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maayacolabackupTitle: Co-exist
Pairing: KrisBaekYeol
Rating: something disgustingly low
Summary: It’s not that Chanyeol doesn’t love Baekhyun. (1k) [drabble-ish]
Notes: This is self-indulgent because happy endings ;;
It's not that Chanyeol doesn't love Baekhyun.
When Baekhyun corners Chanyeol after a show and tells Chanyeol he's in love with him, the first thing Chanyeol wants to do is crush Baekhyun to his chest and scream 'I love you, too' at the top of his lungs, and press kisses to Baekhyun's forehead and nose and cheeks, regardless of the thick layer of make-up on Baekhyun's skin.
The second thing he wants to do is throw up.
Because even if Chanyeol loves Baekhyun, in that 'I want to hold your hand and creepily watch you sleep and buy matching bracelets because we're too famous to buy matching rings' kind of way, Chanyeol also, sometimes, looks across the stage and sees Wu Fan standing there, tall and impassive, and he sort of wants to hold his hand, too.
The way he feels about Wu Fan is different from the way he feels about Baekhyun. When Chanyeol is sitting next to Wu Fan on the sofa, both of them immersed in a basketball game, sometimes he leans his head on Wu Fan's shoulder and he feels... calm, like Wu Fan is a lighthouse amidst the crashing ocean waves. It's not like how things are with Baekhyun, like everything is exciting and wondrous and bright, but it's no less strong.
And so when Baekhyun says 'I love you', Chanyeol shoves down his heart and his feelings and everything he wants, and tells Baekhyun that it's not going to be like that. He talks about girls and all these other things that don't matter, and tries not to notice the crumbling look in Baekhyun's eyes.
He doesn't tell Baekhyun that it's because he's greedy, and he can't possibly make that kind of choice.
When Chanyeol finds out about Wu Fan and Baekhyun; that things are like that, the first thing he does is curl up in his bed and try not to cry. He succeeds. It's just like being on stage, he thinks. Just pretend to be forever happy. Pretending in real life and on camera.
"I'm glad," he says to Wu Fan the next day, "that Baekhyun has you. That you guys are happy together."
Wu Fan looks at him strangely. Distantly. Chanyeol wonders if Wu Fan knows how he feels. If Wu Fan knows the jumble of thoughts in Chanyeol's head that makes him simultaneously jealous and relieved.
Now Chanyeol doesn't have to choose, because they've chosen each other. Now Chanyeol can just watch and wish and ache, and it will be all right, because at least they're both happy.
"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it," Chanyeol says. He waggles his eyebrows and hopes it looks playful instead of miserable. "I don't want any details, anyway. I love you guys, but I'm not into that whole..." 'you and him' thing. That whole 'I want you both and can't have you both' thing.
"Yeah," Wu Fan says, and Chanyeol smiles at him... the smile he uses for fanservice. His fake smile, because how is he supposed to smile when everything hurts like this?
It's Chanyeol's own fault, anyway. He shouldn't have fallen in love more than once at the same time.
"This Wu Fan and Baekhyun business... is weird," Lu Han says, and Chanyeol looks over at him. He and Lu Han are sitting out on K's dorm balcony, watching people walk by underfoot. "Really weird."
"Why?" Chanyeol asks. He doesn't really want to talk about Wu Fan and Baekhyun. He does well enough with it when they're around, feigning comfort when all he feels is pain. "They're happy."
"No, they're not," Lu Han says. "It's obvious they're not."
"What do you mean?" Chanyeol asks. He doesn't look over at Lu Han, although he can feel the weight of Lu Han's eyes as he stares fixedly forward.
"You're so oblivious," Lu Han says. "They're both just dealing with things the best they can."
"What things?" Chanyeol's voice is stuck in his throat, and his heart hurts, and he really, really doesn't want to talk about this, but a sick, masochistic part of himself can't stop from asking.
"You," Lu Han says, and Chanyeol's eyes widen, and he tries not to think about what that means.
Chanyeol stands in front of Wu Fan's door, hands balled into fists. He knows Baekhyun is in there. He hears them whispering to each other in hushed tones, Baekhyun's tenor twining around Wu Fan's bass. They sound good together, of course they do, and Chanyeol feels like he's going to shake into pieces.
He knocks. "Yes?" Wu Fan asks, muffled by the closed door, and Chanyeol takes a deep breath.
There's a tiny bit of hope in his belly, licking like flames at the edges, and Chanyeol tries to extinguish it before he replies.
"It's Chanyeol," he says, and Baekhyun's voice quiets. "There's something I'd like... no, there's something I need to talk to you about. Both of you."
There's no answer, and then Baekhyun speaks. "Then come in," he says, and Chanyeol can't stop his heart from leaping at the invitation.
Pairing: KrisBaekYeol
Rating: something disgustingly low
Summary: It’s not that Chanyeol doesn’t love Baekhyun. (1k) [drabble-ish]
Notes: This is self-indulgent because happy endings ;;
It's not that Chanyeol doesn't love Baekhyun.
When Baekhyun corners Chanyeol after a show and tells Chanyeol he's in love with him, the first thing Chanyeol wants to do is crush Baekhyun to his chest and scream 'I love you, too' at the top of his lungs, and press kisses to Baekhyun's forehead and nose and cheeks, regardless of the thick layer of make-up on Baekhyun's skin.
The second thing he wants to do is throw up.
Because even if Chanyeol loves Baekhyun, in that 'I want to hold your hand and creepily watch you sleep and buy matching bracelets because we're too famous to buy matching rings' kind of way, Chanyeol also, sometimes, looks across the stage and sees Wu Fan standing there, tall and impassive, and he sort of wants to hold his hand, too.
The way he feels about Wu Fan is different from the way he feels about Baekhyun. When Chanyeol is sitting next to Wu Fan on the sofa, both of them immersed in a basketball game, sometimes he leans his head on Wu Fan's shoulder and he feels... calm, like Wu Fan is a lighthouse amidst the crashing ocean waves. It's not like how things are with Baekhyun, like everything is exciting and wondrous and bright, but it's no less strong.
And so when Baekhyun says 'I love you', Chanyeol shoves down his heart and his feelings and everything he wants, and tells Baekhyun that it's not going to be like that. He talks about girls and all these other things that don't matter, and tries not to notice the crumbling look in Baekhyun's eyes.
He doesn't tell Baekhyun that it's because he's greedy, and he can't possibly make that kind of choice.
When Chanyeol finds out about Wu Fan and Baekhyun; that things are like that, the first thing he does is curl up in his bed and try not to cry. He succeeds. It's just like being on stage, he thinks. Just pretend to be forever happy. Pretending in real life and on camera.
"I'm glad," he says to Wu Fan the next day, "that Baekhyun has you. That you guys are happy together."
Wu Fan looks at him strangely. Distantly. Chanyeol wonders if Wu Fan knows how he feels. If Wu Fan knows the jumble of thoughts in Chanyeol's head that makes him simultaneously jealous and relieved.
Now Chanyeol doesn't have to choose, because they've chosen each other. Now Chanyeol can just watch and wish and ache, and it will be all right, because at least they're both happy.
"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it," Chanyeol says. He waggles his eyebrows and hopes it looks playful instead of miserable. "I don't want any details, anyway. I love you guys, but I'm not into that whole..." 'you and him' thing. That whole 'I want you both and can't have you both' thing.
"Yeah," Wu Fan says, and Chanyeol smiles at him... the smile he uses for fanservice. His fake smile, because how is he supposed to smile when everything hurts like this?
It's Chanyeol's own fault, anyway. He shouldn't have fallen in love more than once at the same time.
"This Wu Fan and Baekhyun business... is weird," Lu Han says, and Chanyeol looks over at him. He and Lu Han are sitting out on K's dorm balcony, watching people walk by underfoot. "Really weird."
"Why?" Chanyeol asks. He doesn't really want to talk about Wu Fan and Baekhyun. He does well enough with it when they're around, feigning comfort when all he feels is pain. "They're happy."
"No, they're not," Lu Han says. "It's obvious they're not."
"What do you mean?" Chanyeol asks. He doesn't look over at Lu Han, although he can feel the weight of Lu Han's eyes as he stares fixedly forward.
"You're so oblivious," Lu Han says. "They're both just dealing with things the best they can."
"What things?" Chanyeol's voice is stuck in his throat, and his heart hurts, and he really, really doesn't want to talk about this, but a sick, masochistic part of himself can't stop from asking.
"You," Lu Han says, and Chanyeol's eyes widen, and he tries not to think about what that means.
Chanyeol stands in front of Wu Fan's door, hands balled into fists. He knows Baekhyun is in there. He hears them whispering to each other in hushed tones, Baekhyun's tenor twining around Wu Fan's bass. They sound good together, of course they do, and Chanyeol feels like he's going to shake into pieces.
He knocks. "Yes?" Wu Fan asks, muffled by the closed door, and Chanyeol takes a deep breath.
There's a tiny bit of hope in his belly, licking like flames at the edges, and Chanyeol tries to extinguish it before he replies.
"It's Chanyeol," he says, and Baekhyun's voice quiets. "There's something I'd like... no, there's something I need to talk to you about. Both of you."
There's no answer, and then Baekhyun speaks. "Then come in," he says, and Chanyeol can't stop his heart from leaping at the invitation.
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Date: 2012-08-02 07:50 am (UTC)