Roll With the Punches (Pin, R)

[maayacolabackup]

Title: Roll With the Punches (4/ 6)
Pin (Yamashita Tomohisa/ Akanishi Jin)
Rating: R, maaaaaybe NC-17
Genre: Romance, Bromance(JinxKame are really good friends), KAT-TUN love, and a little bit of angst
Summary: Jin accidentally outs himself on a live national broadcast. The consequences are more than anyone ever expected.
Thanks to: All the people who made me feel like maybe I could have a home in this fandom, too :D (9000+ words)

 

Part 4

Ryo calls them as they’re sitting on the sofa watching Jackie Chan films. Jin is sitting curled up in the armchair while Pi is lackadaisically sprawling across the entire sofa, long limbs thrown in every direction. “The time is upon us,” Ryo says solemnly as Jin answers his cell. 

 

“Dude, what?” Ryo is fucking crazy sometimes, so Jin had gotten used to double- checking what Ryo was actually saying versus the words he used.

 

“To reintroduce you to society, my dear man.” A chuckle across the line.

 

“Absolutely not,” Jin responded. “The last time I got drunk with you, I came out on national television. I have an interview tomorrow.”

 

“Well, now you’re out, so what have you got to lose, really?” Ryo responded, not so easily thwarted.

 

Jin considered. “They’ll be tons of paparazzi asking me questions wherever we go.”

 

“I know just the place; it’s out of the way and not in our usual hangout spots,” Ryo responded, and then wheedled just a little bit. “Come on Jin, you can’t stop living your life, dude. You’ve got to stand up, brush yourself off, and get piss drunk with me tonight.”

 

Jin supposed that made some twisted kind of sense, so he shrugged. Realizing belatedly that Ryo couldn’t see him, he said, “Talk to Pi,” and threw the phone at Yamapi’s face.

 

It thwacked him right in the forehead, and he glared at Jin while rubbing the spot with his fingers. Yamapi had long, thin fingers. Jin thought they were beautiful. “Yo, Ryo, what’s up?”

 

“Hmmm.” Yamapi said after about a minute of listening. “Yeah, okay. Good idea.”

 

There was frantic speech on the other end of the line, and then Yamapi chuckled and nodded to himself. “Okay, okay, see you at 9,” he laughed, and then hung up. He tossed Jin’s phone back at him, but thanks to Jin’s reflexes, Jin also got hit in the face.

 

“Payback’s a bitch,” Pi said, as he stood up. “I call first shower.”

***

‘A great place’ turned out to be Shirota Yuu’s apartment. Ryo picked them up at 9 on the dot, wearing some ridiculous outfit (“Are you off to see the wizard?” Yamapi asked, and Jin snickered and screeched “We represent the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild,” in his falsetto while Ryo swore at them, and made a few ‘came out of the closet on national television’ jokes at Jin’s expense) and ushered them quickly out the door of their apartment. Pi looked like sin, Jin thought, wearing nothing but a tight black tank top with a silver necklace and a pair of low-slung jeans that revealed his pelvic bones. Jin looked away quickly—thoughts like that were a trap he knew better than to fall into.

 

Yamapi slept on his shoulder in the car, lazily drawing circles onto Jin’s thigh like he always did during car rides. Ryo and Ueda were in the front seat, arguing over whether or not American pop music was negatively  influencing the sound of NewS. Jin was half-listening to their conversation (“Dude, the new single sounds JUST LIKE some of that new shit the Black Eyed Peas put out!” “Oh yeah, well your mom sounds just like Britney Spears when I fuck her into the mattress.” “Ryo, inappropriate!”) and half watching people on the streets in the glow of the streetlamps. Jin started when Yamapi touched his hair.

 

“You’ve got a stray piece,” he said, as he sleepily moved it out of Jin’s face and settled it elsewhere on Jin’s head. His movements were sleepy, and Jin gulped at the lazy seductiveness of everything Yamapi did. Yamapi closed his eyes again and went back to sleep.

 

Jin nudged him gently when they got to Yuu’s, and Yamapi’s eyelashes fluttered against Jin’s cheek as he awoke. “Wake up, sleepyhead,” Jin whispered, and Yamapi’s eyes smiled at him blearily. “Mommy, do I have to?”

 

Ryo rolled his eyes in the front seat. “Okay, lovebirds, I know Jin is gay and all now,  but you don’t have to act all gay.”

Yamapi raised his right hand and pointed at himself. “Straight,” he said.

 

Jin frowned at him. “I am not acting all gay, Pi and I are good friends, and we’ve always acted this way!” Ryo grinned. “Exactly. Allllllll gay.”

 

Yuu was already roaring drunk when he answered the door for them at 9:27 pm, and Ryo rolled his eyes again. “God, couldn’t wait, could you?” There was giggling coming from the living room. “Women?” Ryo questioned, perking up. “How many?”

 

“Six,” Yuu answered triumphantly.

 

“There are only 5 of us,” Ryo said, like he was talking to a third grader.

 

“Two for me,” Yuu whispered conspiratorially.

 

“In case you missed the memo,” Ueda said, “Jin doesn’t exactly like women.” Jin coughed warningly.

 

Yuu looked stumped for a minute, scratching his large nose in thought, before a grin stretched across his face. “THREE for me, then,” and he led them into the apartment. Jin slipped his worn sneakers off at the door, feeling awkward for the first time, though he had been to Yuu’s place countless times before.

 

Yamapi seemed to sense his uneasiness the way he always sensed things about Jin; he placed his hand lightly on Jin’s lower back and led him forward. Jin bumped his shoulder into Pi’s and shot him a grateful smile when he looked up. Yamapi returned his smile, but there was something strange and hesitant Jin had never seen before.

 

Jin quickly relaxed, and got into a deep conversation with one of the girls, Yumi, that started with eyeliner brands and then branched out into all manner of subjects, as he slowly sipped a Vodka Cranberry.  Ueda, too, had hit it off with one of the girls, but the rest were all crowded around Yuu, giggling about something or other. Ryo sat pouting while Yamapi laughed at him in the corner, complaining to Yamapi about the unfairness of it all. (“Jin doesn’t even like girls! This is just WRONG. And Ueda looks like Angelina Jolie, what’s he got that I don’t?!”) Yamapi, looking unaffected by the lack of female attention bestowed upon him, sympathetically nodded along with Ryo’s rant, and poured them both shot after shot of tequila.

 

Yumi smiled at him. “It’s been great talking with you, but I think I’m going to drag Ayaka,” she pointed to one of the girls with Yuu, “home now, before she ends up as part of an orgy.”

 

Jin laughed, and agreed. “Probably the best move. I had a great time talking to you too.”

 

“I think you’re boyfriend is jealous though,” she replied. “He’s been staring at us for the past half an hour, giving me the evil eye.” She gestured toward Yamapi. Jin really laughed then, although it burned a little in his chest.

 

“Oh, Pi? He’s not…he likes women. It’s just me that’s gay.”

 

She raised an eyebrow. “If you say so, honey.”

 

Jin wryly chuckled. “If only life were that simple, you know?” Both eyebrows went up this time.

 

“Ahh, it’s like that, huh?” She eyed Yamapi speculatively out of the corner of her eye. “Sometimes, it is that simple, though.” She grinned brightly then. “Well, I’m off to rescue Ayaka from the evils of group sex. Later, Jin.”

 

After Yumi and Ayaka had left, and Ryo had passed out under an end table, whispering about Pocari Sweat and porn, Yamapi wandered over to the couch where Jin was sitting, and stretched out along it, resting his head in Jin’s lap. Jin could smell the tequila on his breath, and being completely sober, Jin winced at how drunk Yamapi was in contrast.

 

Yamapi looked up at him with that strange, hesitant look again. “Jin, don’t talk to girls.”

 

“What?” Jin didn’t understand what Yamapi meant, at all. A lot of Jin’s friends were girls. Crystal and Boa, to name a couple. He talked to girls…all the time. Better than Pi, who slept with girls all the time. “What do you mean?”

 

Yamapi ignored him, instead reaching his hand up to stroke Jin’s eyebrow with his thumb, the rest of his hand cupping the side of Jin’s face. “You’re so pretty.” Jin couldn’t stop the blush that stole across his face. “What are…you doing?” Jin could feel his heartbeat accelerate, and he didn’t like it all. Drunk Yamapi was dangerous, and Jin didn’t want to…get any ideas, didn’t want his traitorous heart to beat so fast because of drunk Pi antics.

 

“Jin, I love you.” Yamapi said solemnly, pulling Jin’s face close to his own. Jin’s neck protested.

 

“Cut it out,” Jin snapped, anxious and angry.

 

“Jin, I want you,” Yamapi continued. Jin closed his eyes against this whole situation, trying to imagine it away.  “Jin,” Yamapi said, insistently. “Jin, kiss me.”

 

Jin shoved Yamapi’s head off his lap and stood up, completely tense. “You’re drunk, so I’ll forgive you this time,” Jin said, his voice terse. “But this isn’t a game, and you shouldn’t be trying to play with me. Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I’m not the same Jin as before. Don’t…say things like that to me that you don’t mean, because you can’t possibly understand how it feels—”A soft snore interrupted his tense speech, and Jin realized that Pi had passed out. Jin looked over at the tequila bottle on the end table, empty, and then at Ryo snoozing beneath it, and sighed. “Of course you’re passed out. I don’t even know why I give a shit.” Jin lifted Yamapi’s head, and sat himself back down, cradling Yamapi’s slumbering head on his thighs. “I’ll forgive you this time, cause you’re drunk,” Jin said again, as he leaned back and closed his eyes.

 

            He called Kamenashi early the next morning. He knew he’d be awake (“How do you get up at such an ungodly hour?” “Practice.” )

 

            “Jin?” Kame asked cautiously. “What’s wrong?”

 

            “Why does something have to be wrong?” Jin asked lightly.

 

            “Because it’s six am. Did someone die?”

 

            The whole story of the evening tumbled out of Jin’s lips, and Kamenashi listened quietly until he was finished. “You guys have always been really close. He probably just said what he thought in the moment.”

 

            “Yamapi is STRAIGHT, Kame. Straight. He has said so thousands of times, like it’s his bloody mantra or something.”

 

            Kame sighed. “You don’t have to be gay to want to kiss someone you love, Jin. He was drunk, and he wanted to kiss you in that moment. It doesn’t mean he wants to kiss you NOW, it means he wanted to, right then. Just let it go.”

 

            “How do I do that?” Jin sighed. “I’m going to tell you something, as my other best friend, and if you ever tell anyone else, I will play that video of you dancing on a stripper pole to 'Like a Virgin’ at your wedding. On repeat. DURING THE CHURCH CEREMONY.”

 

            Kame laughed. “Okay Jin, okay. Silence guaranteed.”

 

            Jin bit his lip in thought. “Do you know the first time I realized I might really be gay? I mean, for keeps, not just a phase. It’s when I was fifteen. I was sitting on the bed doing a math problem, and I looked over at Pi and he had fallen asleep. His shirt had ridden up and I could see a small flash of his stomach, and I wanted to touch it. I wanted to lick it. I realized, right then, that I had never been attracted to a woman as much as I was attracted to Pi in that moment."
 

            Kame was silent on the other end of the line now, all teasing gone from their conversation.
 

            “So to me,” Jin said slowly, “this isn’t something that can come up. I’ve had to wall off that part of my heart to protect it, and I’ll do whatever I can to keep that desire, that small flame of hope, from burning up the friendship that I have spent 10 years building. He’s my most important person, and I can’t…I can’t let anything mess that up, not even him.”

 

            “Jin,” Kame said, after a few moments. “How many secrets are buried behind that mask of yours? You act like a total idiot, but you’ve got a lot of…depth.”

 

            Kame admired people with depth. He’d said so numerous times. Jin supposed coming from Kame, that meant Kame respected the situation he was in, and how well Jin was dealing with it.

 

            “Just don’t get too stupid,” he said fondly, and hung up. Jin frowned.

 

            Maybe respect was the wrong word choice.

           

 

The next morning, Yamapi didn’t mention the incident, or anything besides a fuzzy recollection of splitting a bottle of tequila with Ryo. (“Dude what was I thinking?” Yamapi muttered into the toilet bowl.) Jin was torn between relief and anger. How could he do that? It wasn’t a game, and if it was, Jin was rapidly losing.

 

Jin left 3 aspirin and a glass of water on Yamapi’s side-table, right next to his cell phone.

 

Part 5