sad, you’re not alone anymore’, and Lu Han tentatively smiles back.
“I’m not sad,” Lu Han says. “I’m just angry.”
That’s true enough, but when Yixing leans forward and presses the lightest kiss to his forehead, Lu Han feels all the anxiousness slipping away for the night. He can reclaim it in the morning, he thinks, as he falls asleep, legs tangled with Yixing’s beneath his blankets.
*
“So,” Sehun says, resting his head beneath his hands as Lu Han reads fanmail at the table.
“So?” Lu Han looks up from his current letter, which is an almost alarming list of the things the sender likes about him that he might keep for days that he wakes up and needs the self esteem boost.
“Have you... you know.”
“I don’t know,” Lu Han says. “Just spit it out.”
“Touched yourself,” Sehun whispers, eyebrows high and mouth pursed. “Jongin and I have a bet going on that—“
“No,” Lu Han says, kicking at Sehun under the table. “And even if I had-“
“I’ll bet Yixing has,” Sehun says. “If I had knockers like that-“
“I hate you so much right now,” Lu Han says candidly, and Sehun snickers into his soda.
Kyungsoo interrupts Lu Han’s attempts to see if he can melt Sehun with the power of his eyes.
“Are you staying for dinner?”
“No,” Lu Han says. “I’m definitely not.”
“I guess Tao’s coming over for dinner, then,” Sehun says, and this time, Lu Han kicks him in the nuts, because he knows just how much that hurts and right now, Sehun can’t even get revenge.
*
Lu Han explores his new body for the first time in the shower later, letting his hands wander across his small breasts and his narrower waist; across the swell of hips he’s never had before and smooth thighs that are just a bit rounder. When he touches himself, down there, for the first time, he’s surprised by the slickness, and the heat, and the way his fingers slide so easy through his folds as he curves them up and in. He bites down on his lip to keep from making a sound as he finds his clit, and he remembers, vaguely, his first girlfriend years ago, who had taught him how she liked to be touched, and he tries to mimic that now, rubbing his thumb in small circles as his middle and ring finger slip inside him.
When he comes, shuddering, knees wobbling a little as the hot water pounds down on his back, he’s not sure whether to curse Sehun or thank him.
He’s also not sure why he thinks about the way Yixing’s breath had felt along the shell of his ear, whispering ’you’ve got great tits, too’.
*
They rehearse a lot for their comeback. “Lu Han even sounds the same,” Chanyeol says, offering Lu Han an encouraging grin.
Lu Han grins back, but then Baekhyun gives them both a tiny catlike smile and says, “but that’s because Lu Han was already such a princess,” and Lu Han knows he’s only doing it to rile Lu Han up but it works.
“Now, now,” Junmyeon says as Jongdae cackles and Zitao grimaces, probably because Yixing’s boobs are pressing into his arm as he leans past him to get Kris’s attention. “Lu Han, you know Baekhyun is only teasing.”
Of course he is, but Lu Han will get him back when he least expects it, anyway.
*
It’s getting harder, Lu Han realizes, to think about Yixing as a boy when Yixing takes so well to being a girl. Yixing is not like Lu Han, lip curling back defensively, when Kris hurries to pull out her chair or Minseok blushes and hands her a glass of barley tea. She seems to accept that Zitao avoids her like she has rabies, and she hums to herself as she chooses from the bras that the coordi-noonas had procured for them after careful and embarrassing measurements that had left Lu Han feeling inadequate and Yixing looking confused.
“You’re like an actual girl,” Lu Han blurts out one day, as Yixing rubs lotion up her shaved legs. Lu Han doesn’t shave his legs, because he’s a man no matter what kind of anatomy he has, but he can’t help but let his eyes drag up that smooth pale skin and it’s humiliating the way his cheeks flush and there’s a tell-tale wetness between his legs.
Because Lu Han’s still a heterosexual man and Yixing is a really pretty girl with a great rack and also she’s Lu Han’s best friend, and that’s not confusing at all except it really is.
“I am a real girl?” Yixing says, and wipes the extra lotion on her elbows. “Let me paint your nails.”
“Absolutely not,” Lu Han says, because he has manly pride and also he thinks his heart might beat out of his chest if Yixing touches him right now.
“Alright then,” Yixing says serenely, and she picks out a bright cherry red to paint her toes.
*
“How long do you think you guys are gonna be girls?” Zitao asks tentatively one morning, as Lu Han flips through the television channels looking for something, anything interesting to watch.
“I don’t know,” Lu Han says. “I don’t even know how we became girls in the first place.”
“I, for one, think it’s great to have some T and A around the house,” Jongdae says, and Lu Han stops channel surfing and throws the remote directly at Jongdae. It smacks him in the forehead, changing the channel to some ‘Learn English’ television show, and Minseok laughs discreetly into his coffee.
“Yixing’s the tits and you’re the ass, then?” Lu Han replies.
“I think he’s talking about your ass,” Yixing says, sliding onto the sofa, practically in Lu Han’s lap, dropping her left leg over Lu Han’s right. Her skirt rides up, flashing pale thigh, and Lu Han doesn’t stop himself from touching, palm flat on the smooth skin. “You’ve got an amazing ass.”
“Yeah?” Lu Han asks, and Yixing’s cheek presses against his own. This, Lu Han thinks, is the same, and he remembers evenings with buttery popcorn and hands in his hair. The ovals of Yixing’s nails are painted soft pink, but Lu Han figures that’s not a difference he minds all that much.
“Definitely,” Minseok says, then catches himself when Lu Han looks up at him in surprise. He blushes into his mug, and Kris sighs hopelessly like his life is so much more complicated than he ever wanted it to be.
“Lu Han is so pretty,” Yixing singsongs into his ear, and Lu Han flushes even as he rubs his thumb in small soothing circles on Yixing’s thigh.
*
Lu Han thinks about it, sometimes, at night. He tries to remember what it felt like to be a boy; lean chest and hard flat stomach and arms that flexed sinuous when he bent them.
But all he can summon is the way he feels now, soft and small, and then he turns and looks at Yixing, who always sleeps on her side with her mouth open and her red hair spilling across her cheeks, and he can’t remember Yixing before this, either.
“Are we ever going to turn back?” he thinks to himself, and it’s scary to know the answer might be no.
*
When Yixing realizes that the majority of their band mates sport inconvenient hard-ons whenever she and Lu Han walk around with not enough clothing, she convinces Lu Han to make it into a game.
At first, Lu Han feels kind of guilty about it, but then he remembers that he’s the one who is suddenly a woman, and all his pity flies out the window.
Jongdae is the easiest, because as much as he talks rude nonsense, he’s actually kind of a blushing virgin, and all Lu Han has to do is walk around in his shortest shorts and reach up for things on high shelves to send Jongdae sprinting to the bathroom.
Junmyeon figures out the game within three days and tries to give them disapproving looks but in the end he just flushes a lot when Yixing and Lu Han sit on his lap at the same time and feed him kimbap. “Just don’t be too cruel,” he ends up saying, and Lu Han is a little bit cruel to Baekhyun because he has it coming but he takes it easy on some of the others, especially Minseok because he’s already admitted that Lu Han has a great ass.
Their favorite target is Kris, without a doubt, because he tries so hard not to stare. He sits around the dorm with his ankles crossed and a book in hand, and stares at it steadfastly even when Yixing walks around in just his bra, soft breasts spilling out of the top of purple lace.
“He’s a tough nut to crack,” Yixing says, leaning against the wall in the hallway, and she laughs. Lu Han forgets what they’re talking about as his heart stutters in his chest. He grabs Yixing’s wrist and pulls her a little closer, relishing the fact that Yixing’s hair still smells like Old Spice and that there are some little things that remind Lu Han of the way things used to be.
“Do you miss being a boy?” Lu Han asks, and Yixing swallows, licking his shiny lips and peering at Lu Han through mascara’d lashes.
“Sometimes,” Yixing says. Lu Han can feel her pulse speed up a little, beneath his fingers, and he wonders why.
“Only sometimes?” Lu Han is always missing it, except maybe when he touches himself in the shower or when he forgets that his body isn’t his own anymore, wound together with Yixing in a single arm-chair as they practice their Korean by taking quizzes in the latest Nylon. Those times, he’s too busy relishing the smooth slide of Yixing’s skin against his own and the way his best friend laughs to miss anything at all.
“Do you think I’m pretty, now?” Yixing asks, and it seems non-sequitur, but there’s always a method to Yixing’s madness.
“Yes,” Lu Han replies honestly, but Lu Han has always thought Yixing was pretty, even if he’d been a different sort of pretty that Lu Han could convince himself wasn’t his type.
“Then yes,” Yixing says. “Only sometimes.”
*
Their comeback stage goes well.
Chanyeol and Jongdae somehow manage to trip over air, and the coats are fucking hot, and they all still try to exit the stage in different directions, but considering those are the only problems they face, Lu Han counts himself pretty lucky and thinks this is an improvement.
“I sort of miss the harem pants now,” Jongin says, as he fingers the plastic neon green of his trousers. “This is sort of our ‘Love Like Oxygen’ phase, only worse because plastic and pastel.”
Kris looks a bit like an angry yeti, but Lu Han doesn’t think he’s all that upset, because that’s Kris’s default face and not an indicator of his actual emotions. When he realizes Lu Han is staring at him, he smiles, wide and gummy, and Lu Han smiles back.
“You alright?” Minseok asks.
Lu Han takes stock of his polka-dotted rain boots and his bright pink puffy coat and the way his skin feels like it’s about to melt off. “I’m great,” he replies. “This was better than expected.”
“We live sad lives,” Minseok says. “Because I totally agree with you, and it’s a shame that our expectations are so low.”
Lu Han might look ridiculous, but no one can see his or Yixing’s breasts and the coats come down low enough that more… observant fans aren’t going to suddenly think Lu Han and Lay have become Ken dolls.
Lu Han is a bit concerned at the way he can’t seem to stop watching Yixing, but that’s all right, he thinks, because Yixing’s always liked attention.
*
“How did this even happen?” Lu Han asks four days later, as he lies on his stomach on Yixing’s bed, letting Yixing paint his fingernails. Being a girl isn’t so bad, Lu Han’s coming to realize, because no one bursts into the shower when he’s washing no matter how long he takes, and no one thinks it’s weird when he spends hours on his make-up because he’s a girl now. (He thinks Kris is a little jealous about that, to be honest.) Also, he can go out shopping and it’s awesome because when people do double-takes, he knows it’s because he’s hot, not just because he’s famous.
Also, when they go out now, in girls’ clothes, Yixing laces their fingers together and pulls Lu Han along, and Lu Han likes that, a lot. He likes the way Yixing’s palm feels pressed against his own, and the way Yixing drags Lu Han so close to her; so close he can feel Yixing’s every exhale as they sit next to each other in a small booth at Kimbap Cheonguk, splitting an order of kimchi jigae that’s a little spicier than Yixing can take and a little milder than Lu Han prefers.
“Magic~” Yixing says, and Lu Han snorts, but not hard enough to topple the bottle of nail polish that Yixing has carefully balanced on top of a magazine as he careful applies the polish to Lu Han’s nails.
“When do you think it will end?” Lu Han asks, and Yixing doesn’t look up from where he’s carefully adding color to Lu Han’s pinky nail.
“Who knows?” Yixing says. “Hopefully before I go home to visit my family.”
Lu Han’s not sure his parents would even notice if he played his cards right. He’s not sure they would care even if he didn’t.
“How can you be so calm about this?”
“Because I have you,” Yixing says. “We’re in this together.”
“And you have great tits,” Lu Han says. Yixing pulls the brush away, dipping it back in the color, and he meets Lu Han’s eyes.
“Yeah,” he says. “That too.”
*
“Is it different making out with Yixing as a girl than it is as a boy?” Sehun asks, and his eyes flicker over to Jongin of all people, for a moment, which is absolutely gross and Lu Han refuses to think about it. Still, he’s got to be a good ge and answer the question—
“What?”
“Is it different, kissing as a girl? Kissing girls?” Sehun takes a sip of his bubble tea and Lu Han almost prays Jongin’s order comes up in the next ten seconds so he can saunter over to their table and ruin Lu Han’s life in a different way than this.
“Oh my god,” Lu Han says. “It’s not like that.” He’s not thinking of Yixing’s boobs pressing into his back as Yixing’s palms press into his belly as he speaks, and if he’s blushing, it’s just because he’s mortified by the accusation, not feeling guilty about the fact that it’s Yixing’s mouth and not his fantastic bustline that has Lu Han spasming around his own fingers in the shower. “No.”
“No, it’s not different?” Sehun furrows his brows.
“No, it’s not like that.” Lu Han ‘s bra strap is digging into his shoulder; it’s twisted, and it’s annoying, so he picks at it to straighten it. “We’re not like that.”
“Wait, are you serious?” Sehun actually looks speechless, so maybe there is some, miniscule use to the fact that Sehun thought he and Yixing have been, well, more than just best friends since who knows when. “But everyone-“
“Oh, that’s terrific,” Lu Han says, and Jongin squishes into the booth next to Sehun. “For your information, Yixing and I are just best friends, and we don’t make-out because that would be weird.”
“You don’t?” Jongin only seems mildly interested, and Sehun is looking amused at Lu Han’s mortified face. “Everyone totally thinks you do, though.”
“Well everyone can suck my dick,” Lu Han says, and Jongin sprays bubble tea right out of his nose.
“What dick?” Jongin asks, and then he and Sehun high five like they’ve been waiting to use that joke for a month.
They probably have been, Lu Han thinks spitefully, and he doesn’t wish Yixing was sitting next to him at all when Sehun rests his head on Jongin’s shoulder.
*
“Does everyone really think Yixing and I are dating?”
“You aren’t?” Zitao is finally getting used to being around Lu Han again, although Yixing still seems to be a hopeless cause. Lu Han would be more offended if he hadn’t been starting to miss Zitao.
“No,” Lu Han says. “We’re best friends.”
“I just always thought…” Zitao shrugs, and picks up his magazine again. The picture on the front is of a car and Lu Han wonders if it’s actually cars between that front and back cover. “Ah, well, I guess not.”
“I’m not gay,” Lu Han says. “I like girls.”
“Well, now Yixing-ge is a…” he shivers. “A girl.”
The bottom drops out of Lu Han’s stomach, because yeah, Zitao is right, and of course Lu Han has noticed the smooth curves of Yixing’s hips and yeah, he wants to touch them sometimes, but Yixing is his best friend and there are lines Lu Han’s not going to cross just because he woke up one day with a vagina and boobs that aren’t big enough and a heart that won’t stop leaping at that touch.
The real issue, though, is when Lu Han stops to think about it, the way he considers Yixing now isn’t any different than the way he considered Yixing before, only now, when everything else is turned upside down, Lu Han can see more clearly just how deep those feelings run, and it freaks him out. It freaks him out more than the vagina does, and that’s saying something.
“We’re not dating,” Lu Han says half-heartedly, and he thinks about sucking butter off of Yixing’s fingers as a boy and pressing warm against Yixing in a restaurant as a girl, and wonders if maybe they are.
*
EXO-M heads back to China on the first of December. Lu Han has been stuck as a girl for almost two months, now, and his and Yixing’s game isn’t really fun anymore because the other members have gotten desensitized to their pranks.
“I hope you come back with your junk,” Chanyeol says sincerely as he hugs Lu Han goodbye, and Baekhyun smacks his ass “because it looked like a good target.”
Sehun frowns and Lu Han musses his hair because he knows Sehun hates it but Lu Han’s still his big brother even if he’s a girl now.
On the plane, Yixing falls asleep on his shoulder, and Lu Han gets a cramp in his neck trying not to move so he doesn’t wake Yixing up. Yixing’s breath is hot on his neck and Lu Han crushes his hands into fists and tells himself not to want anything more than this, even as he rests his head on top of Yixing’s, tendrils of Yixing’s hair getting caught on his lips and Yixing’s hands coming up to grab handfuls of Lu Han’s sweatshirt.
*
It takes Lu Han three days before he manages to figure out that he’s not going to be able to get over this… whatever this feeling is… until he talks it out with Yixing, just like he talks everything over with Yixing, who listens with his, no… her head tilted sideways and a soft, inscrutable smile on her lips.
She’s doing that now, as Lu Han talks about their gossiping band mates and heterosexuality, and being jealous of Yixing’s breasts and Old Spice and Yixing’s hands and wanting to taste the skin on Yixing’s neck. Lu Han spills it all out, words tumbling over each other in his rush to get them out, and Yixing just listens, carefully. When Lu Han is done, he looks up, and she’s studying him, her eyes a little bright.
Yixing’s hair curls around her face a little; a face that is rounder and smoother now that he’s a her, and her eyelashes are long and pretty, and Lu Han’s throat feels a little dry.
“Hey,” Yixing says, and nudges him with a foot that’s smaller and more elegant than Lu Han’s own, aquamarine polish applied yesterday already chipping because Yixing can’t stop herself from kicking the table leg during dinner. “Hey.”
“’Hey’ what?” Lu Han says, or starts to say, only Yixing’s kissing him so it comes out more like a muffled moan. Yixing’s lips are sticky with the glitter lip gloss Lu Han thinks makes her look like a heavy-handed teenager, and they taste like vanilla and chemicals, but the inside of her mouth is warm and wet and tastes like instant noodles, and that’s infinitely better.
Yixing’s hand comes up and fists in his hair, pulling at the long strands, and Lu Han hisses and bites down on Yixing’s lip, which makes her swear and giggle. Yixing gets her revenge by breaking apart from Lu Han and dragging those sticky lips across Lu Han’s cheek and along his jaw.
“Is this a bad idea?” Lu Han asks, as Yixing pushes him back to the bed, straddling him with warm thighs, her skirt scrunching up around her waist. “Like, is this going to make things weird, or-“
“I thought you were a tits man,” Yixing says, and Lu Han swallows as she leans forward and offers Lu Han a view of her ample cleavage. Lu Han’s still kind of jealous, but mostly he just wants to cup them in his palms and see if they’re as soft as they look. “I’ve been told I’ve got great tits.”
“Yeah,” Lu Han says, and then Yixing is kissing him again, long nails scratching lightly up Lu Han’s belly, and Lu Han forgets all the reasons he should be protesting because this is maybe what he’s been wanting all along.
Yixing finds Lu Han’s nipples with thumbs and index fingers, rolling the nubs between them and pulling mewls from Lu Han’s lips that would be humiliating if everything didn’t feel so warm and good.
“Yixing,” Lu Han says, and Yixing smiles and claims Lu Han’s mouth again, tongue curling around his and Lu Han’s lost in the heat of it; Yixing’s hand are now on Lu Han’s ribs, and oh, Lu Han hadn’t realized the sides of his breasts were so sensitive but they are, heat pooling low in his belly at the light touches.
Lu Han keeps his own hands clenched in the sheets of Yixing’s bed, and gasps when Yixing sucks his lower lip into his mouth. “You can touch,” Yixing whispers against his mouth.
Lu Han swallows his nerves and brings his hands up to touch. He slides hesitant yet curious fingers up under Yixing’s shirt, and marvels at how different she feels from Lu Han. Soft in different ways. “You’re so…”
Perfect. Lu Han thinks, because it’s kind of true and because not many people get someone so hot and also so special and funny and the other half of their soul all wrapped up in one person.
“You too,” Yixing says, and his mouth trails fire down Lu Han’s neck and Lu Han’s breath comes quick and fierce. “Can I-“ He pulls up on Lu Han’s shirt.
And then thin sweaters and bras are hitting the floor, and Lu Han’s palms are full of Yixing’s breasts, which do feel as soft as they look, and Yixing’s mouth is closing in on one of Lu Han’s nipples and Lu Han’s not sure if he’ll survive this because he feels too much, and not all of it is physical.
“How is this happening?” He lifts himself up, and yeah, his abs are still strong enough to hold him there as he licks at one of the soft pink buds. Yixing trembles, a little, and Lu Han admires the rosy flush that crawls from his chest all the way up to porcelain cheeks.
“Because I’m so pretty, now,” Yixing says, and there’s the sticky remains of gloss at the corners of his lips, and it tastes nasty but Lu Han wants to lick it off anyway. Lu Han also wants to tell Yixing he’s always been pretty, but then Yixing’s hand is wriggling into Lu Han’s underwear and Lu Han’s at a loss for words because just like handjobs, this feels better when someone else does it.
Later, when they’re spent and winded and Yixing is puffing into his ear, mumbling something about getting snacks, Lu Han wonders it would feel any different if they were boys, and that thought makes his heart ache, a little, even as he pulls Yixing closer.
*
After that, it’s hard to stop making out like high schoolers, exploring unfamiliar bodies with familiar smiles and anxious lips. They try to keep it secret from the others, but it’s only a few days before Kris walks in on them right as Lu Han rests Yixing’s knee on his shoulder, two fingers in her folds as he leans forward to add his tongue to the experiment.
“Oh,” Kris says, and his whole face is red, and Lu Han laughs as Yixing whines. Lu Han clicks his tongue and pushes his fingers in and out steadily, studying Kris as his eyes drop to where Yixing is spread out on the bed, wet and cheeks flushed. “I’ll just—“
“No,” Yixing huffs, sucking his lower lip into his mouth. “I wanna know how that feels, too.”
Lu Han looks down at Yixing and pulls his fingers free, standing up from the bed to walk over to Kris.
Kris’s eyes are wider than Lu Han’s ever seen them, and his khakis, that are ironed because Kris is an embarrassment even on the weekends, are tented with obvious interest in the proceedings.
“Well, duizhang,” Lu Han says, “I’d guess you’d better get naked.”
“I—“
Lu Han grabs his white and red striped sweater and pulls him closer. “Unless you don’t want to fuck Yixing?”
“I never said that,” Kris says, and Lu Han can see him visibly melt into his stage persona as he undoes his belt.
As Kris pounds into Yixing, Yixing screaming as Kris pushes harder and deeper, Yixing opens her eyes and finds Lu Han, and doesn’t drop Lu Han’s gaze until she’s coming, Kris grunting as she squeezes tight around him, and Lu Han suddenly feels angry and selfish and like he doesn’t want anyone else to ever touch Yixing again.
Which is weird, because Yixing is his best friend, and it’s not supposed to be like this, at all. Lu Han had dreamed, once, of Yixing being the best man at his wedding and now suddenly Yixing’s the bride and that’s—it’s enough to have Lu Han coming by his own hand as Kris climaxes, ugly tattoo gleaming in the light as he holds himself up over Yixing who shivers and isn’t looking at Kris at all.
*
“So like, I’m super glad you guys are having hot lesbian sex all the time, but I haven’t slept in four days,” Jongdae says conversationally. “And also I am mildly miffed that you fucked Kris in some hot threesome but that is neither here nor there.”
“Go away,” Lu Han says, pillowing his head on his arms.
“Is everything okay?” Minseok asks. “I promise Zitao will get over it; it’s just all the sex reminded him that he’d been spending prolonged amounts of time around vaginas and you know his phobia-“
“It’s not about Zitao,” Lu Han says. “It’s about Yixing.”
“Wow, it must be so hard to be madly in love with someone who is also madly in love with you.” Jongdae rolls his eyes. “Lu Han please.”
“But what if-“
“No,” Jongdae says. “Shut up. Go back to the lesbian sex. At least I can get off on that.”
Minseok pinches Jongdae’s arm. “Lu Han, it’s not that complicated. Just-“
“It’s not that complicated?” Lu Han stands up and does a sweeping have we forgotten that I now have breasts and a vagina motion, and Jongdae laughs and turns it into a concerned cough when Minseok turns to glare at him.
“Well, it’s a little complicated, but let’s be honest, Lu Han. Has anything really changed?”
The answer, if Lu Han really thinks about it, is no.
Because he loves Yixing, and it doesn’t really matter if he has that great rack or not.
*
“Why don’t you want to be a boy again,” Lu Han asks, twirling a piece of Yixing’s hair around his finger. Yixing sighs, and it’s resigned, like she’s been waiting for this question and she thinks Lu Han should already know the answer.
Maybe he should.
She slides her foot, clad in a cute pink knee-sock, down along Lu Han’s calf as she bites cutely on her lower lip. It’s such an Yixing thing to do; something Yixing has always done when he’s not sure he wants to speak, and now she’s doing it, because she’s him. This Yixing is still Lu Han’s Yixing, just wrapped in a different package and Lu Han cares a lot less about packaging than he’d thought.. “Because…” she draws off, and Lu Han lets his hand fall from her hair to find her cheek.
“Because?” Her skin is warm. Lu Han drags his hand down, scraping lightly across collarbones and resting above her heart. He can feel it beating so fast beneath his palm, and the rayon catches on skin that’s a little too rough to be a real lady’s hands.
“You like me like this,” Yixing says, dimple appearing as she smiles wryly. “And you never would have kissed me, before, if I were still a boy, and-“
Lu Han leans forward and kisses her, gently, but hard enough that she knows he means business. “You might be right,” Lu Han says. “But only because I wouldn’t have figured out that I wanted to kiss you, not because you weren’t already…” Lu Han thinks about the way sometimes, Yixing’s the only one who can keep him calm. “I already was in love with you, I just didn’t realize it.”
And then Yixing is shoving him back, a weird mix of Old Spice and bubble gum, and Lu Han thinks everything will be alright, as long as Yixing keeps kissing him just like this.
*
Lu Han wakes up naked with a pounding headache and a hard-on.
This feels like every morning after night of heavy drinking, except Lu Han hadn’t been drinking last night, and there’s no reason Lu Han should be naked.
Wait. Lu Han has a hard-on. Which means that he has a dick to get hard, which means he’s a boy again and he doesn’t have to worry about boobs that are too small or the fans taking weird invasive pictures of his crotch anymore.
He rolls over, headache secondary to the wondrous feeling of once again being able to pee standing up, and he encounters another warm, lean, distinctly male body.
Yixing looks peaceful in sleep, Lu Han thinks. Kind of stupid, too; his mouth hangs open and he’s got a bit of drool coming down the side of his mouth and onto his cheek, and Lu Han knows he’s in love because he’s not even judging.
Yixing must feel Lu Han watching him, because he opens his eyes, a slow flutter that suddenly becomes complete awakeness as his hands fly up to his chest. “I was sort of getting used to those,” Yixing says, voice cracking.
“I’m not going to kiss you now,” Lu Han says, and Yixing’s eyes flicker up to him with a little bit of trepidation and a little bit of sadness. “But that is only because you sleep with your mouth open and your breath is probably terrible.”
Yixing’s eyes go wide, and then he laughs, and climbs out of bed. He stumbles a little, reasserting himself in his body; getting used to his old set of legs that maybe put a bit more spring in his step, and Lu Han thinks he likes this body just as much, if not more, than the other one, if only because he’s known this Yixing a little longer.
“Lu Han,” Yixing says, and Lu Han looks up from his casual perusal of Yixing’s ass to meet an amused, and relieved, gaze. “Your breath isn’t so great, either.”
“Good point,” Lu Han says, and he follows Yixing to the bathroom.
They end up giving each other handjobs in the shower, and then frotting against the wall as Yixing screams and claws at the tiles, and Lu Han thinks this is going to work out just fine. “You’ve still got a great ass,” Yixing says, as he digs his fingers into it to pull Lu Han closer, and Lu Han leans forward to lick a stripe up the prominent center of Yixing’s sternum.
“You’ve still got a great set of tits,” Lu Han replies, and Yixing laughs, and then comes all over Lu Han’s belly, and Lu Han’s not far behind him.
Kris is only a little mad when he finds out they’ve flooded the bathroom, but Lu Han thinks he’s still a little soft on them because of that threesome.
Still, Yixing’s hand feels perfect in his own.
*
When Lu Han gets back to Korea, the first thing he does is find Sehun to inform him that kissing is way different with boys than with girls, and Lu Han is greatly gratified when Sehun pulls out a pad of paper to take notes.
Rating: NC-17 (sorry, Chiha.)
Pairing: Lu Han/Yixing, ((Lu Han/Yixing/Kris, but totally not the point))
Summary: Lu Han’s always been pretty, but he’s never been this pretty. Neither has Yixing, for that matter. (canon????, 7.8k)
Notes: FML have some xinglu genderswap ;____; This is obviously for
chiharu, who wrote me krisyeol mpreg (sob), and this is me exacting my trope revenge. Super huge thank you to annie for reading this as I wrote it until 4am, and also thanks to saya, mc, and bing ^___^ I had a blast writing this, and in the end, it turned out ridiculous. :PNotes ii: what if i could write crack.
Warnings: Added by request. I'm sorry for not initially including them!! This wasn't meant to be taken seriously, so it never occurred to me... Warnings for "threesome for no reason other than that i felt like it", "size queens", "unexplained magic that will never be explained," and "lu han with vague issues" (It's just for fun. If you dislike really old fandom tropes and over-the-top characterizations that are exaggerated beyond accuracy, you probably won't like this.)
Lu Han’s limbs feel heavy. Not like he’s sore from dancing for twelve hours yesterday, which is what he should be feeling, but more like he’s been hit by a truck.
The last time Lu Han had felt like this was… well, probably that time in Thailand when Jongdae had gotten them all completed trashed on Korean moonshine and he’d woken up to Minseok asleep curled up in a ball clad only in a lavender thong. Lu Han’s hangover that day was enough to make that not a particularly fond memory, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t look at the pictures sometimes.
But Lu Han hadn’t been drinking last night; Lu Han had come home from rehearsal and curled up with Yixing on the sofa watching really bad teen movies while they fed each other popcorn.
“Well this is heterosexual,” Jongdae had said as Lu Han licked butter off Yixing’s fingers, and Lu Han had snorted. “And wow, Lu Han, you look so manly with your pigtails.”
“My hair is getting long,” Lu Han had said stiffly, and then he’d shoved at Yixing for putting his buttery fingers in Lu Han’s hair to pull at those pigtails. “I’m just getting it out of the way.”
“It wouldn’t be so bad,” Yixing had said, a few minutes later, and Lu Han had looked up at Yixing with wide eyes because clearly their weird soul-mate telepathy was failing, because he had no idea what Yixing was talking about. Yixing’s tongue peeked out to catch a bit of popcorn at the corner of his lips, and he blinked twice at Lu Han waiting for an opinion. When he realized that Lu Han was waiting for an explanation, he cleared his throat. “You’d be a pretty girl.”
“No,” Lu Han had said. “You’d be a pretty girl.” He’d pouted, because Lu Han’s life is a long list of people calling him lovely and he’d much rather be handsome, thank-you-very-much.
“Shh,” Yixing’d said. “I’m trying to watch the movie.”
“No you’re not,” Lu Han had retorted, but the Yixing’s nasty fingers were carding through his hair again, and Lu Han gave up and curled deeper into Yixing’s side, snagging another handful of popcorn.
So really, none of last night should have resulted in this sort of queasy feeling in Lu Han’s stomach or the way his knees crack when he pulls them up to his stomach or the way his head is pounding like he’s on the set of an f(x) video.
Lu Han lurches over in bed, rolling to his side. Water, he thinks, and some aspirin. Then he’ll feel well enough to head down to the studio and run through the new choreography one more time. Lu Han might not be the lead dancer, but Baekhyun’s been looking cocky lately and Lu Han plans to take him down a peg with his mastery.
He doesn’t bother with a shirt as he scratches at his stomach. His hair really is getting too long, Lu Han thinks, as he pushes it out of his face. He doesn’t remember it feeling this long, though; tickling at the back of his neck as he shuffles out into the hallway and heads toward the kitchen.
He feels so groggy. “Good morning,” he says, voice hoarse, as he walks over to the cabinet to get a glass. Zitao doesn’t look up from his magazine, eyes pouring over some dubious magazine that Lu Han is sure holds questionable amounts of leather bondage photos because Zitao has fetishes they’ve collectively as a group decided not to address.
“Morning,” Zitao mumbles, and Lu Han grabs a glass. He feels unbalanced as he reaches up, but his head hurts so bad that he can’t really focus on anything but the marching band in his head. He fills the glass with tap water, and punches two aspirin out from the aluminum package Kris insists they leave by the sink in case of emergencies. “Why does your voice sound so-“ Zitao cuts off mid word, and Lu Han looks up at him through bleary eyes.
“So what?”
Zitao screams and drops his magazine to the ground. Lu Han looks down, and catches site of some really huge dicks, before he realizes he has breasts and adds his own scream to the chorus.
*
“I don’t understand,” Jongdae says. “You have boobies.”
“And a vagina,” Zitao says, shuddering a little bit and scooting away like Lu Han has cooties.
“It won’t hurt you,” Minseok says soothingly, patting Zitao’s back. “It’s still Lu Han.” He looks up at Lu Han dubiously. Lu Han’s wearing a shirt now, but his nipples are poking out through the material, along with the gentle swell of a modest bosom. Lu Han’s kind of put-out that they’re not bigger—if he’s got to have breasts, he’d rather they look like a porn star’s. “I think.”
“Obviously it’s still me,” Lu Han hisses, spreading his legs and leaning back in his chair. He crosses his arms when Kris looks at him disapprovingly.
“A real lady doesn’t sit like that,” Kris says stiffly, and Lu Han scowls at him.
“I’m not a lady. I’m Lu Han! You know, your band mate? In a boyband?”
“And yet,” Jongdae says, “you have no penis.”
“Where’s Yixing?” Minseok asks, after a moment of silence, Lu Han mourning the loss of his dick as the other members look at each other searchingly.
“He was still asleep, I think,” Lu Han says, and he tries to remember if he’d seen Yixing this morning. At least his head isn’t pounding anymore; the aspirin finally doing its job. Now that there’s no pain to distract him though, Lu Han notices the little things, like the fact that the chilly air is making his nipples hard and that it feels strange to press his thighs together, his entire… lower area feeling bizarrely empty. “I was sort of on a mission to get painkillers when I woke up.”
“What’s all the noise?” Asks a smooth, familiar voice, like silk along Lu Han’s spine. “I was trying to sleep. I have a wicked headache.”
Of course, Lu Han thinks faintly, as Zitao screams again, curving into Minseok’s side, Lu Han and Yixing have always done everything together.
Yixing’s boobs are enormous.
“Hell yes,” Jongdae says, and Lu Han can faintly hear Kris smacking him upside the head as he stares at his best friend.
*
“Well,” Junmyeon says, tapping his hands anxiously on his knees in an irregular pattern. “This is unexpected.”
Lu Han snorts, and sticks his lower lip out in frustration as he plays with Yixing’s slender fingers. Yixing’s hands feel the same in Lu Han’s own, so Lu Han focuses on that instead of the fact that everything else is different and Lu Han is out of place in his own skin in a way he hasn’t felt since he was fourteen, only a hundred times worse because at least when he was fourteen he’d still had a dick, even if he couldn’t control it.
“This is great,” Baekhyun says, caught between a laugh and a leer. “Have you played with them yet?” He’s staring at Yixing’s cleavage, and Yixing shimmies a little. Kris coughs into his hand and looks away quickly, and Lu Han narrows his eyes.
“Of course not,” Lu Han says. “What is wrong with you? This isn’t funny. We have our comeback performance next week!”
There’s a moment of silence as they all consider the implications, and Chanyeol scratches the side of his face. “Maybe we can pass it off as a new concept?”
“Never open your mouth again,” Jongin replies, and Chanyeol smiles at him brightly, missing completely that he’s being insulted, as Kyungsoo buries his head in his hands, looking completely lost.
Yixing sighs, his now shoulder-length hair pulled back in a simple ponytail that Lu Han thinks suits him. Yixing’s so pretty, Lu Han thinks. He’d known he would be. “It’s going to be harder to dance like this.”
“It’ll be about the same for Lu Han, though,” Sehun says. “Flat as a board.” Jongin high fives Sehun over Kyungsoo’s hunched shoulders and Lu Han gives them both the nastiest look he can muster. His headache is coming back.
“I’m not flat,” Lu Han says, voice low and dangerous, and Yixing and his massive breasts laugh and Lu Han can’t decide if he’s more mesmerized or jealous, because he’s still a heterosexual boy and they are really—
“Yixing has such great tits,” Jongdae says, and Lu Han closes his eyes and wishes he were still asleep. “Lu Han, you’re a tits man, you can appreciate that.”
Later, as Junmyeon and Kris whisper frantically to their managers over the phone, Lu Han feels Yixing’s arm slip around his waist and tug him closer. Lu Han, out of habit, lets his face fall into the crook of Yixing’s neck, and enjoys the way Yixing smells like Old Spice despite the new and sudden softness where there used to be muscle. He’s still Yixing. Lu Han holds onto that thought like a lifeline.
“I think you’ve got great tits, too,” Yixing murmurs into Lu Han’s ear, and there’s an flutter in the pit of Lu Han’s stomach at the feeling of Yixing’s breath on the shell of his ear.
“Shut up,” Lu Han says, but he rests his hand on top of Yixing’s and snuggles a little closer.
*
Management decides that since their comeback is in November, it will be perfectly fine for EXO to wear parkas for their comeback costumes.
“We’ll asphyxiate on stage!” Jongdae wails, as he pours more and more hot sauce into his soup. He’s not even paying attention anymore, and Lu Han is positive he’s going to regret it.
“It was either that or astronaut suits,” Kris says darkly, and Jongdae stops complaining and takes a big bite of his soup and screeches like a dying orca at the fire in his mouth.
Lu Han rolls his eyes and reaches for the peppers at the same time as Zitao, who shudders when their fingers brush, withdrawing his hand quickly. He looks a little ashamed of his reaction, but Lu Han gives him a ‘no-harm-no-foul’ smile and Zitao swallows hard and discreetly wipes his hand on a napkin.
After dinner, when only Kris and Lu Han are left in the kitchen, washing the dinner dishes, Lu Han catches Kris’s heavy gaze on him. “Why didn’t you just do the comeback without us,” Lu Han says bitterly.
Kris stills, and then carefully sets the plate he’s drying on the counter, before turning to Lu Han. “EXO isn’t EXO without Lu Han and Lay,” Kris says, and Lu Han offers him a little pleased smile. “Besides, it’s only Yixing we have to worry about. You mostly look the same.” He makes a vague gesture at his chest.
Lu Han drops a plate on Kris’s foot and is only a little mad when he has to sweep up the shards later as Kris pulls the pieces of ceramic out of his skin.
*
Yixing crawls into Lu Han’s bed later that night as Lu Han tries to make himself as small as possible. Lu Han’s not crying, but his eyes sting and he feels frustrated and lost. He wraps his arms around himself and tries to keep from shaking.
But Lu Han should know better than to think he can hide things from Yixing. Yixing presses himself against Lu Han’s back, and his breasts mash into Lu Han’s shoulder blades, and it’s definitely jealousy, Lu Han thinks, as his stomach twists up into uncomfortable knots as Yixing’s hands slide up and down his arms. Yixing’s hands, that are still the same, soothe Lu Han until he feels himself drifting off.
“Don’t be sad, Lu Han,” Yixing says. “We’re in this together.” Lu Han’s eyes are heavy, but he turns around so he can look Yixing in the eyes. Yixing’s face is set in that easy-going smile, the one that can mean both ‘oops, ge, I left my passport with my mom’ or ‘hey, Lu Han, stop looking so sad, you’re not alone anymore’, and Lu Han tentatively smiles back.
“I’m not sad,” Lu Han says. “I’m just angry.”
That’s true enough, but when Yixing leans forward and presses the lightest kiss to his forehead, Lu Han feels all the anxiousness slipping away for the night. He can reclaim it in the morning, he thinks, as he falls asleep, legs tangled with Yixing’s beneath his blankets.
*
“So,” Sehun says, resting his head beneath his hands as Lu Han reads fanmail at the table.
“So?” Lu Han looks up from his current letter, which is an almost alarming list of the things the sender likes about him that he might keep for days that he wakes up and needs the self esteem boost.
“Have you... you know.”
“I don’t know,” Lu Han says. “Just spit it out.”
“Touched yourself,” Sehun whispers, eyebrows high and mouth pursed. “Jongin and I have a bet going on that—“
“No,” Lu Han says, kicking at Sehun under the table. “And even if I had-“
“I’ll bet Yixing has,” Sehun says. “If I had knockers like that-“
“I hate you so much right now,” Lu Han says candidly, and Sehun snickers into his soda.
Kyungsoo interrupts Lu Han’s attempts to see if he can melt Sehun with the power of his eyes.
“Are you staying for dinner?”
“No,” Lu Han says. “I’m definitely not.”
“I guess Tao’s coming over for dinner, then,” Sehun says, and this time, Lu Han kicks him in the nuts, because he knows just how much that hurts and right now, Sehun can’t even get revenge.
*
Lu Han explores his new body for the first time in the shower later, letting his hands wander across his small breasts and his narrower waist; across the swell of hips he’s never had before and smooth thighs that are just a bit rounder. When he touches himself, down there, for the first time, he’s surprised by the slickness, and the heat, and the way his fingers slide so easy through his folds as he curves them up and in. He bites down on his lip to keep from making a sound as he finds his clit, and he remembers, vaguely, his first girlfriend years ago, who had taught him how she liked to be touched, and he tries to mimic that now, rubbing his thumb in small circles as his middle and ring finger slip inside him.
When he comes, shuddering, knees wobbling a little as the hot water pounds down on his back, he’s not sure whether to curse Sehun or thank him.
He’s also not sure why he thinks about the way Yixing’s breath had felt along the shell of his ear, whispering ’you’ve got great tits, too’.
*
They rehearse a lot for their comeback. “Lu Han even sounds the same,” Chanyeol says, offering Lu Han an encouraging grin.
Lu Han grins back, but then Baekhyun gives them both a tiny catlike smile and says, “but that’s because Lu Han was already such a princess,” and Lu Han knows he’s only doing it to rile Lu Han up but it works.
“Now, now,” Junmyeon says as Jongdae cackles and Zitao grimaces, probably because Yixing’s boobs are pressing into his arm as he leans past him to get Kris’s attention. “Lu Han, you know Baekhyun is only teasing.”
Of course he is, but Lu Han will get him back when he least expects it, anyway.
*
It’s getting harder, Lu Han realizes, to think about Yixing as a boy when Yixing takes so well to being a girl. Yixing is not like Lu Han, lip curling back defensively, when Kris hurries to pull out her chair or Minseok blushes and hands her a glass of barley tea. She seems to accept that Zitao avoids her like she has rabies, and she hums to herself as she chooses from the bras that the coordi-noonas had procured for them after careful and embarrassing measurements that had left Lu Han feeling inadequate and Yixing looking confused.
“You’re like an actual girl,” Lu Han blurts out one day, as Yixing rubs lotion up her shaved legs. Lu Han doesn’t shave his legs, because he’s a man no matter what kind of anatomy he has, but he can’t help but let his eyes drag up that smooth pale skin and it’s humiliating the way his cheeks flush and there’s a tell-tale wetness between his legs.
Because Lu Han’s still a heterosexual man and Yixing is a really pretty girl with a great rack and also she’s Lu Han’s best friend, and that’s not confusing at all except it really is.
“I am a real girl?” Yixing says, and wipes the extra lotion on her elbows. “Let me paint your nails.”
“Absolutely not,” Lu Han says, because he has manly pride and also he thinks his heart might beat out of his chest if Yixing touches him right now.
“Alright then,” Yixing says serenely, and she picks out a bright cherry red to paint her toes.
*
“How long do you think you guys are gonna be girls?” Zitao asks tentatively one morning, as Lu Han flips through the television channels looking for something, anything interesting to watch.
“I don’t know,” Lu Han says. “I don’t even know how we became girls in the first place.”
“I, for one, think it’s great to have some T and A around the house,” Jongdae says, and Lu Han stops channel surfing and throws the remote directly at Jongdae. It smacks him in the forehead, changing the channel to some ‘Learn English’ television show, and Minseok laughs discreetly into his coffee.
“Yixing’s the tits and you’re the ass, then?” Lu Han replies.
“I think he’s talking about your ass,” Yixing says, sliding onto the sofa, practically in Lu Han’s lap, dropping her left leg over Lu Han’s right. Her skirt rides up, flashing pale thigh, and Lu Han doesn’t stop himself from touching, palm flat on the smooth skin. “You’ve got an amazing ass.”
“Yeah?” Lu Han asks, and Yixing’s cheek presses against his own. This, Lu Han thinks, is the same, and he remembers evenings with buttery popcorn and hands in his hair. The ovals of Yixing’s nails are painted soft pink, but Lu Han figures that’s not a difference he minds all that much.
“Definitely,” Minseok says, then catches himself when Lu Han looks up at him in surprise. He blushes into his mug, and Kris sighs hopelessly like his life is so much more complicated than he ever wanted it to be.
“Lu Han is so pretty,” Yixing singsongs into his ear, and Lu Han flushes even as he rubs his thumb in small soothing circles on Yixing’s thigh.
*
Lu Han thinks about it, sometimes, at night. He tries to remember what it felt like to be a boy; lean chest and hard flat stomach and arms that flexed sinuous when he bent them.
But all he can summon is the way he feels now, soft and small, and then he turns and looks at Yixing, who always sleeps on her side with her mouth open and her red hair spilling across her cheeks, and he can’t remember Yixing before this, either.
“Are we ever going to turn back?” he thinks to himself, and it’s scary to know the answer might be no.
*
When Yixing realizes that the majority of their band mates sport inconvenient hard-ons whenever she and Lu Han walk around with not enough clothing, she convinces Lu Han to make it into a game.
At first, Lu Han feels kind of guilty about it, but then he remembers that he’s the one who is suddenly a woman, and all his pity flies out the window.
Jongdae is the easiest, because as much as he talks rude nonsense, he’s actually kind of a blushing virgin, and all Lu Han has to do is walk around in his shortest shorts and reach up for things on high shelves to send Jongdae sprinting to the bathroom.
Junmyeon figures out the game within three days and tries to give them disapproving looks but in the end he just flushes a lot when Yixing and Lu Han sit on his lap at the same time and feed him kimbap. “Just don’t be too cruel,” he ends up saying, and Lu Han is a little bit cruel to Baekhyun because he has it coming but he takes it easy on some of the others, especially Minseok because he’s already admitted that Lu Han has a great ass.
Their favorite target is Kris, without a doubt, because he tries so hard not to stare. He sits around the dorm with his ankles crossed and a book in hand, and stares at it steadfastly even when Yixing walks around in just his bra, soft breasts spilling out of the top of purple lace.
“He’s a tough nut to crack,” Yixing says, leaning against the wall in the hallway, and she laughs. Lu Han forgets what they’re talking about as his heart stutters in his chest. He grabs Yixing’s wrist and pulls her a little closer, relishing the fact that Yixing’s hair still smells like Old Spice and that there are some little things that remind Lu Han of the way things used to be.
“Do you miss being a boy?” Lu Han asks, and Yixing swallows, licking his shiny lips and peering at Lu Han through mascara’d lashes.
“Sometimes,” Yixing says. Lu Han can feel her pulse speed up a little, beneath his fingers, and he wonders why.
“Only sometimes?” Lu Han is always missing it, except maybe when he touches himself in the shower or when he forgets that his body isn’t his own anymore, wound together with Yixing in a single arm-chair as they practice their Korean by taking quizzes in the latest Nylon. Those times, he’s too busy relishing the smooth slide of Yixing’s skin against his own and the way his best friend laughs to miss anything at all.
“Do you think I’m pretty, now?” Yixing asks, and it seems non-sequitur, but there’s always a method to Yixing’s madness.
“Yes,” Lu Han replies honestly, but Lu Han has always thought Yixing was pretty, even if he’d been a different sort of pretty that Lu Han could convince himself wasn’t his type.
“Then yes,” Yixing says. “Only sometimes.”
*
Their comeback stage goes well.
Chanyeol and Jongdae somehow manage to trip over air, and the coats are fucking hot, and they all still try to exit the stage in different directions, but considering those are the only problems they face, Lu Han counts himself pretty lucky and thinks this is an improvement.
“I sort of miss the harem pants now,” Jongin says, as he fingers the plastic neon green of his trousers. “This is sort of our ‘Love Like Oxygen’ phase, only worse because plastic and pastel.”
Kris looks a bit like an angry yeti, but Lu Han doesn’t think he’s all that upset, because that’s Kris’s default face and not an indicator of his actual emotions. When he realizes Lu Han is staring at him, he smiles, wide and gummy, and Lu Han smiles back.
“You alright?” Minseok asks.
Lu Han takes stock of his polka-dotted rain boots and his bright pink puffy coat and the way his skin feels like it’s about to melt off. “I’m great,” he replies. “This was better than expected.”
“We live sad lives,” Minseok says. “Because I totally agree with you, and it’s a shame that our expectations are so low.”
Lu Han might look ridiculous, but no one can see his or Yixing’s breasts and the coats come down low enough that more… observant fans aren’t going to suddenly think Lu Han and Lay have become Ken dolls.
Lu Han is a bit concerned at the way he can’t seem to stop watching Yixing, but that’s all right, he thinks, because Yixing’s always liked attention.
*
“How did this even happen?” Lu Han asks four days later, as he lies on his stomach on Yixing’s bed, letting Yixing paint his fingernails. Being a girl isn’t so bad, Lu Han’s coming to realize, because no one bursts into the shower when he’s washing no matter how long he takes, and no one thinks it’s weird when he spends hours on his make-up because he’s a girl now. (He thinks Kris is a little jealous about that, to be honest.) Also, he can go out shopping and it’s awesome because when people do double-takes, he knows it’s because he’s hot, not just because he’s famous.
Also, when they go out now, in girls’ clothes, Yixing laces their fingers together and pulls Lu Han along, and Lu Han likes that, a lot. He likes the way Yixing’s palm feels pressed against his own, and the way Yixing drags Lu Han so close to her; so close he can feel Yixing’s every exhale as they sit next to each other in a small booth at Kimbap Cheonguk, splitting an order of kimchi jigae that’s a little spicier than Yixing can take and a little milder than Lu Han prefers.
“Magic~” Yixing says, and Lu Han snorts, but not hard enough to topple the bottle of nail polish that Yixing has carefully balanced on top of a magazine as he careful applies the polish to Lu Han’s nails.
“When do you think it will end?” Lu Han asks, and Yixing doesn’t look up from where he’s carefully adding color to Lu Han’s pinky nail.
“Who knows?” Yixing says. “Hopefully before I go home to visit my family.”
Lu Han’s not sure his parents would even notice if he played his cards right. He’s not sure they would care even if he didn’t.
“How can you be so calm about this?”
“Because I have you,” Yixing says. “We’re in this together.”
“And you have great tits,” Lu Han says. Yixing pulls the brush away, dipping it back in the color, and he meets Lu Han’s eyes.
“Yeah,” he says. “That too.”
*
“Is it different making out with Yixing as a girl than it is as a boy?” Sehun asks, and his eyes flicker over to Jongin of all people, for a moment, which is absolutely gross and Lu Han refuses to think about it. Still, he’s got to be a good ge and answer the question—
“What?”
“Is it different, kissing as a girl? Kissing girls?” Sehun takes a sip of his bubble tea and Lu Han almost prays Jongin’s order comes up in the next ten seconds so he can saunter over to their table and ruin Lu Han’s life in a different way than this.
“Oh my god,” Lu Han says. “It’s not like that.” He’s not thinking of Yixing’s boobs pressing into his back as Yixing’s palms press into his belly as he speaks, and if he’s blushing, it’s just because he’s mortified by the accusation, not feeling guilty about the fact that it’s Yixing’s mouth and not his fantastic bustline that has Lu Han spasming around his own fingers in the shower. “No.”
“No, it’s not different?” Sehun furrows his brows.
“No, it’s not like that.” Lu Han ‘s bra strap is digging into his shoulder; it’s twisted, and it’s annoying, so he picks at it to straighten it. “We’re not like that.”
“Wait, are you serious?” Sehun actually looks speechless, so maybe there is some, miniscule use to the fact that Sehun thought he and Yixing have been, well, more than just best friends since who knows when. “But everyone-“
“Oh, that’s terrific,” Lu Han says, and Jongin squishes into the booth next to Sehun. “For your information, Yixing and I are just best friends, and we don’t make-out because that would be weird.”
“You don’t?” Jongin only seems mildly interested, and Sehun is looking amused at Lu Han’s mortified face. “Everyone totally thinks you do, though.”
“Well everyone can suck my dick,” Lu Han says, and Jongin sprays bubble tea right out of his nose.
“What dick?” Jongin asks, and then he and Sehun high five like they’ve been waiting to use that joke for a month.
They probably have been, Lu Han thinks spitefully, and he doesn’t wish Yixing was sitting next to him at all when Sehun rests his head on Jongin’s shoulder.
*
“Does everyone really think Yixing and I are dating?”
“You aren’t?” Zitao is finally getting used to being around Lu Han again, although Yixing still seems to be a hopeless cause. Lu Han would be more offended if he hadn’t been starting to miss Zitao.
“No,” Lu Han says. “We’re best friends.”
“I just always thought…” Zitao shrugs, and picks up his magazine again. The picture on the front is of a car and Lu Han wonders if it’s actually cars between that front and back cover. “Ah, well, I guess not.”
“I’m not gay,” Lu Han says. “I like girls.”
“Well, now Yixing-ge is a…” he shivers. “A girl.”
The bottom drops out of Lu Han’s stomach, because yeah, Zitao is right, and of course Lu Han has noticed the smooth curves of Yixing’s hips and yeah, he wants to touch them sometimes, but Yixing is his best friend and there are lines Lu Han’s not going to cross just because he woke up one day with a vagina and boobs that aren’t big enough and a heart that won’t stop leaping at that touch.
The real issue, though, is when Lu Han stops to think about it, the way he considers Yixing now isn’t any different than the way he considered Yixing before, only now, when everything else is turned upside down, Lu Han can see more clearly just how deep those feelings run, and it freaks him out. It freaks him out more than the vagina does, and that’s saying something.
“We’re not dating,” Lu Han says half-heartedly, and he thinks about sucking butter off of Yixing’s fingers as a boy and pressing warm against Yixing in a restaurant as a girl, and wonders if maybe they are.
*
EXO-M heads back to China on the first of December. Lu Han has been stuck as a girl for almost two months, now, and his and Yixing’s game isn’t really fun anymore because the other members have gotten desensitized to their pranks.
“I hope you come back with your junk,” Chanyeol says sincerely as he hugs Lu Han goodbye, and Baekhyun smacks his ass “because it looked like a good target.”
Sehun frowns and Lu Han musses his hair because he knows Sehun hates it but Lu Han’s still his big brother even if he’s a girl now.
On the plane, Yixing falls asleep on his shoulder, and Lu Han gets a cramp in his neck trying not to move so he doesn’t wake Yixing up. Yixing’s breath is hot on his neck and Lu Han crushes his hands into fists and tells himself not to want anything more than this, even as he rests his head on top of Yixing’s, tendrils of Yixing’s hair getting caught on his lips and Yixing’s hands coming up to grab handfuls of Lu Han’s sweatshirt.
*
It takes Lu Han three days before he manages to figure out that he’s not going to be able to get over this… whatever this feeling is… until he talks it out with Yixing, just like he talks everything over with Yixing, who listens with his, no… her head tilted sideways and a soft, inscrutable smile on her lips.
She’s doing that now, as Lu Han talks about their gossiping band mates and heterosexuality, and being jealous of Yixing’s breasts and Old Spice and Yixing’s hands and wanting to taste the skin on Yixing’s neck. Lu Han spills it all out, words tumbling over each other in his rush to get them out, and Yixing just listens, carefully. When Lu Han is done, he looks up, and she’s studying him, her eyes a little bright.
Yixing’s hair curls around her face a little; a face that is rounder and smoother now that he’s a her, and her eyelashes are long and pretty, and Lu Han’s throat feels a little dry.
“Hey,” Yixing says, and nudges him with a foot that’s smaller and more elegant than Lu Han’s own, aquamarine polish applied yesterday already chipping because Yixing can’t stop herself from kicking the table leg during dinner. “Hey.”
“’Hey’ what?” Lu Han says, or starts to say, only Yixing’s kissing him so it comes out more like a muffled moan. Yixing’s lips are sticky with the glitter lip gloss Lu Han thinks makes her look like a heavy-handed teenager, and they taste like vanilla and chemicals, but the inside of her mouth is warm and wet and tastes like instant noodles, and that’s infinitely better.
Yixing’s hand comes up and fists in his hair, pulling at the long strands, and Lu Han hisses and bites down on Yixing’s lip, which makes her swear and giggle. Yixing gets her revenge by breaking apart from Lu Han and dragging those sticky lips across Lu Han’s cheek and along his jaw.
“Is this a bad idea?” Lu Han asks, as Yixing pushes him back to the bed, straddling him with warm thighs, her skirt scrunching up around her waist. “Like, is this going to make things weird, or-“
“I thought you were a tits man,” Yixing says, and Lu Han swallows as she leans forward and offers Lu Han a view of her ample cleavage. Lu Han’s still kind of jealous, but mostly he just wants to cup them in his palms and see if they’re as soft as they look. “I’ve been told I’ve got great tits.”
“Yeah,” Lu Han says, and then Yixing is kissing him again, long nails scratching lightly up Lu Han’s belly, and Lu Han forgets all the reasons he should be protesting because this is maybe what he’s been wanting all along.
Yixing finds Lu Han’s nipples with thumbs and index fingers, rolling the nubs between them and pulling mewls from Lu Han’s lips that would be humiliating if everything didn’t feel so warm and good.
“Yixing,” Lu Han says, and Yixing smiles and claims Lu Han’s mouth again, tongue curling around his and Lu Han’s lost in the heat of it; Yixing’s hand are now on Lu Han’s ribs, and oh, Lu Han hadn’t realized the sides of his breasts were so sensitive but they are, heat pooling low in his belly at the light touches.
Lu Han keeps his own hands clenched in the sheets of Yixing’s bed, and gasps when Yixing sucks his lower lip into his mouth. “You can touch,” Yixing whispers against his mouth.
Lu Han swallows his nerves and brings his hands up to touch. He slides hesitant yet curious fingers up under Yixing’s shirt, and marvels at how different she feels from Lu Han. Soft in different ways. “You’re so…”
Perfect. Lu Han thinks, because it’s kind of true and because not many people get someone so hot and also so special and funny and the other half of their soul all wrapped up in one person.
“You too,” Yixing says, and his mouth trails fire down Lu Han’s neck and Lu Han’s breath comes quick and fierce. “Can I-“ He pulls up on Lu Han’s shirt.
And then thin sweaters and bras are hitting the floor, and Lu Han’s palms are full of Yixing’s breasts, which do feel as soft as they look, and Yixing’s mouth is closing in on one of Lu Han’s nipples and Lu Han’s not sure if he’ll survive this because he feels too much, and not all of it is physical.
“How is this happening?” He lifts himself up, and yeah, his abs are still strong enough to hold him there as he licks at one of the soft pink buds. Yixing trembles, a little, and Lu Han admires the rosy flush that crawls from his chest all the way up to porcelain cheeks.
“Because I’m so pretty, now,” Yixing says, and there’s the sticky remains of gloss at the corners of his lips, and it tastes nasty but Lu Han wants to lick it off anyway. Lu Han also wants to tell Yixing he’s always been pretty, but then Yixing’s hand is wriggling into Lu Han’s underwear and Lu Han’s at a loss for words because just like handjobs, this feels better when someone else does it.
Later, when they’re spent and winded and Yixing is puffing into his ear, mumbling something about getting snacks, Lu Han wonders it would feel any different if they were boys, and that thought makes his heart ache, a little, even as he pulls Yixing closer.
*
After that, it’s hard to stop making out like high schoolers, exploring unfamiliar bodies with familiar smiles and anxious lips. They try to keep it secret from the others, but it’s only a few days before Kris walks in on them right as Lu Han rests Yixing’s knee on his shoulder, two fingers in her folds as he leans forward to add his tongue to the experiment.
“Oh,” Kris says, and his whole face is red, and Lu Han laughs as Yixing whines. Lu Han clicks his tongue and pushes his fingers in and out steadily, studying Kris as his eyes drop to where Yixing is spread out on the bed, wet and cheeks flushed. “I’ll just—“
“No,” Yixing huffs, sucking his lower lip into his mouth. “I wanna know how that feels, too.”
Lu Han looks down at Yixing and pulls his fingers free, standing up from the bed to walk over to Kris.
Kris’s eyes are wider than Lu Han’s ever seen them, and his khakis, that are ironed because Kris is an embarrassment even on the weekends, are tented with obvious interest in the proceedings.
“Well, duizhang,” Lu Han says, “I’d guess you’d better get naked.”
“I—“
Lu Han grabs his white and red striped sweater and pulls him closer. “Unless you don’t want to fuck Yixing?”
“I never said that,” Kris says, and Lu Han can see him visibly melt into his stage persona as he undoes his belt.
As Kris pounds into Yixing, Yixing screaming as Kris pushes harder and deeper, Yixing opens her eyes and finds Lu Han, and doesn’t drop Lu Han’s gaze until she’s coming, Kris grunting as she squeezes tight around him, and Lu Han suddenly feels angry and selfish and like he doesn’t want anyone else to ever touch Yixing again.
Which is weird, because Yixing is his best friend, and it’s not supposed to be like this, at all. Lu Han had dreamed, once, of Yixing being the best man at his wedding and now suddenly Yixing’s the bride and that’s—it’s enough to have Lu Han coming by his own hand as Kris climaxes, ugly tattoo gleaming in the light as he holds himself up over Yixing who shivers and isn’t looking at Kris at all.
*
“So like, I’m super glad you guys are having hot lesbian sex all the time, but I haven’t slept in four days,” Jongdae says conversationally. “And also I am mildly miffed that you fucked Kris in some hot threesome but that is neither here nor there.”
“Go away,” Lu Han says, pillowing his head on his arms.
“Is everything okay?” Minseok asks. “I promise Zitao will get over it; it’s just all the sex reminded him that he’d been spending prolonged amounts of time around vaginas and you know his phobia-“
“It’s not about Zitao,” Lu Han says. “It’s about Yixing.”
“Wow, it must be so hard to be madly in love with someone who is also madly in love with you.” Jongdae rolls his eyes. “Lu Han please.”
“But what if-“
“No,” Jongdae says. “Shut up. Go back to the lesbian sex. At least I can get off on that.”
Minseok pinches Jongdae’s arm. “Lu Han, it’s not that complicated. Just-“
“It’s not that complicated?” Lu Han stands up and does a sweeping have we forgotten that I now have breasts and a vagina motion, and Jongdae laughs and turns it into a concerned cough when Minseok turns to glare at him.
“Well, it’s a little complicated, but let’s be honest, Lu Han. Has anything really changed?”
The answer, if Lu Han really thinks about it, is no.
Because he loves Yixing, and it doesn’t really matter if he has that great rack or not.
*
“Why don’t you want to be a boy again,” Lu Han asks, twirling a piece of Yixing’s hair around his finger. Yixing sighs, and it’s resigned, like she’s been waiting for this question and she thinks Lu Han should already know the answer.
Maybe he should.
She slides her foot, clad in a cute pink knee-sock, down along Lu Han’s calf as she bites cutely on her lower lip. It’s such an Yixing thing to do; something Yixing has always done when he’s not sure he wants to speak, and now she’s doing it, because she’s him. This Yixing is still Lu Han’s Yixing, just wrapped in a different package and Lu Han cares a lot less about packaging than he’d thought.. “Because…” she draws off, and Lu Han lets his hand fall from her hair to find her cheek.
“Because?” Her skin is warm. Lu Han drags his hand down, scraping lightly across collarbones and resting above her heart. He can feel it beating so fast beneath his palm, and the rayon catches on skin that’s a little too rough to be a real lady’s hands.
“You like me like this,” Yixing says, dimple appearing as she smiles wryly. “And you never would have kissed me, before, if I were still a boy, and-“
Lu Han leans forward and kisses her, gently, but hard enough that she knows he means business. “You might be right,” Lu Han says. “But only because I wouldn’t have figured out that I wanted to kiss you, not because you weren’t already…” Lu Han thinks about the way sometimes, Yixing’s the only one who can keep him calm. “I already was in love with you, I just didn’t realize it.”
And then Yixing is shoving him back, a weird mix of Old Spice and bubble gum, and Lu Han thinks everything will be alright, as long as Yixing keeps kissing him just like this.
*
Lu Han wakes up naked with a pounding headache and a hard-on.
This feels like every morning after night of heavy drinking, except Lu Han hadn’t been drinking last night, and there’s no reason Lu Han should be naked.
Wait. Lu Han has a hard-on. Which means that he has a dick to get hard, which means he’s a boy again and he doesn’t have to worry about boobs that are too small or the fans taking weird invasive pictures of his crotch anymore.
He rolls over, headache secondary to the wondrous feeling of once again being able to pee standing up, and he encounters another warm, lean, distinctly male body.
Yixing looks peaceful in sleep, Lu Han thinks. Kind of stupid, too; his mouth hangs open and he’s got a bit of drool coming down the side of his mouth and onto his cheek, and Lu Han knows he’s in love because he’s not even judging.
Yixing must feel Lu Han watching him, because he opens his eyes, a slow flutter that suddenly becomes complete awakeness as his hands fly up to his chest. “I was sort of getting used to those,” Yixing says, voice cracking.
“I’m not going to kiss you now,” Lu Han says, and Yixing’s eyes flicker up to him with a little bit of trepidation and a little bit of sadness. “But that is only because you sleep with your mouth open and your breath is probably terrible.”
Yixing’s eyes go wide, and then he laughs, and climbs out of bed. He stumbles a little, reasserting himself in his body; getting used to his old set of legs that maybe put a bit more spring in his step, and Lu Han thinks he likes this body just as much, if not more, than the other one, if only because he’s known this Yixing a little longer.
“Lu Han,” Yixing says, and Lu Han looks up from his casual perusal of Yixing’s ass to meet an amused, and relieved, gaze. “Your breath isn’t so great, either.”
“Good point,” Lu Han says, and he follows Yixing to the bathroom.
They end up giving each other handjobs in the shower, and then frotting against the wall as Yixing screams and claws at the tiles, and Lu Han thinks this is going to work out just fine. “You’ve still got a great ass,” Yixing says, as he digs his fingers into it to pull Lu Han closer, and Lu Han leans forward to lick a stripe up the prominent center of Yixing’s sternum.
“You’ve still got a great set of tits,” Lu Han replies, and Yixing laughs, and then comes all over Lu Han’s belly, and Lu Han’s not far behind him.
Kris is only a little mad when he finds out they’ve flooded the bathroom, but Lu Han thinks he’s still a little soft on them because of that threesome.
Still, Yixing’s hand feels perfect in his own.
*
When Lu Han gets back to Korea, the first thing he does is find Sehun to inform him that kissing is way different with boys than with girls, and Lu Han is greatly gratified when Sehun pulls out a pad of paper to take notes.
