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maayacolabackupTitle: Replace
Pairing: Baekhyun/Kris, Chanyeol
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Chanyeol doesn't like boys. (2k)
Warnings:angst, more angst, depressing realities, making up for taochen fluff in bitter tears
Notes: this is for Romi, who deserves what she gets tbh.
Wu Fan deals with falling in love with Chanyeol the same way he deals with most things; hiding behind a thin veneer of detachment as he does his best not to fall apart.
It sneaks up on him unexpectedly. One moment he's listening to Jason Mraz through shared headphones on the side of a curb, smiling at his best friend as they enjoy the same song, and the next he's noticing that the way Chanyeol's arm feels against his own makes his heart beat a little faster and his stomach clench up with this terrible, unavoidable ache that renders him unable to catch his breath.
It's not like he decided to fall in love with Chanyeol. It's just that, in one moment, he exhaled, and then he inescapably was.
It's not as if he's planning on saying anything, or doing anything about it. He just lets the feeling simmer inside of him; a low, sickening almost-boil that never quite bubbles over.
Wu Fan is not the type to bubble over.
Chanyeol doesn't like boys, anyway. Chanyeol likes girls. Pretty, dainty, tiny girls with slender hands and painted eyes and soft dark hair. With round thighs and tiny waists and all these things that Wu Fan will never have. Never wanted to have.
Chanyeol likes girls who look like Baekhyun, Wu Fan thinks, when he sees Chanyeol's hand wrap protectively around Baekhyun's forearm, long thick fingers looking so large compared to Baekhyun's small bones.
Wu Fan's own hands are even larger than Chanyeol's.
But Baekhyun, for all his impeccable eyeliner and perfect teeth and teasing motions, will never be a girl, either.
Wu Fan finds him tightlipped in the bathroom, slender fingers gripping the edge of the counter, long rounded nails white at the ends of the beds, staring at himself in the mirror with an empty look in his eyes.
"Chanyeol doesn't like boys," Baekhyun says. His voice echoes against the walls, and something inside of Wu Fan shudders and breaks with it. "I knew that, but I thought he might like me." Baekhyun closes his eyes. Wu Fan can see the downturned corners of Baekhyun's lips, uneven top lip still shiny with gloss.
"You're a boy," Wu Fan says, and his voice is cold and serious, even though he can taste empathy on the back of his tongue like lemons. It burns.
"So are you," Baekhyun says, and he opens his eyes, meeting Wu Fan's gaze in the mirror, eyes dark and knowing.
"Yeah," Wu Fan says, and he tries to swallow but his throat is closed and dry. "We've got to go."
"I'll be there in a minute," Baekhyun says. "You don't get rejected every day, you know?"
"Yeah," Wu Fan says again, and he leaves Baekhyun alone.
He's less surprised than he should be when Baekhyun corners him that night in EXO-M's living room. Everyone else has gone to bed, and Baekhyun should be at his own dorm, asleep in the room he shares with Chanyeol.
"I can't sleep there," Baekhyun says. "Not tonight." Baekhyun licks his lower lip, and Wu Fan watches the gesture with strangely mesmerized eyes. "Tomorrow, it'll be okay," Baekhyun says, "but not tonight."
Wu Fan doesn't reply, just scoots over to make room. Baekhyun sits next to him on the couch, his thigh pressed tightly agains Wu Fan's, and Wu Fan can feel nothing but the heat of Baekhyun as they sit, unspeaking.
"I understand," Wu Fan says, eventually. "Perfectly."
Wu Fan knows what it's like to look at Chanyeol and want to get closer. He knows what it's like to link fingers with Chanyeol and feel the calluses on his fingers and the softness of his palm and wish it meant more than it does. He knows what it's like to bear the brunt of Chanyeol's smile and feel your heart break because he smiles at everyone else just like that, too.
"I know," Baekhyun says, and they look at each other. The only light in the room is the television, playing the news, and Wu Fan can see the glitter of headlines reflected in Baekhyun's eyes.
He's prettier like this, Wu Fan thinks. Without all the BB Cream hiding the imperfections of his skin that aren't really imperfections at all.
Baekhyun's lips part, and he takes a slow, even inhale. "Wu Fan," he says, and there's something dangerous in his voice that Wu Fan doesn't quite comprehend. "Can I-"
"Can you what?" Wu Fan starts to ask, but then Baekhyun's lips are sliding over his own, slightly dry and very warm.
Baekhyun tastes like mint and coffee, and definitely nothing like girl. Wu Fan's kissed girls and it was nothing like this. Baekhyun kisses like he's trying to take; lips pulling on Wu Fan's, and tongue slipping out to glide easily along Wu Fan's lower lip, teeth lightly biting down on the upper. Wu Fan hisses and tries to pull back, but Baekhyun follows him, chases him, and Wu Fan finds himself pressed up against the back of the couch with Baekhyun straddling him. Wu Fan's hands are somehow resting on Baekhyun's thighs, and Baekhyun's hands are in Wu Fan's messy, bleached out hair, and Wu Fan's not sure what's happening.
He manages to pull away, enough that he can speak but not enough that when he does his lips don't ghost across Baekhyun's. His mouth tingles and he can feel the wetness of Baekhyun's saliva at the corner of his mouth, and his eyes flicker down and catch a glimpse of Baekhyun's swollen lips and he wonders if his look the same.
"Why are you doing this?" Wu Fan asks, and it comes out as a croak, the way it does in the morning sometimes when Chanyeol walks by him and drops a friendly hand on his hip in greeting.
"Because he'll never want to kiss you," Baekhyun says, lips grazing Wu Fan's jaw. "He'll never, ever want to kiss you." Wu Fan's breath hitches, and his fingers tighten on Baekhyun's thighs, digging in through the soft material of Baekhyun's pajama pants. "But I will." Baekhyun frees his fingers from Wu Fan's hair, drags them down. He doesn't move back. His whisper is hot against Wu Fan's still spit-slick lips.
"He'll never want to kiss you, either," Wu Fan chokes out in reply, distracted by the way Baekhyun's fingers brush the skin of his neck, so light it almost tickles.
"I know," Baekhyun says, and then he chuckles. "Don't you want to kiss someone who understands?"
"No," Wu Fan says, but Baekhyun kisses him again anyway. This time Baekhyun's tongue slips its way inside his mouth, licking at his cheeks and his teeth, and Wu Fan just tries to keep up; finds himself kissing back. Baekhyun's fingers, those long, thin fingers that are nothing like Chanyeol's, slide down his arms and push up under the hem of his shirt, teasing bare skin. Wu Fan groans, quietly, restrained, at the touch, and Baekhyun stills for a moment at the sound before he continues, hands finding their way up to Wu Fan's nipples.
Wu Fan wonders if Baekhyun is thinking about how noisy Chanyeol is. How Chanyeol would have moaned loudly at the glide of Baekhyun's fingers along his belly. How Chanyeol's thick lips would have pressed back more eagerly, more hungrily than Wu Fan's had. How Chanyeol would have-
Baekhyun's mouth finds his clavicles, sucking and leaving marks, and Wu Fan lets him; he knows he shouldn't, because neither of them are what the other wants, but he does let him, because Baekhyun's mouth feels nice and Wu Fan hasn't felt nice for a long time.
He slides his hands up, palms pressing along the lines of Baekhyun's vertebrae, and tries not to think about how Baekhyun is so much smaller, in his arms, than Chanyeol would be.
Wu Fan's not sure how they go from kissing to this; Wu Fan's trousers discarded next to the sofa as Baekhyun's lips close around his erection, hands digging into the sofa cushion so that he doesn't pull too hard at Baekhyun's hair like he wants to. Chanyeol would never be that careful, Wu Fan thinks, but he can't be Chanyeol for Baekhyun. Baekhyun can never be Chanyeol for Wu Fan, either.
But Baekhyun can be Baekhyun, and Wu Fan concentrates on the mole on Baekhyun's upper lip and the way his left eyebrow quirks as he concentrates, and that's... it's enough, and Wu Fan feels a tightening in his balls just as Baekhyun pulls away. "Not like this," Baekhyun says, and Wu Fan groans, stifling the sound, and Baekhyun looks up at him, eyes looking too round and too young and too sad, and Wu Fan closes his own eyes to escape them.
When Baekhyun slips a finger into him, slick with spit, Wu Fan gasps; tries to pull away, but Baekhyun follows him, presses in deeper, and Chanyeol's fingers are thick and unwieldy and wouldn't feel anything like this.
"Let me," Baekhyun says. "Let me forget." His voice is hoarse and rough, and yet still so sweet. It's not like when Baekhyun sings on stage. It's not dulcet or pretty or anything like that. It's broken, Wu Fan thinks; jagged and sharp enough to cut, but Wu Fan's already bleeding so that's all right.
Baekhyun fucks him with three too-dry fingers that curl and wriggle and tease until Wu Fan comes, shaking and trembling and shattering into a million pieces, and he doesn't bother to put himself back together as he pulls Baekhyun down on top of him and kisses him sloppily, hand pushing down into Baekhyun's pajamas and wrapping around Baekhyun's dick, stroking him until he follows, spilling all over Wu Fan's shirt and bare thighs.
Chanyeol would be too big to lie on top of Wu Fan like this. Chanyeol would be too warm. Chanyeol wouldn't be content to lie still, anyway. He'd wiggle and laugh and push on Wu Fan until Wu Fan fell off the couch and glared at him indignantly and...
But Baekhyun just stretches out, fitting into the curve of Wu Fan's side like a puzzle piece. Wu Fan's never cared much for puzzles.
Baekhyun bites down on his lower lip and looks up through his lashes into Wu Fan's eyes. "He'll never want to kiss you," Baekhyun says, like he's trying to twist the knife. Wu Fan's not sure who it hurts more.
"He'll never want to kiss you, either," Wu Fan replies, and Baekhyun's eyes are glassy, or maybe it's just that Wu Fan's eyes are so wet he just thinks they are.
The TV is the only noise in the room.
"I'm glad," Chanyeol says later, "that Baekhyun has you. That you guys are happy together."
Wu Fan's hands tighten into fists. "Yeah," he says, and tries not to think about the way Baekhyun's cheeks taste like salt as he fucks Wu Fan into the mattress at night, hips moving quick, and saying nothing at all.
"I was worried," Chanyeol says. "Because before..."
"I know," Wu Fan says. "Trust me. I know."
"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it," Chanyeol says. He waggles his eyebrows. "I don't want any details, anyway. I love you guys, but I'm not into that whole..."
"Yeah," Wu Fan says, and he meets Chanyeol's eyes.
Chanyeol smiles at Wu Fan, then; wide and innocent and beautiful. It's the same way he smiles at everyone else, and Wu Fan's heart breaks all over again.
Pairing: Baekhyun/Kris, Chanyeol
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Chanyeol doesn't like boys. (2k)
Warnings:
Notes: this is for Romi, who deserves what she gets tbh.
Wu Fan deals with falling in love with Chanyeol the same way he deals with most things; hiding behind a thin veneer of detachment as he does his best not to fall apart.
It sneaks up on him unexpectedly. One moment he's listening to Jason Mraz through shared headphones on the side of a curb, smiling at his best friend as they enjoy the same song, and the next he's noticing that the way Chanyeol's arm feels against his own makes his heart beat a little faster and his stomach clench up with this terrible, unavoidable ache that renders him unable to catch his breath.
It's not like he decided to fall in love with Chanyeol. It's just that, in one moment, he exhaled, and then he inescapably was.
It's not as if he's planning on saying anything, or doing anything about it. He just lets the feeling simmer inside of him; a low, sickening almost-boil that never quite bubbles over.
Wu Fan is not the type to bubble over.
Chanyeol doesn't like boys, anyway. Chanyeol likes girls. Pretty, dainty, tiny girls with slender hands and painted eyes and soft dark hair. With round thighs and tiny waists and all these things that Wu Fan will never have. Never wanted to have.
Chanyeol likes girls who look like Baekhyun, Wu Fan thinks, when he sees Chanyeol's hand wrap protectively around Baekhyun's forearm, long thick fingers looking so large compared to Baekhyun's small bones.
Wu Fan's own hands are even larger than Chanyeol's.
But Baekhyun, for all his impeccable eyeliner and perfect teeth and teasing motions, will never be a girl, either.
Wu Fan finds him tightlipped in the bathroom, slender fingers gripping the edge of the counter, long rounded nails white at the ends of the beds, staring at himself in the mirror with an empty look in his eyes.
"Chanyeol doesn't like boys," Baekhyun says. His voice echoes against the walls, and something inside of Wu Fan shudders and breaks with it. "I knew that, but I thought he might like me." Baekhyun closes his eyes. Wu Fan can see the downturned corners of Baekhyun's lips, uneven top lip still shiny with gloss.
"You're a boy," Wu Fan says, and his voice is cold and serious, even though he can taste empathy on the back of his tongue like lemons. It burns.
"So are you," Baekhyun says, and he opens his eyes, meeting Wu Fan's gaze in the mirror, eyes dark and knowing.
"Yeah," Wu Fan says, and he tries to swallow but his throat is closed and dry. "We've got to go."
"I'll be there in a minute," Baekhyun says. "You don't get rejected every day, you know?"
"Yeah," Wu Fan says again, and he leaves Baekhyun alone.
He's less surprised than he should be when Baekhyun corners him that night in EXO-M's living room. Everyone else has gone to bed, and Baekhyun should be at his own dorm, asleep in the room he shares with Chanyeol.
"I can't sleep there," Baekhyun says. "Not tonight." Baekhyun licks his lower lip, and Wu Fan watches the gesture with strangely mesmerized eyes. "Tomorrow, it'll be okay," Baekhyun says, "but not tonight."
Wu Fan doesn't reply, just scoots over to make room. Baekhyun sits next to him on the couch, his thigh pressed tightly agains Wu Fan's, and Wu Fan can feel nothing but the heat of Baekhyun as they sit, unspeaking.
"I understand," Wu Fan says, eventually. "Perfectly."
Wu Fan knows what it's like to look at Chanyeol and want to get closer. He knows what it's like to link fingers with Chanyeol and feel the calluses on his fingers and the softness of his palm and wish it meant more than it does. He knows what it's like to bear the brunt of Chanyeol's smile and feel your heart break because he smiles at everyone else just like that, too.
"I know," Baekhyun says, and they look at each other. The only light in the room is the television, playing the news, and Wu Fan can see the glitter of headlines reflected in Baekhyun's eyes.
He's prettier like this, Wu Fan thinks. Without all the BB Cream hiding the imperfections of his skin that aren't really imperfections at all.
Baekhyun's lips part, and he takes a slow, even inhale. "Wu Fan," he says, and there's something dangerous in his voice that Wu Fan doesn't quite comprehend. "Can I-"
"Can you what?" Wu Fan starts to ask, but then Baekhyun's lips are sliding over his own, slightly dry and very warm.
Baekhyun tastes like mint and coffee, and definitely nothing like girl. Wu Fan's kissed girls and it was nothing like this. Baekhyun kisses like he's trying to take; lips pulling on Wu Fan's, and tongue slipping out to glide easily along Wu Fan's lower lip, teeth lightly biting down on the upper. Wu Fan hisses and tries to pull back, but Baekhyun follows him, chases him, and Wu Fan finds himself pressed up against the back of the couch with Baekhyun straddling him. Wu Fan's hands are somehow resting on Baekhyun's thighs, and Baekhyun's hands are in Wu Fan's messy, bleached out hair, and Wu Fan's not sure what's happening.
He manages to pull away, enough that he can speak but not enough that when he does his lips don't ghost across Baekhyun's. His mouth tingles and he can feel the wetness of Baekhyun's saliva at the corner of his mouth, and his eyes flicker down and catch a glimpse of Baekhyun's swollen lips and he wonders if his look the same.
"Why are you doing this?" Wu Fan asks, and it comes out as a croak, the way it does in the morning sometimes when Chanyeol walks by him and drops a friendly hand on his hip in greeting.
"Because he'll never want to kiss you," Baekhyun says, lips grazing Wu Fan's jaw. "He'll never, ever want to kiss you." Wu Fan's breath hitches, and his fingers tighten on Baekhyun's thighs, digging in through the soft material of Baekhyun's pajama pants. "But I will." Baekhyun frees his fingers from Wu Fan's hair, drags them down. He doesn't move back. His whisper is hot against Wu Fan's still spit-slick lips.
"He'll never want to kiss you, either," Wu Fan chokes out in reply, distracted by the way Baekhyun's fingers brush the skin of his neck, so light it almost tickles.
"I know," Baekhyun says, and then he chuckles. "Don't you want to kiss someone who understands?"
"No," Wu Fan says, but Baekhyun kisses him again anyway. This time Baekhyun's tongue slips its way inside his mouth, licking at his cheeks and his teeth, and Wu Fan just tries to keep up; finds himself kissing back. Baekhyun's fingers, those long, thin fingers that are nothing like Chanyeol's, slide down his arms and push up under the hem of his shirt, teasing bare skin. Wu Fan groans, quietly, restrained, at the touch, and Baekhyun stills for a moment at the sound before he continues, hands finding their way up to Wu Fan's nipples.
Wu Fan wonders if Baekhyun is thinking about how noisy Chanyeol is. How Chanyeol would have moaned loudly at the glide of Baekhyun's fingers along his belly. How Chanyeol's thick lips would have pressed back more eagerly, more hungrily than Wu Fan's had. How Chanyeol would have-
Baekhyun's mouth finds his clavicles, sucking and leaving marks, and Wu Fan lets him; he knows he shouldn't, because neither of them are what the other wants, but he does let him, because Baekhyun's mouth feels nice and Wu Fan hasn't felt nice for a long time.
He slides his hands up, palms pressing along the lines of Baekhyun's vertebrae, and tries not to think about how Baekhyun is so much smaller, in his arms, than Chanyeol would be.
Wu Fan's not sure how they go from kissing to this; Wu Fan's trousers discarded next to the sofa as Baekhyun's lips close around his erection, hands digging into the sofa cushion so that he doesn't pull too hard at Baekhyun's hair like he wants to. Chanyeol would never be that careful, Wu Fan thinks, but he can't be Chanyeol for Baekhyun. Baekhyun can never be Chanyeol for Wu Fan, either.
But Baekhyun can be Baekhyun, and Wu Fan concentrates on the mole on Baekhyun's upper lip and the way his left eyebrow quirks as he concentrates, and that's... it's enough, and Wu Fan feels a tightening in his balls just as Baekhyun pulls away. "Not like this," Baekhyun says, and Wu Fan groans, stifling the sound, and Baekhyun looks up at him, eyes looking too round and too young and too sad, and Wu Fan closes his own eyes to escape them.
When Baekhyun slips a finger into him, slick with spit, Wu Fan gasps; tries to pull away, but Baekhyun follows him, presses in deeper, and Chanyeol's fingers are thick and unwieldy and wouldn't feel anything like this.
"Let me," Baekhyun says. "Let me forget." His voice is hoarse and rough, and yet still so sweet. It's not like when Baekhyun sings on stage. It's not dulcet or pretty or anything like that. It's broken, Wu Fan thinks; jagged and sharp enough to cut, but Wu Fan's already bleeding so that's all right.
Baekhyun fucks him with three too-dry fingers that curl and wriggle and tease until Wu Fan comes, shaking and trembling and shattering into a million pieces, and he doesn't bother to put himself back together as he pulls Baekhyun down on top of him and kisses him sloppily, hand pushing down into Baekhyun's pajamas and wrapping around Baekhyun's dick, stroking him until he follows, spilling all over Wu Fan's shirt and bare thighs.
Chanyeol would be too big to lie on top of Wu Fan like this. Chanyeol would be too warm. Chanyeol wouldn't be content to lie still, anyway. He'd wiggle and laugh and push on Wu Fan until Wu Fan fell off the couch and glared at him indignantly and...
But Baekhyun just stretches out, fitting into the curve of Wu Fan's side like a puzzle piece. Wu Fan's never cared much for puzzles.
Baekhyun bites down on his lower lip and looks up through his lashes into Wu Fan's eyes. "He'll never want to kiss you," Baekhyun says, like he's trying to twist the knife. Wu Fan's not sure who it hurts more.
"He'll never want to kiss you, either," Wu Fan replies, and Baekhyun's eyes are glassy, or maybe it's just that Wu Fan's eyes are so wet he just thinks they are.
The TV is the only noise in the room.
"I'm glad," Chanyeol says later, "that Baekhyun has you. That you guys are happy together."
Wu Fan's hands tighten into fists. "Yeah," he says, and tries not to think about the way Baekhyun's cheeks taste like salt as he fucks Wu Fan into the mattress at night, hips moving quick, and saying nothing at all.
"I was worried," Chanyeol says. "Because before..."
"I know," Wu Fan says. "Trust me. I know."
"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it," Chanyeol says. He waggles his eyebrows. "I don't want any details, anyway. I love you guys, but I'm not into that whole..."
"Yeah," Wu Fan says, and he meets Chanyeol's eyes.
Chanyeol smiles at Wu Fan, then; wide and innocent and beautiful. It's the same way he smiles at everyone else, and Wu Fan's heart breaks all over again.
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