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maayacolabackupTitle: Replace
Pairing: Baekhyun/Kris, Chanyeol
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Chanyeol doesn't like boys. (2k)
Warnings:angst, more angst, depressing realities, making up for taochen fluff in bitter tears
Notes: this is for Romi, who deserves what she gets tbh.
Wu Fan deals with falling in love with Chanyeol the same way he deals with most things; hiding behind a thin veneer of detachment as he does his best not to fall apart.
It sneaks up on him unexpectedly. One moment he's listening to Jason Mraz through shared headphones on the side of a curb, smiling at his best friend as they enjoy the same song, and the next he's noticing that the way Chanyeol's arm feels against his own makes his heart beat a little faster and his stomach clench up with this terrible, unavoidable ache that renders him unable to catch his breath.
It's not like he decided to fall in love with Chanyeol. It's just that, in one moment, he exhaled, and then he inescapably was.
It's not as if he's planning on saying anything, or doing anything about it. He just lets the feeling simmer inside of him; a low, sickening almost-boil that never quite bubbles over.
Wu Fan is not the type to bubble over.
Chanyeol doesn't like boys, anyway. Chanyeol likes girls. Pretty, dainty, tiny girls with slender hands and painted eyes and soft dark hair. With round thighs and tiny waists and all these things that Wu Fan will never have. Never wanted to have.
Chanyeol likes girls who look like Baekhyun, Wu Fan thinks, when he sees Chanyeol's hand wrap protectively around Baekhyun's forearm, long thick fingers looking so large compared to Baekhyun's small bones.
Wu Fan's own hands are even larger than Chanyeol's.
But Baekhyun, for all his impeccable eyeliner and perfect teeth and teasing motions, will never be a girl, either.
Wu Fan finds him tightlipped in the bathroom, slender fingers gripping the edge of the counter, long rounded nails white at the ends of the beds, staring at himself in the mirror with an empty look in his eyes.
"Chanyeol doesn't like boys," Baekhyun says. His voice echoes against the walls, and something inside of Wu Fan shudders and breaks with it. "I knew that, but I thought he might like me." Baekhyun closes his eyes. Wu Fan can see the downturned corners of Baekhyun's lips, uneven top lip still shiny with gloss.
"You're a boy," Wu Fan says, and his voice is cold and serious, even though he can taste empathy on the back of his tongue like lemons. It burns.
"So are you," Baekhyun says, and he opens his eyes, meeting Wu Fan's gaze in the mirror, eyes dark and knowing.
"Yeah," Wu Fan says, and he tries to swallow but his throat is closed and dry. "We've got to go."
"I'll be there in a minute," Baekhyun says. "You don't get rejected every day, you know?"
"Yeah," Wu Fan says again, and he leaves Baekhyun alone.
He's less surprised than he should be when Baekhyun corners him that night in EXO-M's living room. Everyone else has gone to bed, and Baekhyun should be at his own dorm, asleep in the room he shares with Chanyeol.
"I can't sleep there," Baekhyun says. "Not tonight." Baekhyun licks his lower lip, and Wu Fan watches the gesture with strangely mesmerized eyes. "Tomorrow, it'll be okay," Baekhyun says, "but not tonight."
Wu Fan doesn't reply, just scoots over to make room. Baekhyun sits next to him on the couch, his thigh pressed tightly agains Wu Fan's, and Wu Fan can feel nothing but the heat of Baekhyun as they sit, unspeaking.
"I understand," Wu Fan says, eventually. "Perfectly."
Wu Fan knows what it's like to look at Chanyeol and want to get closer. He knows what it's like to link fingers with Chanyeol and feel the calluses on his fingers and the softness of his palm and wish it meant more than it does. He knows what it's like to bear the brunt of Chanyeol's smile and feel your heart break because he smiles at everyone else just like that, too.
"I know," Baekhyun says, and they look at each other. The only light in the room is the television, playing the news, and Wu Fan can see the glitter of headlines reflected in Baekhyun's eyes.
He's prettier like this, Wu Fan thinks. Without all the BB Cream hiding the imperfections of his skin that aren't really imperfections at all.
Baekhyun's lips part, and he takes a slow, even inhale. "Wu Fan," he says, and there's something dangerous in his voice that Wu Fan doesn't quite comprehend. "Can I-"
"Can you what?" Wu Fan starts to ask, but then Baekhyun's lips are sliding over his own, slightly dry and very warm.
Baekhyun tastes like mint and coffee, and definitely nothing like girl. Wu Fan's kissed girls and it was nothing like this. Baekhyun kisses like he's trying to take; lips pulling on Wu Fan's, and tongue slipping out to glide easily along Wu Fan's lower lip, teeth lightly biting down on the upper. Wu Fan hisses and tries to pull back, but Baekhyun follows him, chases him, and Wu Fan finds himself pressed up against the back of the couch with Baekhyun straddling him. Wu Fan's hands are somehow resting on Baekhyun's thighs, and Baekhyun's hands are in Wu Fan's messy, bleached out hair, and Wu Fan's not sure what's happening.
He manages to pull away, enough that he can speak but not enough that when he does his lips don't ghost across Baekhyun's. His mouth tingles and he can feel the wetness of Baekhyun's saliva at the corner of his mouth, and his eyes flicker down and catch a glimpse of Baekhyun's swollen lips and he wonders if his look the same.
"Why are you doing this?" Wu Fan asks, and it comes out as a croak, the way it does in the morning sometimes when Chanyeol walks by him and drops a friendly hand on his hip in greeting.
"Because he'll never want to kiss you," Baekhyun says, lips grazing Wu Fan's jaw. "He'll never, ever want to kiss you." Wu Fan's breath hitches, and his fingers tighten on Baekhyun's thighs, digging in through the soft material of Baekhyun's pajama pants. "But I will." Baekhyun frees his fingers from Wu Fan's hair, drags them down. He doesn't move back. His whisper is hot against Wu Fan's still spit-slick lips.
"He'll never want to kiss you, either," Wu Fan chokes out in reply, distracted by the way Baekhyun's fingers brush the skin of his neck, so light it almost tickles.
"I know," Baekhyun says, and then he chuckles. "Don't you want to kiss someone who understands?"
"No," Wu Fan says, but Baekhyun kisses him again anyway. This time Baekhyun's tongue slips its way inside his mouth, licking at his cheeks and his teeth, and Wu Fan just tries to keep up; finds himself kissing back. Baekhyun's fingers, those long, thin fingers that are nothing like Chanyeol's, slide down his arms and push up under the hem of his shirt, teasing bare skin. Wu Fan groans, quietly, restrained, at the touch, and Baekhyun stills for a moment at the sound before he continues, hands finding their way up to Wu Fan's nipples.
Wu Fan wonders if Baekhyun is thinking about how noisy Chanyeol is. How Chanyeol would have moaned loudly at the glide of Baekhyun's fingers along his belly. How Chanyeol's thick lips would have pressed back more eagerly, more hungrily than Wu Fan's had. How Chanyeol would have-
Baekhyun's mouth finds his clavicles, sucking and leaving marks, and Wu Fan lets him; he knows he shouldn't, because neither of them are what the other wants, but he does let him, because Baekhyun's mouth feels nice and Wu Fan hasn't felt nice for a long time.
He slides his hands up, palms pressing along the lines of Baekhyun's vertebrae, and tries not to think about how Baekhyun is so much smaller, in his arms, than Chanyeol would be.
Wu Fan's not sure how they go from kissing to this; Wu Fan's trousers discarded next to the sofa as Baekhyun's lips close around his erection, hands digging into the sofa cushion so that he doesn't pull too hard at Baekhyun's hair like he wants to. Chanyeol would never be that careful, Wu Fan thinks, but he can't be Chanyeol for Baekhyun. Baekhyun can never be Chanyeol for Wu Fan, either.
But Baekhyun can be Baekhyun, and Wu Fan concentrates on the mole on Baekhyun's upper lip and the way his left eyebrow quirks as he concentrates, and that's... it's enough, and Wu Fan feels a tightening in his balls just as Baekhyun pulls away. "Not like this," Baekhyun says, and Wu Fan groans, stifling the sound, and Baekhyun looks up at him, eyes looking too round and too young and too sad, and Wu Fan closes his own eyes to escape them.
When Baekhyun slips a finger into him, slick with spit, Wu Fan gasps; tries to pull away, but Baekhyun follows him, presses in deeper, and Chanyeol's fingers are thick and unwieldy and wouldn't feel anything like this.
"Let me," Baekhyun says. "Let me forget." His voice is hoarse and rough, and yet still so sweet. It's not like when Baekhyun sings on stage. It's not dulcet or pretty or anything like that. It's broken, Wu Fan thinks; jagged and sharp enough to cut, but Wu Fan's already bleeding so that's all right.
Baekhyun fucks him with three too-dry fingers that curl and wriggle and tease until Wu Fan comes, shaking and trembling and shattering into a million pieces, and he doesn't bother to put himself back together as he pulls Baekhyun down on top of him and kisses him sloppily, hand pushing down into Baekhyun's pajamas and wrapping around Baekhyun's dick, stroking him until he follows, spilling all over Wu Fan's shirt and bare thighs.
Chanyeol would be too big to lie on top of Wu Fan like this. Chanyeol would be too warm. Chanyeol wouldn't be content to lie still, anyway. He'd wiggle and laugh and push on Wu Fan until Wu Fan fell off the couch and glared at him indignantly and...
But Baekhyun just stretches out, fitting into the curve of Wu Fan's side like a puzzle piece. Wu Fan's never cared much for puzzles.
Baekhyun bites down on his lower lip and looks up through his lashes into Wu Fan's eyes. "He'll never want to kiss you," Baekhyun says, like he's trying to twist the knife. Wu Fan's not sure who it hurts more.
"He'll never want to kiss you, either," Wu Fan replies, and Baekhyun's eyes are glassy, or maybe it's just that Wu Fan's eyes are so wet he just thinks they are.
The TV is the only noise in the room.
"I'm glad," Chanyeol says later, "that Baekhyun has you. That you guys are happy together."
Wu Fan's hands tighten into fists. "Yeah," he says, and tries not to think about the way Baekhyun's cheeks taste like salt as he fucks Wu Fan into the mattress at night, hips moving quick, and saying nothing at all.
"I was worried," Chanyeol says. "Because before..."
"I know," Wu Fan says. "Trust me. I know."
"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it," Chanyeol says. He waggles his eyebrows. "I don't want any details, anyway. I love you guys, but I'm not into that whole..."
"Yeah," Wu Fan says, and he meets Chanyeol's eyes.
Chanyeol smiles at Wu Fan, then; wide and innocent and beautiful. It's the same way he smiles at everyone else, and Wu Fan's heart breaks all over again.
Pairing: Baekhyun/Kris, Chanyeol
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Chanyeol doesn't like boys. (2k)
Warnings:
Notes: this is for Romi, who deserves what she gets tbh.
Wu Fan deals with falling in love with Chanyeol the same way he deals with most things; hiding behind a thin veneer of detachment as he does his best not to fall apart.
It sneaks up on him unexpectedly. One moment he's listening to Jason Mraz through shared headphones on the side of a curb, smiling at his best friend as they enjoy the same song, and the next he's noticing that the way Chanyeol's arm feels against his own makes his heart beat a little faster and his stomach clench up with this terrible, unavoidable ache that renders him unable to catch his breath.
It's not like he decided to fall in love with Chanyeol. It's just that, in one moment, he exhaled, and then he inescapably was.
It's not as if he's planning on saying anything, or doing anything about it. He just lets the feeling simmer inside of him; a low, sickening almost-boil that never quite bubbles over.
Wu Fan is not the type to bubble over.
Chanyeol doesn't like boys, anyway. Chanyeol likes girls. Pretty, dainty, tiny girls with slender hands and painted eyes and soft dark hair. With round thighs and tiny waists and all these things that Wu Fan will never have. Never wanted to have.
Chanyeol likes girls who look like Baekhyun, Wu Fan thinks, when he sees Chanyeol's hand wrap protectively around Baekhyun's forearm, long thick fingers looking so large compared to Baekhyun's small bones.
Wu Fan's own hands are even larger than Chanyeol's.
But Baekhyun, for all his impeccable eyeliner and perfect teeth and teasing motions, will never be a girl, either.
Wu Fan finds him tightlipped in the bathroom, slender fingers gripping the edge of the counter, long rounded nails white at the ends of the beds, staring at himself in the mirror with an empty look in his eyes.
"Chanyeol doesn't like boys," Baekhyun says. His voice echoes against the walls, and something inside of Wu Fan shudders and breaks with it. "I knew that, but I thought he might like me." Baekhyun closes his eyes. Wu Fan can see the downturned corners of Baekhyun's lips, uneven top lip still shiny with gloss.
"You're a boy," Wu Fan says, and his voice is cold and serious, even though he can taste empathy on the back of his tongue like lemons. It burns.
"So are you," Baekhyun says, and he opens his eyes, meeting Wu Fan's gaze in the mirror, eyes dark and knowing.
"Yeah," Wu Fan says, and he tries to swallow but his throat is closed and dry. "We've got to go."
"I'll be there in a minute," Baekhyun says. "You don't get rejected every day, you know?"
"Yeah," Wu Fan says again, and he leaves Baekhyun alone.
He's less surprised than he should be when Baekhyun corners him that night in EXO-M's living room. Everyone else has gone to bed, and Baekhyun should be at his own dorm, asleep in the room he shares with Chanyeol.
"I can't sleep there," Baekhyun says. "Not tonight." Baekhyun licks his lower lip, and Wu Fan watches the gesture with strangely mesmerized eyes. "Tomorrow, it'll be okay," Baekhyun says, "but not tonight."
Wu Fan doesn't reply, just scoots over to make room. Baekhyun sits next to him on the couch, his thigh pressed tightly agains Wu Fan's, and Wu Fan can feel nothing but the heat of Baekhyun as they sit, unspeaking.
"I understand," Wu Fan says, eventually. "Perfectly."
Wu Fan knows what it's like to look at Chanyeol and want to get closer. He knows what it's like to link fingers with Chanyeol and feel the calluses on his fingers and the softness of his palm and wish it meant more than it does. He knows what it's like to bear the brunt of Chanyeol's smile and feel your heart break because he smiles at everyone else just like that, too.
"I know," Baekhyun says, and they look at each other. The only light in the room is the television, playing the news, and Wu Fan can see the glitter of headlines reflected in Baekhyun's eyes.
He's prettier like this, Wu Fan thinks. Without all the BB Cream hiding the imperfections of his skin that aren't really imperfections at all.
Baekhyun's lips part, and he takes a slow, even inhale. "Wu Fan," he says, and there's something dangerous in his voice that Wu Fan doesn't quite comprehend. "Can I-"
"Can you what?" Wu Fan starts to ask, but then Baekhyun's lips are sliding over his own, slightly dry and very warm.
Baekhyun tastes like mint and coffee, and definitely nothing like girl. Wu Fan's kissed girls and it was nothing like this. Baekhyun kisses like he's trying to take; lips pulling on Wu Fan's, and tongue slipping out to glide easily along Wu Fan's lower lip, teeth lightly biting down on the upper. Wu Fan hisses and tries to pull back, but Baekhyun follows him, chases him, and Wu Fan finds himself pressed up against the back of the couch with Baekhyun straddling him. Wu Fan's hands are somehow resting on Baekhyun's thighs, and Baekhyun's hands are in Wu Fan's messy, bleached out hair, and Wu Fan's not sure what's happening.
He manages to pull away, enough that he can speak but not enough that when he does his lips don't ghost across Baekhyun's. His mouth tingles and he can feel the wetness of Baekhyun's saliva at the corner of his mouth, and his eyes flicker down and catch a glimpse of Baekhyun's swollen lips and he wonders if his look the same.
"Why are you doing this?" Wu Fan asks, and it comes out as a croak, the way it does in the morning sometimes when Chanyeol walks by him and drops a friendly hand on his hip in greeting.
"Because he'll never want to kiss you," Baekhyun says, lips grazing Wu Fan's jaw. "He'll never, ever want to kiss you." Wu Fan's breath hitches, and his fingers tighten on Baekhyun's thighs, digging in through the soft material of Baekhyun's pajama pants. "But I will." Baekhyun frees his fingers from Wu Fan's hair, drags them down. He doesn't move back. His whisper is hot against Wu Fan's still spit-slick lips.
"He'll never want to kiss you, either," Wu Fan chokes out in reply, distracted by the way Baekhyun's fingers brush the skin of his neck, so light it almost tickles.
"I know," Baekhyun says, and then he chuckles. "Don't you want to kiss someone who understands?"
"No," Wu Fan says, but Baekhyun kisses him again anyway. This time Baekhyun's tongue slips its way inside his mouth, licking at his cheeks and his teeth, and Wu Fan just tries to keep up; finds himself kissing back. Baekhyun's fingers, those long, thin fingers that are nothing like Chanyeol's, slide down his arms and push up under the hem of his shirt, teasing bare skin. Wu Fan groans, quietly, restrained, at the touch, and Baekhyun stills for a moment at the sound before he continues, hands finding their way up to Wu Fan's nipples.
Wu Fan wonders if Baekhyun is thinking about how noisy Chanyeol is. How Chanyeol would have moaned loudly at the glide of Baekhyun's fingers along his belly. How Chanyeol's thick lips would have pressed back more eagerly, more hungrily than Wu Fan's had. How Chanyeol would have-
Baekhyun's mouth finds his clavicles, sucking and leaving marks, and Wu Fan lets him; he knows he shouldn't, because neither of them are what the other wants, but he does let him, because Baekhyun's mouth feels nice and Wu Fan hasn't felt nice for a long time.
He slides his hands up, palms pressing along the lines of Baekhyun's vertebrae, and tries not to think about how Baekhyun is so much smaller, in his arms, than Chanyeol would be.
Wu Fan's not sure how they go from kissing to this; Wu Fan's trousers discarded next to the sofa as Baekhyun's lips close around his erection, hands digging into the sofa cushion so that he doesn't pull too hard at Baekhyun's hair like he wants to. Chanyeol would never be that careful, Wu Fan thinks, but he can't be Chanyeol for Baekhyun. Baekhyun can never be Chanyeol for Wu Fan, either.
But Baekhyun can be Baekhyun, and Wu Fan concentrates on the mole on Baekhyun's upper lip and the way his left eyebrow quirks as he concentrates, and that's... it's enough, and Wu Fan feels a tightening in his balls just as Baekhyun pulls away. "Not like this," Baekhyun says, and Wu Fan groans, stifling the sound, and Baekhyun looks up at him, eyes looking too round and too young and too sad, and Wu Fan closes his own eyes to escape them.
When Baekhyun slips a finger into him, slick with spit, Wu Fan gasps; tries to pull away, but Baekhyun follows him, presses in deeper, and Chanyeol's fingers are thick and unwieldy and wouldn't feel anything like this.
"Let me," Baekhyun says. "Let me forget." His voice is hoarse and rough, and yet still so sweet. It's not like when Baekhyun sings on stage. It's not dulcet or pretty or anything like that. It's broken, Wu Fan thinks; jagged and sharp enough to cut, but Wu Fan's already bleeding so that's all right.
Baekhyun fucks him with three too-dry fingers that curl and wriggle and tease until Wu Fan comes, shaking and trembling and shattering into a million pieces, and he doesn't bother to put himself back together as he pulls Baekhyun down on top of him and kisses him sloppily, hand pushing down into Baekhyun's pajamas and wrapping around Baekhyun's dick, stroking him until he follows, spilling all over Wu Fan's shirt and bare thighs.
Chanyeol would be too big to lie on top of Wu Fan like this. Chanyeol would be too warm. Chanyeol wouldn't be content to lie still, anyway. He'd wiggle and laugh and push on Wu Fan until Wu Fan fell off the couch and glared at him indignantly and...
But Baekhyun just stretches out, fitting into the curve of Wu Fan's side like a puzzle piece. Wu Fan's never cared much for puzzles.
Baekhyun bites down on his lower lip and looks up through his lashes into Wu Fan's eyes. "He'll never want to kiss you," Baekhyun says, like he's trying to twist the knife. Wu Fan's not sure who it hurts more.
"He'll never want to kiss you, either," Wu Fan replies, and Baekhyun's eyes are glassy, or maybe it's just that Wu Fan's eyes are so wet he just thinks they are.
The TV is the only noise in the room.
"I'm glad," Chanyeol says later, "that Baekhyun has you. That you guys are happy together."
Wu Fan's hands tighten into fists. "Yeah," he says, and tries not to think about the way Baekhyun's cheeks taste like salt as he fucks Wu Fan into the mattress at night, hips moving quick, and saying nothing at all.
"I was worried," Chanyeol says. "Because before..."
"I know," Wu Fan says. "Trust me. I know."
"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it," Chanyeol says. He waggles his eyebrows. "I don't want any details, anyway. I love you guys, but I'm not into that whole..."
"Yeah," Wu Fan says, and he meets Chanyeol's eyes.
Chanyeol smiles at Wu Fan, then; wide and innocent and beautiful. It's the same way he smiles at everyone else, and Wu Fan's heart breaks all over again.
Tags:
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no subject
Date: 2012-07-24 08:35 am (UTC)Yes, you can still write angst. #CRYING
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Date: 2012-07-24 01:31 pm (UTC)<3 <3 <3 Good to know I haven't lost my touch.
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Date: 2012-07-24 09:15 am (UTC)Can I just say that I'm mindfucked and you win all the awards!?!?
I just can't explain how I feel this is so so good.
Maia if I draw you something will you write diva kris and baek pleaseu? ;~;
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Date: 2012-07-24 01:34 pm (UTC)I really like happy endings ^___^ But I couldn't give this one.
THE PROBLEM IS I HAVE NO REAL PLOT I'M INTERESTED IN FOR IT. I MEAN, I LIKE THE IMAGE, BUT MY BRAIN ISN'T COMING UP WITH THE KIND OF JOKES I'D LIKE. plus I have plans for a "diva" Baekhyun already...
Thank you for commenting~!!
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Date: 2012-07-24 12:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-24 01:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2012-07-24 02:17 pm (UTC)but i loved every second of it <3 /rolls around in the angst
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Date: 2012-07-24 02:18 pm (UTC)(<3)
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Date: 2012-07-24 02:54 pm (UTC)I'm making fake olympic medals for a bunch of little ones but I will be back. Which is not a cute way of saying 'mentally preparing' although it should be.
♥... I think...
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Date: 2012-07-24 03:01 pm (UTC)(cutest image though?)
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Date: 2012-07-24 04:46 pm (UTC)my brain needs recovery. i caslfkhlkgh GREAT NOW I HAVE ACTUAL BAEKRIS FEELS and its heartbreaking and fffffffsladghf excuse me i need more coffee
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Date: 2012-07-24 04:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2012-07-24 05:13 pm (UTC)CAN I JUST LOVE YOU DOWN RIGHT NOW. LET ME CAST ASIDE THE FACT THAT YOU BROKE THE BAEKYEOL SHIP AND /MY CREYZ, BUT YOU WROTE TOP!BAEKHYUN AND asdfgaksafhksf THANK YOU.
Sorry, I have a lot of pent up emotions about that subject.I'm just going to stalk you forever because you always write the most beautiful stuff and the words cannot describe my creyz right now because of how the Baekyeol ;~; how it's so broken. But at least Chanyeol still cares about him, *sob* IT HURTS SO BAD. I feel sorry for Kris too, BUT MY BAEKYEOL FEELS ARE STRONGER THAN THAT, SORRY.
Can I just ;~; can I just love you forever and desk mash and rub my face into the keyboard because *sob* you're so good T_T
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Date: 2012-07-24 05:21 pm (UTC)Baekyeol wants to be happy, IDK why this happened, I'll make them happy again next time ;___;
#otp
WILL ACCEPT ALL LOVE. <3 <3
Thank you~~
--maia
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Date: 2012-07-24 05:15 pm (UTC)Ok this was nice but omfg why it's so depressing MY FEELS. My Baekyeol feels are just a crumpled abused mess on the floor. And my Krisyeol feels are a shredded heap on top of that. :|
I kinda like the Baekris pairing though idk but not like this. ;-;
OK THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL BUT I'M SAD NOW THANKS FOR WRITING AND BEING AMAZING /incoherent
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Date: 2012-07-24 05:25 pm (UTC)<3 <3 thanks for reading even if i didn't crosspost it because #sadfic ~~
--Maia
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Date: 2012-07-24 05:30 pm (UTC)Oh hey, thanks for breaking my heart, btw. #kicks T_____T
Still not sure what to think about BAEKHYUN TOPPING KRIS, OMG ASLDFKJ, but I really love that Chanyeol is so. Chanyeol? Because he would feel so very sorry about it all and be just as happy and lovely and ugh. My heart. Damn you #kickssomemore T____T
I hope Romi cries when she reads this fic. TT____TT
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Date: 2012-07-24 05:35 pm (UTC)#T_______T #brokemyownheart #warnedromiprofusely
UM. So this is complicated but Kris could never top Baekhyun the way Baekhyun is in my headcanon for this. Because Baekhyun feels rejected and ants control, and wants to make someone want him, and Kris understands and lets him have that control?
And UGH WORST IDEA EVER TO DEPRESS MYSELF.
(<3 <3 <3 <3)
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Date: 2012-07-24 06:06 pm (UTC)//sob//
I can't right now.
This is so beautiful.
Unf.
I'll collect my thoughts and come back.
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Date: 2012-07-25 04:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-24 09:14 pm (UTC)Even if they're really together because they're holding their feelings for Chanyeol and that's really sad :(
All I wanna do now is give both WuFan and Baek a hug.
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Date: 2012-07-25 12:19 am (UTC)Thanks for reading~~
--maia
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Date: 2012-07-25 04:31 am (UTC)But then this Baekhyun says, like he's trying to twist the knife happened. And then, Chanyeol happened at the end and it was THE WORST AND FINE, OK, STOMPING ON MY HEART ACHIEVED. :| ... ._. ... T__T
I'm not sure if I should leave you a 'serious comment' or scream at you as promised T_T
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Date: 2012-07-25 04:36 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2012-07-25 04:42 am (UTC)I fucking hate Baekhyun post-rejection. Well not him, just THE IDEA of him being like that because SWEETHEART. Also #OTP. But I had this coming, ok.
actually that came out wrong. I hate him being rejected and suffering for it - but I rather enjoy him sort of steeling himself for what comes next? if...that makes sense... because Baekhyun wouldn't mope like a weakling yo, I like to think he's stronger than that. In my, er, work-in-prgress-Baek-headcanon
ANYWAY.
I like Kris in this. Because yes blank fronts. FRONTS!
I AM TRYING TO FOCUS ON THE GOOD BITS SO I WON'T KICK THINGS.
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Date: 2012-07-25 04:45 am (UTC)this is my ot3 but i made it awful why did i make it awful
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From:no subject
Date: 2012-07-25 09:23 am (UTC)You keep outdoing yourself every time, seriously, and this fic hits a lot of my emotional kinks - love tri...angles?, people settling for each other when they can't have who/what they really want, falling for one's tragically heterosexual best friend. I love how differently Kris and Baekhyun deal with their unrequited feelings and how that difference manifests in how they interact with each other, with the way Baekhyun lashes out so sharply and cruelly and how kris just kind of - gives in. It seems really realistic, I think, given what we know of their personalities. (Not that Baekhyun seems cruel, but I could see him being at least temporarily blindsided by emotions.)
I also love it when you write stories from Kris's PoV, because he seems so neutral and poised in interviews and on shows (unless Layhan are giving him a hard time) that it's refreshing to read about his inner turmoil? haha. And the ending of this, ugh, my heart. It's so believable too, because Chanyeol does seem like the type to love everyone, to not discriminate with his affections.
I really enjoyed this, thank you <3
no subject
Date: 2012-07-25 04:10 pm (UTC)But ahhhhhhhh, this fic was a prompt I didn't know if I could write. This might make you laugh, but I'm a primarily an angst writer in my other fandoms, and EXO is where i write to be fluffy and sweet, hahaha. But then I started thinking about how it might work and... yeah, cruel is a good word, actually, because i think being rejected brings out the very worst in us as people. we struggle, then, to be worth something to someone.
kris is someone that strikes me as incredibly insecure; the way he acts borders on vain, and he's cocky, but usually those sorts of people are telling you how good they are because they're afraid if they don't, you'll leave, or you won't think they're worth anything. i want to give him a hug. i have a huge unacceptable soft spot.
chanyeol is super affectionate with everyone, and he's the sort of guy i would have had a crush on in HS and he would have broken my heart ;____;
i'm glad you enjoyed it, even if it was a sad piece.
--maia
no subject
Date: 2012-07-25 02:04 pm (UTC)I kept thinking about this long after I'd read it. I couldn't help but feel so sad about how Baekhyun tried to find comfort in Kris because he was rejected by the guy they were both in love with. It felt so depressing and destructive in a way that my heart ached for them. And Chanyeol was so clueless about the whole thing, which makes it worse.
So many feelings. :( You really made up for that TaoChen fluff. LOL.
Still, good writing, as always. :)
no subject
Date: 2012-07-25 04:13 pm (UTC)It is sad... and i wonder if being together just made them even sadder ;___; ugh I'm going to have to write more fluff to make up for this.
thank you very much!!
--maia
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2012-07-25 06:38 pm (UTC)But reeeally omg thanks for writing such pretty and beautiful and heartbreaking fic and Kris/Baekhyun is one of my favorite (rare) pairings but it's very hard to find their fics ;_; (I don't even know how I came across your lj lol)
And top!Baekhyun omg why.
I love it though.
no subject
Date: 2012-07-26 08:39 am (UTC)I like this pairing too!! They're interesting!!!
Baekhyun can top if he wants to! :P And he really wanted to, this time, haha. <3
Thanks for reading and commenting!!! <3 <3
no subject
Date: 2012-07-26 04:28 am (UTC)THIS IS SO SADDENING
"I know," Baekhyun says, and they look at each other. The only light in the room is the television, playing the news, and Wu Fan can see the glitter of headlines reflected in Baekhyun's eyes.
bleeds all over you
no subject
Date: 2012-07-26 08:40 am (UTC)#mops up blood consolingly
#offers a cookie
(Thanks for reading ^__^ <3 )
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2012-07-27 05:10 am (UTC)Not one, but two.
Two OTPs you've broken for me in one fic.
One small fic.
I salute you.
no subject
Date: 2012-07-27 05:18 am (UTC)<3 thanks for reading, even if it left you D: at the end, as it was intended to do <3
--maia
no subject
Date: 2012-07-27 08:11 am (UTC)i'm oldsleep is for the weak anyway ok brb
no subject
Date: 2012-07-27 08:25 am (UTC)the angst was brilliant and handled so well, just enough to make me sigh and wonder how this could possibly end well for the two of them and then when it did end i was pretty much sitting here thinking how much of a sadist you are. but it's beautiful that way too in a tragic way and i loved this whole fic.
ugh you are so wonderful
ok going to cry over the sekai one now
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2012-07-27 08:54 am (UTC)/sobs all over you
W
H
Y
no subject
Date: 2012-07-27 03:26 pm (UTC)D: D: D:
--maia
no subject
Date: 2012-07-27 10:34 am (UTC)This is going to sound so weird, but somehow your fics always seem silent to me. Not in a bad way, just soft and silent like when you're listening to a slow soothing song you really like and that makes you feel good even when it's sad, and you just want to be in silence to focus on the song and enjoy it and even when the song's over you just keep on enjoying the silence after it because it feels a bit like it's part of the song.
So yeah. Uhm. Weird explanation about why your fics are wonderful.
Also, quotes like these.
eyes looking too round and too young and too sad
His voice is hoarse and rough, and yet still so sweet. (...) It's broken, Wu Fan thinks; jagged and sharp enough to cut, but Wu Fan's already bleeding so that's all right.
Your way with words is so wonderful your sentences always stay in my head for days after I read them.
Also I really like how Chanyeol's so innocent in this, how he's making both Kris and Baekhyun hurt but he doesn't realize just how much harm he causes, and how it's not even his fault because it's just not his thing and no one can blame him and that makes everything hurt more.
no subject
Date: 2012-07-27 03:29 pm (UTC)ughhhhhhhh i make myself depressed
<3 <3 <3 gracias, amorcita
--maia
no subject
Date: 2012-07-27 01:12 pm (UTC)actually afternoon, but i've only just woken up...but it's so beautiful, and gah. so sad... and ... i don't even know what i want to say anymoar.... ;~;
no subject
Date: 2012-07-27 03:29 pm (UTC)thank you for reading <3
--maia
no subject
Date: 2012-07-27 03:50 pm (UTC)I have super odd times to decide to readbut that was sad and of course surprising cause I love when hight doesn't matter when it comes to who's top.no subject
Date: 2012-07-29 05:10 pm (UTC)thank you for reading!
--maia
no subject
Date: 2012-07-27 11:30 pm (UTC)this is so perfect and wonderful and sad
it's just so beautifully written, but raw
He knows what it's like to bear the brunt of Chanyeol's smile and feel your heart break because he smiles at everyone else just like that, too.
and this was perfect
no subject
Date: 2012-07-29 05:11 pm (UTC)thank you for reading T___T <3
no subject
Date: 2012-07-30 12:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-30 04:41 pm (UTC)I think of Kris as probably very emotional and very stoic to hide that. Glad you saw that ;)
thanks for reading and for commenting ;)
--maia