Technicolor (Pin, R or NC-17)
Jun. 7th, 2011 10:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maayacolabackupPairing: Pin
Rating: NC-17, I suppose
Summary: Tomohisa is living in shades of gray.
TECHINCOLOR
Tomohisa spends a lot of his life in a haze. Things seem to wash by him day in and day out in a monotonous shade of gray, as he goes through the motions of life, surviving on too little sleep and too little food.
Tomohisa’s apartment is white. White walls, white sofa, white bed, white kitchen. Ryo once compared it to a mental institution, but Tomohisa doesn’t mind it. He doesn’t really see color, hasn’t seen it in a long time, not since he had to numb himself to life just to get through the day. He remembers what it was like to see colors, remembers how he got his nickname, but he’s not that person anymore.
The only time he feels like he could be that person again is when he’s with Jin. Jin probably sees all the colors the world has to offer, as he is so full of energy and light. Even when he is lethargic, Tomohisa can feel the tingle of energy beneath Jin’s skin, the pulse of life that courses through his veins in a way it hasn’t in Tomohisa in years.
Sometimes Jin looks at Tomohisa, stares at him for minutes, something dark and unfathomable in his eyes, but he always looks away before Tomohisa has the courage to ask.
***
It’s a rare day off, and they’re all playing board games at Ryo’s apartment, while Ryo shuffles back and forth with sodas and drinks.
“Yamapi, hello?” Jin asks, and the tone of his voice indicates this isn’t the first time he’s tried to get Tomohisa’s attention. “Earth to Yamapi, are you there?”
“I’m here, sorry, I’m just a little sleepy,” Tomohisa replies. He really tries, but it’s hard for him to focus most days on anything that’s not choreography or work. He really wants to experience life but there’s a wall of smoke that obscures it from view, and he can’t seem to pierce it, even when he tries.
Jin is looking at him softly, and worriedly. “Pick a game piece, Pi.” There is a pink one and a black one sitting on the table. The pink one looks gray to him, so he picks the strong, fierce looking black piece.
The others are a little quiet, until Ryo comes in with nachos, and Shirota cheers and steals some off the plate before Ryo even sets it down, causing Ryo to hiss with displeasure but secret glee that his snacks are being enjoyed. Kusano guffaws into his Pepsi and picks up the dice, and the moment is broken. But Tomohisa feels Jin’s fingertips ghost over his shoulder, and there’s that look in Jin’s eyes, like he understands that Tomohisa is living in black and white, and wants to fix it.
***
“Why are you so zoned out all the time?” Jin asks one day. It’s not accusing, just curious, so Tomohisa thinks about how to answer.
“Everything is gray to me. Has been for a while,” he says, before humming tunelessly as he scribbles autographs onto note cards for some promotional event. Jin is tuning his guitar, calloused hands toying with the pegs in an effort to produce perfect sounds. He frowns at his C string, before looking up.
“What do you mean?” Jin asks, and Tomohisa struggles to look at Jin. For some reason, his eyes won’t focus on him, so he looks at the guitar instead.
“There’s this…smoke,” he tries, but knows it’s not enough.
“Why won’t you look at me?” Jin questions, and there’s something intense in his voice, and Tomohisa is still struggling to figure out what it is.
“I try to, but it’s so hard,” Tomohisa says, and catches Jin’s eyes for a moment, and they are full of…something, and Jin makes a low sound in his throat and lets it drop. His fingertips flicker green for a fraction of a second, but Tomohisa thinks he must be imagining things. Still, his heart skips a beat.
***
Sometimes Tomohisa stares at Jin’s throat, wondering how it produces such wonderful sound. He thinks he might be obsessed with the smooth skin there. He can’t look away sometimes, and it’s the only thing about Jin he can look at and see clearly, through the haze.
Sometimes Jin looks at him, too, and he can feel the weight of Jin’s stare on his back.
“Why won’t you look at me?” Jin says, plaintive.
“It’s too hard,” Tomohisa replies, and he doesn’t really know what he’s afraid of, only that the world is so gray and he doesn’t know what he’ll do if Jin is gray too.
He looks into his eyes for a moment and it’s still there, that thing he doesn’t understand.
Jin’s arm brushes against his own as he sits next to him on the couch in Jin’s apartment. Jin is hot, and Tomohisa knows, somehow, that he will burn up from this someday. “Is everything still gray?” he asks.
“Yeah,” Tomohisa replies.
Jin leans his head on his shoulder, and Tomohisa, for the briefest moment, sees a flicker of gold.
***
There’s that something in Jin’s eyes that Tomohisa has seen before, but he doesn’t understand it. “Pi,” he says anxiously, and Tomohisa wants, more than anything, to soothe him, to make the red little sparks stop buzzing around Jin’s head, like they always do when he’s upset. “Pi, don’t you get it?”
“Sorry,” Tomohisa says, because he is. “I don’t…understand.”
Jin bites his lip, roughly chewing it between his teeth, and Tomohisa can see him struggling to make a decision. “It’s not obvious?” Jin finally asks, and his voice pleads with Tomohisa to see what he’s been trying to say for, Tomohisa suddenly realizes, months now. “I know it’s hard for you, to see me sometimes. To see anything. But look at me. Look at me.”
Tomohisa narrows his eyes, focusing in on the smooth curve of Jin’s jaw, and the gentle fall of his hair across the perfect planes of his cheeks. He sees calloused hands with short trimmed nails splayed across shifting thighs, and eyebrows furrowed above restless eyes. He sees the mole next to Jin’s right eye, a perfect imperfection, and the divine bow to his lips. Then Tomohisa’s eyes meet Jin’s, and in Jin’s eyes are filled with all kinds of things, and those things all slam into Tomohisa hard, making it impossible to breathe or look away. “Oh,” he says, and Jin smiles, and it’s purple purple purple, and then Jin is kissing him.
Jin’s lips aren’t soft, but they’re warm, and the chapped skin is coaxing and soothing against Tomohisa’s own smooth lips. Jin’s mouth is sweet, like red bean, and Tomohisa wants to taste every inch of it. Jin doesn’t protest when Tomohisa tangles his hands into his wild, fluffy hair and drags him closer, pulling Jin onto his lap. Tomohisa has never felt a need so strong to be close before, and as he closes his eyes to Jin’s soft, low moans, he sees flashes of green and gold behind his eyelids. "Jin,” he groans helplessly, because he doesn’t understand what’s happening but he doesn’t want it to stop.
“It’s okay”, Jin whispers, his breath hot on Tomohisa’s lips. “It’s just me.” Tomohisa can feel his smile, and it only makes the fire in Tomohisa’s belly burn brighter and higher. He feels like he’s choking on the smoke as he’s burning up from the inside, but it’s the first thing he’s felt in so long and he doesn’t want it to stop.
His hands clamor for more of Jin, searching out skin, scurrying up inside of Jin’s t-shirt and laying his palms flat to Jin’s ribcage. Jin gasps at the contact. “You’re hands are cold, Pi, ” Jin says, before claiming Tomohisa’s mouth in another fierce kiss. Jin’s hands are pulling and tugging at Tomohisa’s sweatshirt, and Tomohisa’s arms willingly lift up, so that Jin can break away briefly and pull the sweatshirt over his head. Tomohisa shivers at the cold, before Jin returns to him, bringing with him that unfathomable heat. Jin’s whole body is glowing gold in Tomohisa’s eyes, and he can’t bear to look anymore, because it hurts, and Jin is so bright. So Tomohisa closes his eyes as Jin’s lips fasten on to his nipple, and he gasps at the wave of sensation that courses through him.
“Yamapi,” Jin says, and Tomohisa slits his eyes open to look at Jin, who is still golden and glowing. “Look at me,” and then Jin reaches into his sweatpants, pulls out his cock, and puts it into his mouth. Tomohisa in unprepared for just how amazing the sight of Jin, on his knees with Tomohisa’s cock in his mouth, truly is. He feels like, after all this time in grayscale, he can see a glimpse of the magic other people see on a daily basis. There are swirls of orange in Jin’s eyes now, as they lock on to Tomohisa’s own, and Tomohisa can feel arousal and pleasure clawing at his gut and making him focus. He’s never been so focused on anything in his life as he is on Jin in this moment.
“Jin, you’re beautiful,” he says, because Jin, golden and orange and purple, like the sunset, is the most beautiful thing Tomohisa has ever seen. And he wants to see more. He pulls Jin up and presses his open mouth to his, his tongue twining and twisting around Jin’s in an effort to feel more and more and more. His hands are tugging and pulling at Jin’s jeans, urgently wanting to see more skin, to see what other colors Jin has hiding underneath his boring clothes, to see Jin’s bare flesh glowing and glittering under his questing fingertips. “Naked,” Tomohisa growls, and Jin laughs, and his laugh is a soft pink color, and Tomohisa can remember how much he loved that color as a child, when he still saw colors. He thinks he can remember why, if it’s the color of Jin’s laugh.
Jin removes his t-shirt efficiently, as if it’s an afterthought and not the fulfillment of Tomohisa’s strongest wish at the moment, which is to let his gaze feast upon Jin’s thin and smooth chest, followed by his tongue. Jin squeaks in surprise as Tomohisa drops to his knees and Tomohisa’s tongue slides across his belly button, and that sound is pink too, and Tomohisa could learn to love that sound as much as he loves the color.
His tongue laps cautiously at Jin’s erection, and Jin hisses. Tomohisa wants him to make the sound again, so he repeats the action, only this time Jin’s voice is a growl. “Stop teasing me,” he says, and Tomohisa takes the whole thing into his mouth and tastes. It tastes like Jin’s mouth, only darker and stronger, like a heady mixture of salty and sweet, and Tomohisa wants to taste more so he sucks, hard. Jin lets out a keening wail, sliding his fingers into Tomohisa’s hair and scratching too hard at his scalp. “Fuck me,” Jin says, and Tomohisa looks up at him, his lips still wrapped around Jin’s cock. “You look…so hot. Fuck me.” Jin’s fingers slip out of his hair, and he steps back, toward the sofa. Tomohisa whimpers at the loss, feeling cold. “Come on,” Jin says, and gestures for Tomohisa to follow him.
In the bedroom, Jin lies down on the bed, clutching a condom and lube nervously in his left hand while his right reaches out and laces fingers with Tomohisa. “Do you…know what to do?” he asks, and Tomohisa shakes his head in the negative. Jin laughs (pink pink pink) and puts a little lube onto Tomohisa’s fingers. “You have to open me up,” he instructs, and Tomohisa hesitantly slides a finger inside of Jin, and it so tight and so hot he thinks he might melt.
“Oh my God,” he says, and Jin laughs even as his face tenses. “Does it hurt?” Tomohisa asks him, genuinely curious.
“Just…feels weird,” Jin replies. “I’ve never done anything like this before.” Tomohisa nods, and Jin’s blushing, his face a delightful shade of red and Tomohisa basks in all the brilliant light Jin is exuding.
Jin’s face softens under the repeated assault of Tomohisa’s fingers on his prostate, until he is writhing and squirming beneath him, the most erotic sight Tomohisa has ever seen. “Jin, you’re so beautiful,” he says again, almost involuntarily, because it’s the truest thing he’s ever known.
“Fuck me,” Jin says, and his eyes are dark and intense.
Tomohisa slowly pushes inside him, treasuring every iota of feeling as he feels the shift and pull of Jin around him, eating him up inside and out.
Neither of them last long, panting and gasping in sensation. Jin comes first, under the tug of Tomohisa’s hand, which can’t seem to stray far from Jin’s cock, which fascinates him with it’s smooth skin so similar and different from Tomohisa’s own. As Jin spasms around him, Tomohisa feels himself falling into a dark oblivion after him, clutching Jin’s shoulders tightly and burying his face into Jin’s sweaty neck, groaning out the rest of his orgasm into salty, perspiring skin. “Jin,” he whispers in the afterglow.
Tomohisa is afraid to open his eyes, afraid that all the color will be gone along with the urgency and heat. But Jin’s legs twine with his own, and Tomohisa forces himself to look at Jin when Jin demands it of him. When he does, he gasps, and then smiles. “Your eyes are the color of chocolate,” Tomohisa whispers, and Jin gives him that unreadable look again, before he grins, wide as a child, and kisses Tomohisa over and over, well into the night.
"I was waiting for you to look at me," he says, in moments between.
When Tomohisa wakes up in the morning, Jin lays next to him, his hair splayed across the white pillows on his bed, sprawled wide across the white bed sheets and the white comforter. Tomohisa can’t help but grab Jin’s hand with his own, and bring it up to his lips to kiss it.
Because Jin is in full, glorious color, and Tomohisa can feel it sinking into his bones.
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no subject
Date: 2011-06-07 01:41 pm (UTC)♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Date: 2011-06-07 07:10 pm (UTC)So Beautifuuuuuuuuuuul ♥ ♥ ♥
Beautiful and touching^^ I cant say anything, this AWESOME!!! GREAT!!!
You're the best, Maia!!!
*Give you Big HUGS*
Re: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Date: 2011-06-08 05:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-07 01:56 pm (UTC)Jin probably sees all the colors the world has to offer, as he is so full of energy and light.
and it just got better from there.
i love everything about this fic, and you. <3
no subject
Date: 2011-06-08 05:02 am (UTC)And yeah, I've never written from Yamapi's point of view before, but I thought he might not call himself Yamapi.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-07 02:20 pm (UTC)you seemed to capture Pi's hopelessness and dreariness and how everything just tied together everytime he looked at jin - and the colors coming back...
i love you. gosh how many times have i said that already?! but its so true! <3
no subject
Date: 2011-06-08 05:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-07 03:45 pm (UTC)You using Tomohisa in it just makes it better.(It's so rare that people do.)
Jin being Tomo's color just to sweet.
*GIVES SUGAR COOKIES WITH RAINBOW SPRINKLES*
no subject
Date: 2011-06-08 05:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-07 03:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-08 05:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-07 04:34 pm (UTC)And the whole colours thing ç_ç
no subject
Date: 2011-06-08 05:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-08 05:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-07 09:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-08 05:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-08 01:41 am (UTC)loved it
thank you so much for sharing
no subject
Date: 2011-06-08 05:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-08 10:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-08 10:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-13 11:27 pm (UTC)I love the story.
You make a good job again.^^
I love to read your story's ^^
*hug*
Thanks for this brilliant work.^^
no subject
Date: 2011-06-16 04:07 am (UTC)