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maayacolabackupTitle: Co-exist
Pairing: KrisBaekYeol
Rating: something disgustingly low
Summary: It’s not that Chanyeol doesn’t love Baekhyun. (1k) [drabble-ish]
Notes: This is self-indulgent because happy endings ;;
It's not that Chanyeol doesn't love Baekhyun.
When Baekhyun corners Chanyeol after a show and tells Chanyeol he's in love with him, the first thing Chanyeol wants to do is crush Baekhyun to his chest and scream 'I love you, too' at the top of his lungs, and press kisses to Baekhyun's forehead and nose and cheeks, regardless of the thick layer of make-up on Baekhyun's skin.
The second thing he wants to do is throw up.
Because even if Chanyeol loves Baekhyun, in that 'I want to hold your hand and creepily watch you sleep and buy matching bracelets because we're too famous to buy matching rings' kind of way, Chanyeol also, sometimes, looks across the stage and sees Wu Fan standing there, tall and impassive, and he sort of wants to hold his hand, too.
The way he feels about Wu Fan is different from the way he feels about Baekhyun. When Chanyeol is sitting next to Wu Fan on the sofa, both of them immersed in a basketball game, sometimes he leans his head on Wu Fan's shoulder and he feels... calm, like Wu Fan is a lighthouse amidst the crashing ocean waves. It's not like how things are with Baekhyun, like everything is exciting and wondrous and bright, but it's no less strong.
And so when Baekhyun says 'I love you', Chanyeol shoves down his heart and his feelings and everything he wants, and tells Baekhyun that it's not going to be like that. He talks about girls and all these other things that don't matter, and tries not to notice the crumbling look in Baekhyun's eyes.
He doesn't tell Baekhyun that it's because he's greedy, and he can't possibly make that kind of choice.
When Chanyeol finds out about Wu Fan and Baekhyun; that things are like that, the first thing he does is curl up in his bed and try not to cry. He succeeds. It's just like being on stage, he thinks. Just pretend to be forever happy. Pretending in real life and on camera.
"I'm glad," he says to Wu Fan the next day, "that Baekhyun has you. That you guys are happy together."
Wu Fan looks at him strangely. Distantly. Chanyeol wonders if Wu Fan knows how he feels. If Wu Fan knows the jumble of thoughts in Chanyeol's head that makes him simultaneously jealous and relieved.
Now Chanyeol doesn't have to choose, because they've chosen each other. Now Chanyeol can just watch and wish and ache, and it will be all right, because at least they're both happy.
"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it," Chanyeol says. He waggles his eyebrows and hopes it looks playful instead of miserable. "I don't want any details, anyway. I love you guys, but I'm not into that whole..." 'you and him' thing. That whole 'I want you both and can't have you both' thing.
"Yeah," Wu Fan says, and Chanyeol smiles at him... the smile he uses for fanservice. His fake smile, because how is he supposed to smile when everything hurts like this?
It's Chanyeol's own fault, anyway. He shouldn't have fallen in love more than once at the same time.
"This Wu Fan and Baekhyun business... is weird," Lu Han says, and Chanyeol looks over at him. He and Lu Han are sitting out on K's dorm balcony, watching people walk by underfoot. "Really weird."
"Why?" Chanyeol asks. He doesn't really want to talk about Wu Fan and Baekhyun. He does well enough with it when they're around, feigning comfort when all he feels is pain. "They're happy."
"No, they're not," Lu Han says. "It's obvious they're not."
"What do you mean?" Chanyeol asks. He doesn't look over at Lu Han, although he can feel the weight of Lu Han's eyes as he stares fixedly forward.
"You're so oblivious," Lu Han says. "They're both just dealing with things the best they can."
"What things?" Chanyeol's voice is stuck in his throat, and his heart hurts, and he really, really doesn't want to talk about this, but a sick, masochistic part of himself can't stop from asking.
"You," Lu Han says, and Chanyeol's eyes widen, and he tries not to think about what that means.
Chanyeol stands in front of Wu Fan's door, hands balled into fists. He knows Baekhyun is in there. He hears them whispering to each other in hushed tones, Baekhyun's tenor twining around Wu Fan's bass. They sound good together, of course they do, and Chanyeol feels like he's going to shake into pieces.
He knocks. "Yes?" Wu Fan asks, muffled by the closed door, and Chanyeol takes a deep breath.
There's a tiny bit of hope in his belly, licking like flames at the edges, and Chanyeol tries to extinguish it before he replies.
"It's Chanyeol," he says, and Baekhyun's voice quiets. "There's something I'd like... no, there's something I need to talk to you about. Both of you."
There's no answer, and then Baekhyun speaks. "Then come in," he says, and Chanyeol can't stop his heart from leaping at the invitation.
Pairing: KrisBaekYeol
Rating: something disgustingly low
Summary: It’s not that Chanyeol doesn’t love Baekhyun. (1k) [drabble-ish]
Notes: This is self-indulgent because happy endings ;;
It's not that Chanyeol doesn't love Baekhyun.
When Baekhyun corners Chanyeol after a show and tells Chanyeol he's in love with him, the first thing Chanyeol wants to do is crush Baekhyun to his chest and scream 'I love you, too' at the top of his lungs, and press kisses to Baekhyun's forehead and nose and cheeks, regardless of the thick layer of make-up on Baekhyun's skin.
The second thing he wants to do is throw up.
Because even if Chanyeol loves Baekhyun, in that 'I want to hold your hand and creepily watch you sleep and buy matching bracelets because we're too famous to buy matching rings' kind of way, Chanyeol also, sometimes, looks across the stage and sees Wu Fan standing there, tall and impassive, and he sort of wants to hold his hand, too.
The way he feels about Wu Fan is different from the way he feels about Baekhyun. When Chanyeol is sitting next to Wu Fan on the sofa, both of them immersed in a basketball game, sometimes he leans his head on Wu Fan's shoulder and he feels... calm, like Wu Fan is a lighthouse amidst the crashing ocean waves. It's not like how things are with Baekhyun, like everything is exciting and wondrous and bright, but it's no less strong.
And so when Baekhyun says 'I love you', Chanyeol shoves down his heart and his feelings and everything he wants, and tells Baekhyun that it's not going to be like that. He talks about girls and all these other things that don't matter, and tries not to notice the crumbling look in Baekhyun's eyes.
He doesn't tell Baekhyun that it's because he's greedy, and he can't possibly make that kind of choice.
When Chanyeol finds out about Wu Fan and Baekhyun; that things are like that, the first thing he does is curl up in his bed and try not to cry. He succeeds. It's just like being on stage, he thinks. Just pretend to be forever happy. Pretending in real life and on camera.
"I'm glad," he says to Wu Fan the next day, "that Baekhyun has you. That you guys are happy together."
Wu Fan looks at him strangely. Distantly. Chanyeol wonders if Wu Fan knows how he feels. If Wu Fan knows the jumble of thoughts in Chanyeol's head that makes him simultaneously jealous and relieved.
Now Chanyeol doesn't have to choose, because they've chosen each other. Now Chanyeol can just watch and wish and ache, and it will be all right, because at least they're both happy.
"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it," Chanyeol says. He waggles his eyebrows and hopes it looks playful instead of miserable. "I don't want any details, anyway. I love you guys, but I'm not into that whole..." 'you and him' thing. That whole 'I want you both and can't have you both' thing.
"Yeah," Wu Fan says, and Chanyeol smiles at him... the smile he uses for fanservice. His fake smile, because how is he supposed to smile when everything hurts like this?
It's Chanyeol's own fault, anyway. He shouldn't have fallen in love more than once at the same time.
"This Wu Fan and Baekhyun business... is weird," Lu Han says, and Chanyeol looks over at him. He and Lu Han are sitting out on K's dorm balcony, watching people walk by underfoot. "Really weird."
"Why?" Chanyeol asks. He doesn't really want to talk about Wu Fan and Baekhyun. He does well enough with it when they're around, feigning comfort when all he feels is pain. "They're happy."
"No, they're not," Lu Han says. "It's obvious they're not."
"What do you mean?" Chanyeol asks. He doesn't look over at Lu Han, although he can feel the weight of Lu Han's eyes as he stares fixedly forward.
"You're so oblivious," Lu Han says. "They're both just dealing with things the best they can."
"What things?" Chanyeol's voice is stuck in his throat, and his heart hurts, and he really, really doesn't want to talk about this, but a sick, masochistic part of himself can't stop from asking.
"You," Lu Han says, and Chanyeol's eyes widen, and he tries not to think about what that means.
Chanyeol stands in front of Wu Fan's door, hands balled into fists. He knows Baekhyun is in there. He hears them whispering to each other in hushed tones, Baekhyun's tenor twining around Wu Fan's bass. They sound good together, of course they do, and Chanyeol feels like he's going to shake into pieces.
He knocks. "Yes?" Wu Fan asks, muffled by the closed door, and Chanyeol takes a deep breath.
There's a tiny bit of hope in his belly, licking like flames at the edges, and Chanyeol tries to extinguish it before he replies.
"It's Chanyeol," he says, and Baekhyun's voice quiets. "There's something I'd like... no, there's something I need to talk to you about. Both of you."
There's no answer, and then Baekhyun speaks. "Then come in," he says, and Chanyeol can't stop his heart from leaping at the invitation.
Tags:
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no subject
Date: 2012-07-31 05:24 pm (UTC)And incipient happy endings. Oh my heart. I hope we'll get to see the discussion they're going to have after that ending.
no subject
Date: 2012-07-31 10:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-31 06:12 pm (UTC)I can totally relate to the loving more than one person at a time guilt because lol story of my life tbh. I also really loved that Lu Han is the smart one XDDD
because I kind of really love Lu Han and the way you write him is always perfect XDDUGH but I'm not going to ask you for a sequel because I'm going to ask you to finish this because this is NOT FINISHED MAIA YOU TEASE OMG. Please finish this? XD <33
ilu <3
...I really have to get an Exo icon. fuck.
no subject
Date: 2012-07-31 10:47 pm (UTC)or... does... Maia... lose... ;__________;
(give me a bit, dearest <3)
love,
fishie
no subject
Date: 2012-08-01 04:14 am (UTC)Hahah yes I think Maia loses too... does Maia have an Exo icon? :P
(NO)
love <333
no subject
Date: 2012-08-02 07:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-31 10:07 pm (UTC)YES
;_______; get it, chanyeol. get both uh-uh.
and live happily ever after ;3;
i love how yeol described kris.
no subject
Date: 2012-07-31 10:47 pm (UTC)<3 <3 thank you for commenting <3 <3
--maia
no subject
Date: 2012-07-31 10:52 pm (UTC)WOW I'M TOO EXCITED FOR THIS.
you're welcome, you deserve all the comments. :)
no subject
Date: 2012-07-31 10:53 pm (UTC)yup! i may have gotten dubconned into writing the threesome, haha. #ot3
no subject
Date: 2012-07-31 10:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-31 11:54 pm (UTC)我恨你
no subject
Date: 2012-08-01 12:46 am (UTC)Omg this makes me happy. Still kind of sad, but... hope! Chanyeol is in love with both of them. I'm glad that there's this, as opposed to forever just being broken over the fact that he likes girls and has rejected both of them.
Ah you're amazing.
no subject
Date: 2012-08-01 12:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-01 12:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-01 12:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-01 01:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-01 01:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-01 01:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-01 01:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-01 01:35 am (UTC)And I should follow that example, rewriting and actually editing. LOL. I get lazy. Haha!
no subject
Date: 2012-08-04 04:06 am (UTC)AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
OMG
a;ldfkjalsdkf omg Chanyeol sobs why bb why asldkfja;lsdkfj
One day I will leave you an actually coherent comment.
That day is not today.
no subject
Date: 2012-08-04 02:34 pm (UTC)thank you!!!
--m
no subject
Date: 2012-08-05 08:15 pm (UTC)i can only hope baekhyun and yifan both can handle chanyeol's little confession because aelwrkjara. sorry. keysmashing is appropriate right now i think.
no subject
Date: 2012-08-06 07:49 pm (UTC)<3 <3 yay! key smashing!! <3 <3
ugh it posted too fast! thanks for reading ;)
--m
no subject
Date: 2012-08-06 07:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-06 07:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-06 12:31 am (UTC)sooner or later, you will kill me with your amazing ff! i don't know if i hate you or i love you!!! è.è
seriously, i really like this... series (?) i love how kris describes chanyeol in the first part, and now i love the point of view of chanyeol ** maybe, in the next fic it's time for baekhyun? :)
anyway, i love this! and i can't wait for the next part! *____* (maybe, i can add you as friend, so i can check you and your fic??? PLEEEEEASE! **)
and sorry for my english and for this senseless comment, but your fics make me cry, or make me soooo excited, and i can't write in an appropriate manner^^
aaaaaaand, yes, if you'll write a kris/chanyeol fic, i will love you until i die. and probably more ** you're definitely my favourite author, your fics are awesome and i have so many feels for the krisyeol! it would be gorgeous *_____*
and, ok, i'm finished XD
no subject
Date: 2012-08-06 07:51 pm (UTC)and AHHHHHH this was a great comment! i'm glad you liked this, and Push and Pull, which is my baby T____T
sjdhgjfs KRISYEOL IS BEAUTIFUL AND GREAT AND WONDERFUL AND EVERYONE SHOULD LOVE IT <3 <3
thanks for reading and commenting ^__^
--m
no subject
Date: 2012-08-06 08:19 pm (UTC)aaaaaaah i can't wait *-* i'm so curious about that fic! ok, i'm curious about everything XD but i really like it! :)
and, yes, 'push and pull' is like my favourite gri fic EVER! it's so perfect and beautiful ** i love that fic!
OH YES, OH YES!!!! krisyseol is amazing!!! and i agree with you: everyone should love it *_____* they're so cute, and sexy, and perfect together *__*
thanks to you for sharing your beautiful fic! <3
no subject
Date: 2012-08-07 06:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-07 07:12 pm (UTC)i hope i can resolve it for them, haha-- baekhyun is being a bit stubborn. <3
--m
no subject
Date: 2012-08-10 10:52 pm (UTC)even though it's pretty traj this dynamic is ajksjdfl really fantastic. then again I'm biased. because baekyeol + kris is basically the accumulation of all things I
lovehate in the world!!!1no subject
Date: 2012-08-16 11:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-27 04:43 am (UTC)