Steal My Heart (Pin, NC-17) [1/2]
Sep. 4th, 2011 08:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maayacolabackupTitle: Steal My Heart
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Pin
Summary: When Rina calls him one spring morning, at five in the AM, after four months of silence, Tomohisa doesn't hesitate to answer. ~12,000
Notes: for the prompt: "pin with a baby! Anyway you want it. No really, whatever you want," given to me by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ryogrande, and I basically stayed up all night having fun and sobbing forever. I hope she likes it.
When Rina calls him one spring morning, at five in the AM, after four months of silence, Tomohisa doesn't hesitate to answer.
"Rina?" he says quietly, into the phone, because Jin is asleep in the next room and Tomohisa doesn't want to wake him, because Jin crawled home from a recording session only a couple of hours ago. "Where are you?"
"Tomo, I made a mistake," Rina says, and Tomohisa is suddenly a lot more awake.
"Where are you? Are you safe?"
"Yeah, I'm safe," Rina replies, and then her breath hitches. "I need your help."
"Anything," Tomohisa says, and it's true, because Rina's his sister, even when they go for months without talking. Tomohisa's busy, but he's not too busy if Rina's in trouble.
"Anything?" Rina says with a bitter laugh. "You might want to wait and see what I'm going to ask of you."
***
His sister is standing at the door to his apartment, wearing a large hat and sunglasses despite the fact that it's ten at night and there's not a lick of sunlight. She's carrying her usual designer purse that matches her shoes, and her lipstick is perfectly applied. When she takes off the glasses, tucking them into her bag, her eye make-up is perfectly applied too. She doesn't look like a woman in crisis.
But there are little clues that something isn't right. Her nail polish is chipped, Tomohisa notices, and maybe under her eyes is a bit puffy, too, if he looks for it.
"Tomo," she says, and falls into his arms. He hugs her close, and her hair smells sweet and citrusy, like it's smelled for years, and it makes Tomohisa smile despite the situation.
"Rina," he says, and she pulls back and bends over to the car seat sitting on the ground next to her, lifting out the most unfathomably small human being Tomohisa has ever seen. She gingerly holds it out toward him, and Tomohisa only hesitates a second before he accepts it, his hands feeling impossibly large and strong.
Tomohisa takes the baby into his arms, feeling the warmth seep through the blanket, and looks down at the sweet little face that's half-obscured by a tiny hat. "How old is he?" Tomohisa whispers, and Rina shivers.
"Eight days old," she answers.
Tomohisa looks up sharply. "He's too young to be separated from his mother, Rina, he's way too young--"
"His name is Tetsuya," Rina chokes out, struggling not to cry as she steps back, away from Tomohisa and the baby. "He's a really good baby," she continues. "He hardly ever cries, and he's even-tempered."
She stops talking, just staring at the bundle in Tomohisa's grip. Tomohisa notices the tracks of mascara that now run down her cheeks, and his stomach clenches. "I'll take care of him," Tomohisa says.
"I know you will," Rina says. "It's just for now," she assures him. "Not forever, or anything. I just... I can't yet. I can't face our mom, and I finally got a part in a movie and no one wants to cast an unwed mother; this is Japan..." she rambles, and then catches herself. "It's just for now. Everyone will forgive you for having a baby," she says. "You're Yamashita Tomohisa."
Tomohisa nods, and the baby wiggles a little, nuzzling into his chest, and his mouth leaves a wet spot on Tomohisa's shirt. "I've got some stuff," Rina says. "Diapers, formula, a few outfits. It should last you a week or so." But Tomohisa isn't listening to her, not really. He's too busy falling in love.
***
It takes an anxious Tomohisa three hours to fall to sleep once Rina leaves, and it only happens once he's given up on it. He lays in his bed, wide awake, staring at the ceiling, the baby pressed into his side, sniffing noises emitting every once in a while when Tomohisa shifts on the bed.
He's such a quiet baby, Tomohisa thinks, and there's a fluttering in his heart that he's never felt before, and it's a little like his heart has been unraveled and wound around Testuya's small fingers, Tetsuya's perfect little toes, and the beginnings of what is going to be Tetsuya's smile.
When Tomohisa finally goes to the kitchen to make tea, he wraps Tetsuya in one of the impossibly tiny blankets Rina had left and sets him on the couch, where he can watch him as he heats the water. But Tetsuya doesn't stir, and when Tomohisa sits down at the kitchen table to drink his tea, somehow, he falls asleep.
He doesn't know what time it is, when he stirs, but he does know why he's stirring at all. Jin, smelling like aftershave and shampoo, is standing behind him, breathing creepily on his neck as he shakes Tomohisa's shoulder roughly. "Pi, wake up."
"No," Tomohisa says groggily, because his body is heavy with sleep, and his lids are fighting to stay closed.
"Yamashita Tomohisa, you wake the fuck up right now."
"Why?" Tomohisa asks plaintively, before everything comes crashing back to him, making him open his eyes. He's looking, now, at the wood of the kitchen table, his large arms blocking the light of day.
"Pi, I don't know if you've noticed, but there is a baby on our sofa."
Tomohisa groans. "I know," he says, refusing to lift his head up from the table, wishing he was still asleep. "That's Tetsuya."
"Okay," Jin says slowly, like Tomohisa is stupid. "Where did he come from? Where does he belong?"
"He belongs right where he is," Tomohisa says, giving up on slumber and stretching his arms above his head to get the kinks out of his back. The light hurts his eyes.
Jin looks from Tomohisa, out to the baby, nestled in his blanket on the sofa, and smiles, a little. "Really, now?"
Tomohisa watches his roommate warily as he bounds over to the couch, squatting down until he's eye-level with Tetsuya. He starts to gently poke into the blankets, and Tomohisa quickly follows him into the living room to watch, or guard, maybe; he's not sure yet.
Testuya stirs under Jin's prodding, and his mouth gapes wide in a full yawn. His small tongue sticks out just a little as he hiccups, and Tomohisa falls in love all over again.
"Whose baby is he, Pi?" Jin asks, enchantedly touching Tetsuya's tiny cheek with his finger, and smiling as the baby giggles and coos.
"Well...He's mine," Tomohisa says, and when he says it, aloud, it starts to feel true.
He looks down at the little boy, whose eyes, Rina's eyes, Tomohisa's eyes, look back, wide and curious and full of innocence, and he feels a sense of possession and love so strong he wants to gather that tiny baby in his arms and never let go.
"He's mine," he says again, and Jin rests a hand on his shoulder.
"I always wanted a baby," Jin tells him, and Tomohisa can't help but smile.
***
Jin saves his life.
Jin, somehow, knows exactly what to do with a baby. How to hold a baby, how to feed a baby. And he's infatuated with Tetsuya, maybe as much as Tomohisa himself is, although Tomohisa's hard pressed to think that's even possible.
Jin's mom comes over, too, and she doesn't question Tomohisa at all over where the baby came from, or how he plans to be a world famous pop-star and have a baby. She just helps them childproof their home, and Tomohisa thinks she takes a vicious pleasure in pouring Jin's import beers down the sink, with the warning that no one should be drinking in the apartment around a baby that young. Jin pouts, but he doesn't protest, and maybe that's what pleases his mother the most, because she watches when Jin is sliding soft periwinkle socks onto Tetsuya's feet, a smile growing and spreading across her face as Jin tickles Tetsuya's belly and whispers secrets to him that neither she or Tomohisa can hear. Tomohisa thinks the same smile might be spreading across his own face, too, because Jin is so gentle, and he looks so beautiful when he smiles just like that.
Tomohisa didn't expect Jin to be this good with the baby. He's not sure what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn't Jin playing the TV at half the usual volume so as not to scare the baby, and it certainly wasn't Jin running baths in the sink, and then carefully washing Tetsuya with a sponge because Tetsuya is still too small and fragile for the tub yet.
It wasn't Jin cradling Tetsuya in his arms and falling asleep on the couch either, both of them breathing in time, Tetsuya's small frame moving up and down with Jin's chest. When Tomohisa comes back from the convenience store to that sight, he just stands in the hallway and watches, because the scene is so unbelievably perfect. Tetsuya's little fists gently clutch two of Jin's fingers, and Jin's head is rested up on the arm of the sofa, as if he had fallen asleep watching the baby.
And Tomohisa keeps waiting to freak out, or to panic, but he doesn't. He thinks maybe he should, because he's a single guy with a busy career that he can only dodge for so long, and now he has a baby, and no idea what he's supposed to do with it.
"I should be more afraid," he says to Jin one day. "I should be so much more afraid."
"Why?" Jin asks him, as he changes Tetsuya's diaper, making silly faces at the baby and blowing raspberries into his soft belly skin. "We're totally old enough to have kids."
Tomohisa swallows. "I didn't have a very good dad," Tomohisa tells him. "So I don't really know how to be one."
Jin looks up at him with a serious face. "Then we'll learn together." Jin's expression is soft. "Just like we figured out everything else, right, Pi?"
Somehow, everything is okay. Because he has Tetsuya, who has stolen a piece of his heart, and because he has Jin, who, if Tomohisa is honest with himself, has had the rest of Tomohisa's heart for a long time now.
***
"I have to take a hiatus," Tomohisa says, and Johnny, who is standing on the balcony with a cigar in his mouth, nods.
"I can see that. It won't be good for your reputation, you know. That you have a baby, and no one knows who the mother is. You should probably find that girl and marry her." Johnny takes a deep drag from his cigar, and Tomohisa flinches instinctually, because smoking is something that can't be done around the baby, and Tomohisa is hardly ever without the baby.
"That's...not possible, sir."
Johnny turns a gimlet eye on him. "I see," he says. "Well, if this is what you want, Yamapi."
Tomohisa thinks about Tetsuya's soft tuft of curls, barely covering the soft skin of his scalp, and the bright sparkle in Tetsuya's inquisitive eyes, and he can't imagine wanting anything different.
***
"I'm going on hiatus," Tomohisa says, and the room goes still. "I'm not sure, yet, how long."
"Um, what the fuck did you do?" Ryo asks, and while the others would never say it that way, you can see the sentiment echoed in their expressions. "What could you possibly do that would get you on hiatus?"
"I asked for the hiatus," Tomohisa answers, and Koyama steps forward and places a comforting hand on Tomohisa's shoulder.
"Is everything okay, Leader?" and then suddenly everyone is leaning closer. Tegoshi looks concerned, and Ryo's arms are crossed, and he's tapping his foot anxiously.
"Spit it out," Ryo snaps, and then looks sheepish with Shige narrows his eyes at him. "Sorry."
"I just...need to take some personal time," Tomohisa says, and he knows it's something he's never said before, because Tomohisa loves his job, and when NewS was on hiatus he had thought he was going to die of boredom, but... things have changed.
"An alien has replaced Leader," Massu chuckles and Ryo smiles crookedly.
"More likely," Ryo says, "is that a human being replaced Leader."
Tomohisa smiles back.
***
Tomohisa doesn't realize Jin is home until he looks up from his collection of teddy bear characters to Jin's broad smile.
"Jin!" Tomohisa says, and then he blushes, which makes Jin crack and burst into laughter.
"I want to know what happens next," Jin says. "What happens when Yamapi-bear and Jin-bear reach the magic castle?"
Tomohisa smiles sweetly at Jin, before he throws the Jin- bear under the sofa. "Unfortunately, the Jin- bear was killed in a tragic dragon-fire accident, and he was never seen again."
Jin scowls. "Your stories suck," Jin says, and Tomohisa laughs. "Don't be mean to me in front of Tetsuya, he'll learn bad habits." Jin falls to his knees next to Tomohisa, shoving him over so he can lean down into Tetsuya's chair and press a kiss to the little boy's forehead.
"He's too young to be learning anything like that," Tomohisa says in reply, and then he bumps Jin with his shoulder. Jin bumps him back.
"Babies start learning habits from a young age," Jin lectures. "We have to set a good example."
"Then maybe you should start combing your hair," Tomohisa says. "Otherwise my son will have animals living in his too."
"Hey now," Jin protests, but his voice is light, and Tomohisa runs a quick hand through Jin's mane in apology. Jin leans into the touch, his cheek pressing against Tomohisa's wrist. Tetsuya giggles unexpectedly, and Tomohisa remembers himself, dropping his hand from Jin's hair as they stop to look at the baby. Tetsuya's eyes are wide open, and now the resemblance is striking. "He looks so much like you," Jin says in awe, and Tomohisa traces the features of Tetsuya's face with his own gaze and finds he agrees.
It's not until later, when he's warming a bottle in a pot of boiling water, that he realizes he called Tetsuya his son.
***
When Tomohisa is seven years old, he comes running home from school, excited to show his mother his math test. She'll be proud of him, he knows, because Tomohisa is terrible at math, and he's managed, somehow, to get a B anyway. He opens the door and slips off his shoes, tearing through the house, to get to the kitchen, where his mom will be waiting with a glass of juice and a snack, he is sure, tiny Rina in her arms.
But when he gets to the kitchen, his mom cowers by the stove, Rina pulled tight to her chest as his father stands there with his hands clenched into tight white fists, and his face an alarming color of red. "Why can't you do anything right?" he hisses, and Tomohisa's mother takes another step back.
"I'm sorry," she says, and Tomohisa shivers. He tries to step back into the living room, but he bumps into the wall, and the tiny noise makes his father spin around, turning sharp, unforgiving eyes on Tomohisa.
"What's that?" he asks, and points to the paper Tomohisa has clenched in his hand. The math test. His father holds out his hand, and Tomohisa promptly hands him the paper, and the kitchen is completely silent.
The next thing Tomohisa realizes, he's on the floor, a handprints burning red on his face, his father looking down at him. "A 'B'?" he says, and his lip is curled in disdain. "Even my children are useless," he says. "You really just can't do anything right, can you?" he says to Tomohisa's mom.
Tomohisa doesn't really like to go home until his dad leaves, years later, just upping and leaving with no warning and leaving Tomohisa's family with nothing.
Tomohisa hates him.
Tomohisa doesn't want to be that kind of dad.
***
Tomohisa doesn't trust anyone alone with Tetsuya but Jin. His mom thinks this is weird, because she raised two children, and Jin hasn't raised any, but Tomohisa has seen how Jin is with Tetsuya, and he knows that if there's anyone that loves Tetsuya as much as he does, it's Jin.
He can't deny that seeing Jin with Tetsuya does something strange to his heart, makes it beat both faster and slower at the same time, like it wants to run away but it's frozen inside his chest.
One time, he comes home from the grocers to find Jin sitting with his guitar in his lap, Tetsuya sprawled out on the couch as Jin sings to him; soft, gentle lullabies that make Tetsuya's eyes grow heavy, and his mouth stretch with adorable yawns that make Tomohisa want to kiss his round cheeks and pull him close to his chest.
Tomohisa waits until he is sure Tetsuya is asleep before he sits down on the floor next to Jin, their arms touching shoulder to elbow, Jin leaning closer instinctually. "Hey," Jin whispers, and Tomohisa loves the way his voice sounds right now, pitched too low to wake the baby.
"Hey yourself," Tomohisa says, and Jin's mouth spreads into a glorious smile that's almost blinding. Sometimes Jin is so beautiful it hurts, Tomohisa thinks, and something of that feeling must show in his eyes, because Jin quickly turns away, sucking his lip into his mouth. Tomohisa blinks at him, and suddenly he feels tired, too. He yawns, and Jin chuckles low in his throat and strums the guitar.
"Hush little baby, don't say a word," Jin sings, and soon Tomohisa joins Tetsuya in slumber.
When he wakes up, his head is nestled in Jin's lap, and Jin is twisting his hair into knots. Tetsuya's big black eyes are open too, and he's staring at Tomohisa with what Tomohisa thinks is probably amusement. "Don't laugh at me," he croaks at Tetsuya, and his voice is hoarse with sleep. Tetsuya giggles, and Tomohisa turns to look up at Jin. Jin is staring down at him with this strange expression on his face, his mouth tight as he examines every feature of Tomohisa's face.
"Good morning?" Tomohisa says, trying to break the mood, and it half-works. Jin smiles at him, but his eyes are still mysterious, filled with that strange emotion Tomohisa can't identify.
"Have a good nap?" Jin asks, and Tomohisa quirks his lips.
"Best pillow in the house," he replies, and Jin reddens.
"Is that a fat joke?" Jin teases, snagging a cushion off the couch and hitting Tomohisa in the face with it. Tomohisa growls and flips him over, hitting Jin in the chest with the cushion ten times or so before Jin begs for mercy.
They're both breathing hard when Tomohisa climbs off of Jin and onto the sofa, lifting a squealing Tetsuya into his arms for a hug, before holding him in the air. "He looks like Simba," Jin jokes, and Tomohisa pulls Tetsuya back in to his chest, where Tetsuya nuzzles into his pecks. "Smart kid, went straight for the boobs."
Tomohisa glares at Jin crossly as he cuddles the warm, sleepy baby, and Jin laughs and curls up around both of them. His arm is hot against Tomohisa's back, the warmth bleeding thorugh the fabric and giving Tomohisa shivers. Jin's other arm wraps around front of Tomohisa and Tetsuya, his hand wrapping around Tetsuya's foot, fingers splaying Tetsuya's toes.
"He's so beautiful," Tomohisa says, looking at Tetsuya.
"Yes, he is," Jin agrees, but when Tomohisa looks up, Jin is looking at him.
***
Jin's dad is a man with a big smile, and even bigger hair. Jin comes by both of them honestly, of that there is no doubt.
When Tomohisa is sixteen, Jin mentions off-hand that he is thinking of rebuilding a car from the engine up. Tomohisa laughs at him, because Jin doesn't know anything about cars, and Jin is hardly the type to go pick up a book and teach himself.
But Jin's dad just smiles and winks at him, and on Jin's seventeenth birthday, his dad brings home this old wreck of a car with a nice body, and says "Let's fix it together."
Jin's dad spends hours with Jin in the garage, working on that car. Sometimes Tomohisa helps too, and Jin's dad patiently explains things and when Tomohisa gets it, he just ruffles his hair in a way that Tomohisa has been too old for since he was five and says "Good job." Jin's dad always has something kind to say, and always wants to talk to Jin, to listen to Jin, and sometimes he wants to listen to Tomohisa, too.
When the car is finished, Jin's dad hands Jin the keys, and Jin beams at him and tackles him in a giant hug and Tomohisa watches in amazement, and maybe jealousy, because it's something he'll never have.
Tomohisa wants to be a dad exactly like that.
***
Tomohisa is surprised to open the door and see Kame standing there, in a stiff designer blazer with tiny little skull patterns all down the lapels. He's got sunglasses obscuring his eyes, and a tiny smile pulls at the corners of his lips. "Akanishi texted me to tell me he had a baby. I didn't believe he could be that stupid, but curiosity overwhelmed me."
Tomohisa steps aside to allow Kame inside, swallowing as Kame slips off his shoes and enters the apartment. "Actually," Tomohisa says, and Kame stills as Tetsuya comes into view. Tomohisa has him in a bassinet in the center of the living room floor, and Kame reaches up and slides his sunglasses down his face.
"Oh my god, that's a real baby." Kame walks up to the bassinet, and stares inside, and Tomohisa feels this unreasonable urge to step between Kame and his baby. "I thought Jin meant, like, a puppy, or something."
Tomohisa swoops down into and lifts Tetsuya up into his arms, pulling him close and smelling the fresh scent of baby shampoo. "No, he's a real baby."
Kame looks impressed. "How'd he manage to knock some girl up?" Kame says, and Tomohisa sighs.
"Tetsuya is my baby," Tomohisa says, and Kame blinks, twice.
"Come again?"
"Tetsuya is my baby," Tomohisa repeats, and then folds the corner of Tetsuya's blanket down so Kame can see Tetsuya's perfect sleeping face. Kame's eyes trace the shape of Tetsuya's cupid's bow mouth with an incredulous stare.
"Wow," Kame says, finally, after a few moments of silence. "I always thought you were gay."
***
"Jin, you can't just go around telling people you have a baby." Tomohisa says, when Jin gets home that night. He's got his hands on his hips, because he means business.
"Why not?" Jin asks, as he picks Tetsuya up off the kitchen table, where Tomohisa has left him in his little chair. "I have a baby! I'm excited!"
"Well, firstly, I have a baby," Tomohisa says, and his stomach knots up when Jin's face falls.
"Oh, right," Jin says, and then he sets Tetsuya back down into the chair, hands gentle as he strokes the smooth skin of Tetsuya's face. "I know."
"I didn't mean you couldn't--" Tomohisa starts, but into just retreats into his room and shuts the door.
Tetsuya is fussy then, because after hearing Jin's voice, he wants to be near Jin, just like he always does when Jin comes home from working all day, loud and enthusiastic and cheerful. Tomohisa can relate-- he wants to be near Jin, too. Tetsuya is in a bad mood all the way until his bedtime, when Tomohisa kisses him on his smooth, soft forehead, and he finally quiets, his soft baby snores echoing in Tomohisa's bedroom.
But Tomohisa can't sleep, because he can't stop thinking about the melancholy look on Jin's face as he set Tetsuya back into his baby chair, or the way both he and Tetsuya had been miserable without him all night. He climbs out of bed before he really makes a conscious decision to do so, his feet finding their way into his soft pink slippers and his hand finding its way to Jin's doorknob before he can talk himself out of it.
Tomohisa doesn't knock, because he knows Jin will tell him to go away. Instead, he just turns the knob and steps inside. The lights are off, and Jin is nothing more than a lump on the bed, covers pulled all the way up over his head like he always does when he's sulking. Tomohisa sighs, and sits on the edge of the bed, leaning over and pushing his elbow into the lump, which groans and shifts away.
"Jin?" Tomohisa says, and when the lump doesn't respond, Tomohisa stretches out along-side it on the bed, folding his arms behind his head. "Fine, you don't have to talk. Just listen."
The Jin-lump doesn't respond, so Tomohisa bites his lip and looks up at the white ceiling of Jin's bedroom. "Tetsuya and I were sad today without you."
The sheets to his left crinkle and shift, and a tiny bit of Jin's face peeks out. "Really?"
"Well, he loves you," Tomohisa says, and he's rewarded with Jin's whole face. "I guess what I really should have said is that he's our baby, huh?"
"Probably," Jin sniffs, and then he pulls the sheets down to just below his chin. He's laying on his back, looking at the ceiling just like Tomohisa is. "I might have felt less like I was intruding, then."
"You'd never be intruding, Jin. God, I couldn't have..." Tomohisa turns onto his side, to face Jin. "I never could have done this without you."
"I'd never let you do it without me, anyway, dumbass," Jin says. "But I don't get why you were so upset I told Kame."
"Because he's ours," Tomohisa says. "And the more people you tell, the more likely someone will let something slip. And if the press finds out, they'll start doing research."
"Oh," Jin says, like it had never occurred to him that Tomohisa might be worried about something silly like people finding out. "Are you trying to protect Tetsuya's mom?"
"You could say that," Tomohisa responds, and then Jin suddenly flops to his side, too, so that he and Tomohisa are facing each other. "It would be really bad if anyone knew."
"I'm sure it wouldn't be so terrible. I can't imagine any girl who would be mad if the world knew you'd slept with her. Unless..." Jin raises and eyebrow and leans into Yamapi's personal space. "Is she married?"
"No, she's not married." Tomohisa sighs, and Jin is so close now that his exhale blows Jin's bangs away from his face, and Jin's eyelashes flutter. "It's complicated."
"It's not that complicated. You slept with a girl, and now you have a baby." Jin's hand finds it's way to Tomohisa's shirt, and his fingers toy absently with the hem as Jin smiles at him. "Did you miss the condoms lesson? Johnny was very thorough in his explanations, I thought."
"I'm gay," Tomohisa says, and Jin stills, the hand on the hem of Tomohisa's shirt falling down to the bed. Tomohisa doesn't flinch, or look away from Jin's gaze, because Jin isn't going to freak; this is just how he processes.
"Oh," Jin says, and then he goes back to fussing with Tomohisa's shirt. "Okay then."
"We're alright?" Tomohisa asks, just to be sure, even though Jin seems to have taken the news well.
"Of course. I'm just wondering why I didn't know that before," Jin replies, narrowing his eyes.
"It didn't really come up," Tomohisa says, and Jin frowns. "I mean, I'm not really trying to date for real."
"Then where did the mini-me come from?"
"Rina," Tomohisa answers, and Jin's eyes widen with surprise.
"Really?" Jin asks, and now his hand has abandoned Tomohisa's shirt and his fingers are drawing small, slow circles into the flesh at Tomohisa's waist. "Rina-chan had a baby?!" His voice is higher than usual, in contrast to the slow play of his fingertips on Tomohisa's skin.
"Yeah," Tomohisa says, and Jin's hand slides across Tomohisa's stomach.
Tomohisa tries not to feel every millimeter of skin that Jin slides past, tries to ignore the burn and the tingle of Jin's touch, but it's too hard to fight the flush that steals up his neck.
Then, suddenly, a long wail pierces the air, and Jin laughs and flops his arm across Tomohisa's abdomen. "Hey Pi, your baby is crying."
"Oh, suddenly he's my baby again, huh?" Tomohisa says, rolling over so he's straddling Jin. "I thought he was our baby? Huh?" He goes straight for Jin's sensitive collarbone with questing fingers, and Jin's shriek is just as high as Testuya's. Tomohisa leaves Jin gasping for air as he climbs out of Jin's bed to go and see to the baby.
As he's lifting Tetsuya out of his crib, Jin appears, hair mussed and shirt askew. "You didn't have to get up," Tomohisa says. "You have to be up at nine tomorrow right?"
Jin leans against Tomohisa, pressing his cheek into Tomohisa's shoulder. "He's our baby." With Tetsuya quieting in his arms, Tomohisa looks at the soft lines of Jin's relaxed face, eyes shut and lips turned up, and feels, for the first time in a long time, completely happy.
***
They've got a small extra room in the apartment, where Jin keeps his rollerblades and soccer cleats, and Tomohisa keeps his old workout gear. When Jin's mom says that Tetsuya needs to sleep in his own room, otherwise he'll never grow out of waking up in the middle of the night, Tomohisa and Jin spend the whole day cleaning it out. Tomohisa arranges for a special trash pick-up while Jin buys a bucket of paint, and somehow, after two long days, Tetsuya has his own room, painted gray and yellow and filled with all of his toys.
The first night he sleeps in there, he cries and cries, and Tomohisa wants to go get him so bad. But then Jin knocks on his door, and comes in without waiting for an answer, and climbs into bed with Tomohisa, their knees bumping in the dark.
"Is it hard for you too?" Jin asks, and Tomohisa chuckles and winds a piece of Jin's hair around his finger.
"Of course it is," he says, and with Jin there, he can finally relax.
***
Jin is shirtless on the balcony, smoking a cigarette, skin cast golden in the setting sun.
"Hey," Tomohisa says, stepping outside and letting the door swing shut behind them.
"Did you just get home?" Jin asks. "How was Tetsuya's doctor's appointment?"
"It went really well," Tomohisa replies. "The doctor said he's super healthy, and everything seems fine despite that little cold he had last week."
"That's good," Jin says, taking another drag from his cigarette. "You know I'm down to like, two of these a day?"
"How was work?" Tomohisa queries, and Jin shrugs.
"Work isn't really work, you know that. I had lot of fun today laying down a couple of tracks with this Korean producer. You know, for the Japanese album."
"Yeah," Tomohisa says, and then Jin leans forward, resting his elbows on the railing.
"Do you miss it?" Jin asks, and Tomohisa pauses to consider. He remembers the screaming fans, and the sold out shows, and the TV appearances, and the smiles on little girls' faces when he's scrawling his autograph across their notebooks. He also remembers the grueling hours, and the endless workouts at the gym, and not being able to close his eyes and just enjoy the moment. But most importantly, he remembers coming home to a sometimes empty apartment, Jin out partying because he didn't know Tomohisa would be coming home, and curling up into his covers and thinking it was cold, even in the summer.
"Sometimes," he says, and then he steps closer behind Jin. "But I wouldn't trade then for now."
Jin chuckles. "Tetsuya has certainly changed our lives, huh?"
Tomohisa looks at Jin's golden back, and thinks about the way Jin has just taken everything in stride, not balking at the edition of a baby to their already hectic lives. The muscles shift under the tanned skin, and Tomohisa feels so unbelievably grateful that it's Jin he's got in his corner; that he's always been able to count on Jin, ever since they were young and foolish and reckless.
Tomohisa wraps his arms around Jin's body, hugging him from behind. Jin tenses in his arms, stiffening for a moment before he relaxes, melting into the embrace. "Pi?" he asks, and his voice is a little breathless.
"Thank you," Tomohisa says, resting his chin on Jin's shoulder, and Jin doesn't ask what for. He just takes a deep breath, pressing warm skin back into Tomohisa's chest, and then exhales loudly.
"Of course," Jin says, like he thinks it's stupid for Tomohisa to even feel like he has to say anything at all. "Of course."
And beneath Tomohisa's arm, Jin's heart beats a little faster.
part 2
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Pin
Summary: When Rina calls him one spring morning, at five in the AM, after four months of silence, Tomohisa doesn't hesitate to answer. ~12,000
Notes: for the prompt: "pin with a baby! Anyway you want it. No really, whatever you want," given to me by
ryogrande, and I basically stayed up all night having fun and sobbing forever. I hope she likes it.When Rina calls him one spring morning, at five in the AM, after four months of silence, Tomohisa doesn't hesitate to answer.
"Rina?" he says quietly, into the phone, because Jin is asleep in the next room and Tomohisa doesn't want to wake him, because Jin crawled home from a recording session only a couple of hours ago. "Where are you?"
"Tomo, I made a mistake," Rina says, and Tomohisa is suddenly a lot more awake.
"Where are you? Are you safe?"
"Yeah, I'm safe," Rina replies, and then her breath hitches. "I need your help."
"Anything," Tomohisa says, and it's true, because Rina's his sister, even when they go for months without talking. Tomohisa's busy, but he's not too busy if Rina's in trouble.
"Anything?" Rina says with a bitter laugh. "You might want to wait and see what I'm going to ask of you."
***
His sister is standing at the door to his apartment, wearing a large hat and sunglasses despite the fact that it's ten at night and there's not a lick of sunlight. She's carrying her usual designer purse that matches her shoes, and her lipstick is perfectly applied. When she takes off the glasses, tucking them into her bag, her eye make-up is perfectly applied too. She doesn't look like a woman in crisis.
But there are little clues that something isn't right. Her nail polish is chipped, Tomohisa notices, and maybe under her eyes is a bit puffy, too, if he looks for it.
"Tomo," she says, and falls into his arms. He hugs her close, and her hair smells sweet and citrusy, like it's smelled for years, and it makes Tomohisa smile despite the situation.
"Rina," he says, and she pulls back and bends over to the car seat sitting on the ground next to her, lifting out the most unfathomably small human being Tomohisa has ever seen. She gingerly holds it out toward him, and Tomohisa only hesitates a second before he accepts it, his hands feeling impossibly large and strong.
Tomohisa takes the baby into his arms, feeling the warmth seep through the blanket, and looks down at the sweet little face that's half-obscured by a tiny hat. "How old is he?" Tomohisa whispers, and Rina shivers.
"Eight days old," she answers.
Tomohisa looks up sharply. "He's too young to be separated from his mother, Rina, he's way too young--"
"His name is Tetsuya," Rina chokes out, struggling not to cry as she steps back, away from Tomohisa and the baby. "He's a really good baby," she continues. "He hardly ever cries, and he's even-tempered."
She stops talking, just staring at the bundle in Tomohisa's grip. Tomohisa notices the tracks of mascara that now run down her cheeks, and his stomach clenches. "I'll take care of him," Tomohisa says.
"I know you will," Rina says. "It's just for now," she assures him. "Not forever, or anything. I just... I can't yet. I can't face our mom, and I finally got a part in a movie and no one wants to cast an unwed mother; this is Japan..." she rambles, and then catches herself. "It's just for now. Everyone will forgive you for having a baby," she says. "You're Yamashita Tomohisa."
Tomohisa nods, and the baby wiggles a little, nuzzling into his chest, and his mouth leaves a wet spot on Tomohisa's shirt. "I've got some stuff," Rina says. "Diapers, formula, a few outfits. It should last you a week or so." But Tomohisa isn't listening to her, not really. He's too busy falling in love.
***
It takes an anxious Tomohisa three hours to fall to sleep once Rina leaves, and it only happens once he's given up on it. He lays in his bed, wide awake, staring at the ceiling, the baby pressed into his side, sniffing noises emitting every once in a while when Tomohisa shifts on the bed.
He's such a quiet baby, Tomohisa thinks, and there's a fluttering in his heart that he's never felt before, and it's a little like his heart has been unraveled and wound around Testuya's small fingers, Tetsuya's perfect little toes, and the beginnings of what is going to be Tetsuya's smile.
When Tomohisa finally goes to the kitchen to make tea, he wraps Tetsuya in one of the impossibly tiny blankets Rina had left and sets him on the couch, where he can watch him as he heats the water. But Tetsuya doesn't stir, and when Tomohisa sits down at the kitchen table to drink his tea, somehow, he falls asleep.
He doesn't know what time it is, when he stirs, but he does know why he's stirring at all. Jin, smelling like aftershave and shampoo, is standing behind him, breathing creepily on his neck as he shakes Tomohisa's shoulder roughly. "Pi, wake up."
"No," Tomohisa says groggily, because his body is heavy with sleep, and his lids are fighting to stay closed.
"Yamashita Tomohisa, you wake the fuck up right now."
"Why?" Tomohisa asks plaintively, before everything comes crashing back to him, making him open his eyes. He's looking, now, at the wood of the kitchen table, his large arms blocking the light of day.
"Pi, I don't know if you've noticed, but there is a baby on our sofa."
Tomohisa groans. "I know," he says, refusing to lift his head up from the table, wishing he was still asleep. "That's Tetsuya."
"Okay," Jin says slowly, like Tomohisa is stupid. "Where did he come from? Where does he belong?"
"He belongs right where he is," Tomohisa says, giving up on slumber and stretching his arms above his head to get the kinks out of his back. The light hurts his eyes.
Jin looks from Tomohisa, out to the baby, nestled in his blanket on the sofa, and smiles, a little. "Really, now?"
Tomohisa watches his roommate warily as he bounds over to the couch, squatting down until he's eye-level with Tetsuya. He starts to gently poke into the blankets, and Tomohisa quickly follows him into the living room to watch, or guard, maybe; he's not sure yet.
Testuya stirs under Jin's prodding, and his mouth gapes wide in a full yawn. His small tongue sticks out just a little as he hiccups, and Tomohisa falls in love all over again.
"Whose baby is he, Pi?" Jin asks, enchantedly touching Tetsuya's tiny cheek with his finger, and smiling as the baby giggles and coos.
"Well...He's mine," Tomohisa says, and when he says it, aloud, it starts to feel true.
He looks down at the little boy, whose eyes, Rina's eyes, Tomohisa's eyes, look back, wide and curious and full of innocence, and he feels a sense of possession and love so strong he wants to gather that tiny baby in his arms and never let go.
"He's mine," he says again, and Jin rests a hand on his shoulder.
"I always wanted a baby," Jin tells him, and Tomohisa can't help but smile.
***
Jin saves his life.
Jin, somehow, knows exactly what to do with a baby. How to hold a baby, how to feed a baby. And he's infatuated with Tetsuya, maybe as much as Tomohisa himself is, although Tomohisa's hard pressed to think that's even possible.
Jin's mom comes over, too, and she doesn't question Tomohisa at all over where the baby came from, or how he plans to be a world famous pop-star and have a baby. She just helps them childproof their home, and Tomohisa thinks she takes a vicious pleasure in pouring Jin's import beers down the sink, with the warning that no one should be drinking in the apartment around a baby that young. Jin pouts, but he doesn't protest, and maybe that's what pleases his mother the most, because she watches when Jin is sliding soft periwinkle socks onto Tetsuya's feet, a smile growing and spreading across her face as Jin tickles Tetsuya's belly and whispers secrets to him that neither she or Tomohisa can hear. Tomohisa thinks the same smile might be spreading across his own face, too, because Jin is so gentle, and he looks so beautiful when he smiles just like that.
Tomohisa didn't expect Jin to be this good with the baby. He's not sure what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn't Jin playing the TV at half the usual volume so as not to scare the baby, and it certainly wasn't Jin running baths in the sink, and then carefully washing Tetsuya with a sponge because Tetsuya is still too small and fragile for the tub yet.
It wasn't Jin cradling Tetsuya in his arms and falling asleep on the couch either, both of them breathing in time, Tetsuya's small frame moving up and down with Jin's chest. When Tomohisa comes back from the convenience store to that sight, he just stands in the hallway and watches, because the scene is so unbelievably perfect. Tetsuya's little fists gently clutch two of Jin's fingers, and Jin's head is rested up on the arm of the sofa, as if he had fallen asleep watching the baby.
And Tomohisa keeps waiting to freak out, or to panic, but he doesn't. He thinks maybe he should, because he's a single guy with a busy career that he can only dodge for so long, and now he has a baby, and no idea what he's supposed to do with it.
"I should be more afraid," he says to Jin one day. "I should be so much more afraid."
"Why?" Jin asks him, as he changes Tetsuya's diaper, making silly faces at the baby and blowing raspberries into his soft belly skin. "We're totally old enough to have kids."
Tomohisa swallows. "I didn't have a very good dad," Tomohisa tells him. "So I don't really know how to be one."
Jin looks up at him with a serious face. "Then we'll learn together." Jin's expression is soft. "Just like we figured out everything else, right, Pi?"
Somehow, everything is okay. Because he has Tetsuya, who has stolen a piece of his heart, and because he has Jin, who, if Tomohisa is honest with himself, has had the rest of Tomohisa's heart for a long time now.
***
"I have to take a hiatus," Tomohisa says, and Johnny, who is standing on the balcony with a cigar in his mouth, nods.
"I can see that. It won't be good for your reputation, you know. That you have a baby, and no one knows who the mother is. You should probably find that girl and marry her." Johnny takes a deep drag from his cigar, and Tomohisa flinches instinctually, because smoking is something that can't be done around the baby, and Tomohisa is hardly ever without the baby.
"That's...not possible, sir."
Johnny turns a gimlet eye on him. "I see," he says. "Well, if this is what you want, Yamapi."
Tomohisa thinks about Tetsuya's soft tuft of curls, barely covering the soft skin of his scalp, and the bright sparkle in Tetsuya's inquisitive eyes, and he can't imagine wanting anything different.
***
"I'm going on hiatus," Tomohisa says, and the room goes still. "I'm not sure, yet, how long."
"Um, what the fuck did you do?" Ryo asks, and while the others would never say it that way, you can see the sentiment echoed in their expressions. "What could you possibly do that would get you on hiatus?"
"I asked for the hiatus," Tomohisa answers, and Koyama steps forward and places a comforting hand on Tomohisa's shoulder.
"Is everything okay, Leader?" and then suddenly everyone is leaning closer. Tegoshi looks concerned, and Ryo's arms are crossed, and he's tapping his foot anxiously.
"Spit it out," Ryo snaps, and then looks sheepish with Shige narrows his eyes at him. "Sorry."
"I just...need to take some personal time," Tomohisa says, and he knows it's something he's never said before, because Tomohisa loves his job, and when NewS was on hiatus he had thought he was going to die of boredom, but... things have changed.
"An alien has replaced Leader," Massu chuckles and Ryo smiles crookedly.
"More likely," Ryo says, "is that a human being replaced Leader."
Tomohisa smiles back.
***
Tomohisa doesn't realize Jin is home until he looks up from his collection of teddy bear characters to Jin's broad smile.
"Jin!" Tomohisa says, and then he blushes, which makes Jin crack and burst into laughter.
"I want to know what happens next," Jin says. "What happens when Yamapi-bear and Jin-bear reach the magic castle?"
Tomohisa smiles sweetly at Jin, before he throws the Jin- bear under the sofa. "Unfortunately, the Jin- bear was killed in a tragic dragon-fire accident, and he was never seen again."
Jin scowls. "Your stories suck," Jin says, and Tomohisa laughs. "Don't be mean to me in front of Tetsuya, he'll learn bad habits." Jin falls to his knees next to Tomohisa, shoving him over so he can lean down into Tetsuya's chair and press a kiss to the little boy's forehead.
"He's too young to be learning anything like that," Tomohisa says in reply, and then he bumps Jin with his shoulder. Jin bumps him back.
"Babies start learning habits from a young age," Jin lectures. "We have to set a good example."
"Then maybe you should start combing your hair," Tomohisa says. "Otherwise my son will have animals living in his too."
"Hey now," Jin protests, but his voice is light, and Tomohisa runs a quick hand through Jin's mane in apology. Jin leans into the touch, his cheek pressing against Tomohisa's wrist. Tetsuya giggles unexpectedly, and Tomohisa remembers himself, dropping his hand from Jin's hair as they stop to look at the baby. Tetsuya's eyes are wide open, and now the resemblance is striking. "He looks so much like you," Jin says in awe, and Tomohisa traces the features of Tetsuya's face with his own gaze and finds he agrees.
It's not until later, when he's warming a bottle in a pot of boiling water, that he realizes he called Tetsuya his son.
***
When Tomohisa is seven years old, he comes running home from school, excited to show his mother his math test. She'll be proud of him, he knows, because Tomohisa is terrible at math, and he's managed, somehow, to get a B anyway. He opens the door and slips off his shoes, tearing through the house, to get to the kitchen, where his mom will be waiting with a glass of juice and a snack, he is sure, tiny Rina in her arms.
But when he gets to the kitchen, his mom cowers by the stove, Rina pulled tight to her chest as his father stands there with his hands clenched into tight white fists, and his face an alarming color of red. "Why can't you do anything right?" he hisses, and Tomohisa's mother takes another step back.
"I'm sorry," she says, and Tomohisa shivers. He tries to step back into the living room, but he bumps into the wall, and the tiny noise makes his father spin around, turning sharp, unforgiving eyes on Tomohisa.
"What's that?" he asks, and points to the paper Tomohisa has clenched in his hand. The math test. His father holds out his hand, and Tomohisa promptly hands him the paper, and the kitchen is completely silent.
The next thing Tomohisa realizes, he's on the floor, a handprints burning red on his face, his father looking down at him. "A 'B'?" he says, and his lip is curled in disdain. "Even my children are useless," he says. "You really just can't do anything right, can you?" he says to Tomohisa's mom.
Tomohisa doesn't really like to go home until his dad leaves, years later, just upping and leaving with no warning and leaving Tomohisa's family with nothing.
Tomohisa hates him.
Tomohisa doesn't want to be that kind of dad.
***
Tomohisa doesn't trust anyone alone with Tetsuya but Jin. His mom thinks this is weird, because she raised two children, and Jin hasn't raised any, but Tomohisa has seen how Jin is with Tetsuya, and he knows that if there's anyone that loves Tetsuya as much as he does, it's Jin.
He can't deny that seeing Jin with Tetsuya does something strange to his heart, makes it beat both faster and slower at the same time, like it wants to run away but it's frozen inside his chest.
One time, he comes home from the grocers to find Jin sitting with his guitar in his lap, Tetsuya sprawled out on the couch as Jin sings to him; soft, gentle lullabies that make Tetsuya's eyes grow heavy, and his mouth stretch with adorable yawns that make Tomohisa want to kiss his round cheeks and pull him close to his chest.
Tomohisa waits until he is sure Tetsuya is asleep before he sits down on the floor next to Jin, their arms touching shoulder to elbow, Jin leaning closer instinctually. "Hey," Jin whispers, and Tomohisa loves the way his voice sounds right now, pitched too low to wake the baby.
"Hey yourself," Tomohisa says, and Jin's mouth spreads into a glorious smile that's almost blinding. Sometimes Jin is so beautiful it hurts, Tomohisa thinks, and something of that feeling must show in his eyes, because Jin quickly turns away, sucking his lip into his mouth. Tomohisa blinks at him, and suddenly he feels tired, too. He yawns, and Jin chuckles low in his throat and strums the guitar.
"Hush little baby, don't say a word," Jin sings, and soon Tomohisa joins Tetsuya in slumber.
When he wakes up, his head is nestled in Jin's lap, and Jin is twisting his hair into knots. Tetsuya's big black eyes are open too, and he's staring at Tomohisa with what Tomohisa thinks is probably amusement. "Don't laugh at me," he croaks at Tetsuya, and his voice is hoarse with sleep. Tetsuya giggles, and Tomohisa turns to look up at Jin. Jin is staring down at him with this strange expression on his face, his mouth tight as he examines every feature of Tomohisa's face.
"Good morning?" Tomohisa says, trying to break the mood, and it half-works. Jin smiles at him, but his eyes are still mysterious, filled with that strange emotion Tomohisa can't identify.
"Have a good nap?" Jin asks, and Tomohisa quirks his lips.
"Best pillow in the house," he replies, and Jin reddens.
"Is that a fat joke?" Jin teases, snagging a cushion off the couch and hitting Tomohisa in the face with it. Tomohisa growls and flips him over, hitting Jin in the chest with the cushion ten times or so before Jin begs for mercy.
They're both breathing hard when Tomohisa climbs off of Jin and onto the sofa, lifting a squealing Tetsuya into his arms for a hug, before holding him in the air. "He looks like Simba," Jin jokes, and Tomohisa pulls Tetsuya back in to his chest, where Tetsuya nuzzles into his pecks. "Smart kid, went straight for the boobs."
Tomohisa glares at Jin crossly as he cuddles the warm, sleepy baby, and Jin laughs and curls up around both of them. His arm is hot against Tomohisa's back, the warmth bleeding thorugh the fabric and giving Tomohisa shivers. Jin's other arm wraps around front of Tomohisa and Tetsuya, his hand wrapping around Tetsuya's foot, fingers splaying Tetsuya's toes.
"He's so beautiful," Tomohisa says, looking at Tetsuya.
"Yes, he is," Jin agrees, but when Tomohisa looks up, Jin is looking at him.
***
Jin's dad is a man with a big smile, and even bigger hair. Jin comes by both of them honestly, of that there is no doubt.
When Tomohisa is sixteen, Jin mentions off-hand that he is thinking of rebuilding a car from the engine up. Tomohisa laughs at him, because Jin doesn't know anything about cars, and Jin is hardly the type to go pick up a book and teach himself.
But Jin's dad just smiles and winks at him, and on Jin's seventeenth birthday, his dad brings home this old wreck of a car with a nice body, and says "Let's fix it together."
Jin's dad spends hours with Jin in the garage, working on that car. Sometimes Tomohisa helps too, and Jin's dad patiently explains things and when Tomohisa gets it, he just ruffles his hair in a way that Tomohisa has been too old for since he was five and says "Good job." Jin's dad always has something kind to say, and always wants to talk to Jin, to listen to Jin, and sometimes he wants to listen to Tomohisa, too.
When the car is finished, Jin's dad hands Jin the keys, and Jin beams at him and tackles him in a giant hug and Tomohisa watches in amazement, and maybe jealousy, because it's something he'll never have.
Tomohisa wants to be a dad exactly like that.
***
Tomohisa is surprised to open the door and see Kame standing there, in a stiff designer blazer with tiny little skull patterns all down the lapels. He's got sunglasses obscuring his eyes, and a tiny smile pulls at the corners of his lips. "Akanishi texted me to tell me he had a baby. I didn't believe he could be that stupid, but curiosity overwhelmed me."
Tomohisa steps aside to allow Kame inside, swallowing as Kame slips off his shoes and enters the apartment. "Actually," Tomohisa says, and Kame stills as Tetsuya comes into view. Tomohisa has him in a bassinet in the center of the living room floor, and Kame reaches up and slides his sunglasses down his face.
"Oh my god, that's a real baby." Kame walks up to the bassinet, and stares inside, and Tomohisa feels this unreasonable urge to step between Kame and his baby. "I thought Jin meant, like, a puppy, or something."
Tomohisa swoops down into and lifts Tetsuya up into his arms, pulling him close and smelling the fresh scent of baby shampoo. "No, he's a real baby."
Kame looks impressed. "How'd he manage to knock some girl up?" Kame says, and Tomohisa sighs.
"Tetsuya is my baby," Tomohisa says, and Kame blinks, twice.
"Come again?"
"Tetsuya is my baby," Tomohisa repeats, and then folds the corner of Tetsuya's blanket down so Kame can see Tetsuya's perfect sleeping face. Kame's eyes trace the shape of Tetsuya's cupid's bow mouth with an incredulous stare.
"Wow," Kame says, finally, after a few moments of silence. "I always thought you were gay."
***
"Jin, you can't just go around telling people you have a baby." Tomohisa says, when Jin gets home that night. He's got his hands on his hips, because he means business.
"Why not?" Jin asks, as he picks Tetsuya up off the kitchen table, where Tomohisa has left him in his little chair. "I have a baby! I'm excited!"
"Well, firstly, I have a baby," Tomohisa says, and his stomach knots up when Jin's face falls.
"Oh, right," Jin says, and then he sets Tetsuya back down into the chair, hands gentle as he strokes the smooth skin of Tetsuya's face. "I know."
"I didn't mean you couldn't--" Tomohisa starts, but into just retreats into his room and shuts the door.
Tetsuya is fussy then, because after hearing Jin's voice, he wants to be near Jin, just like he always does when Jin comes home from working all day, loud and enthusiastic and cheerful. Tomohisa can relate-- he wants to be near Jin, too. Tetsuya is in a bad mood all the way until his bedtime, when Tomohisa kisses him on his smooth, soft forehead, and he finally quiets, his soft baby snores echoing in Tomohisa's bedroom.
But Tomohisa can't sleep, because he can't stop thinking about the melancholy look on Jin's face as he set Tetsuya back into his baby chair, or the way both he and Tetsuya had been miserable without him all night. He climbs out of bed before he really makes a conscious decision to do so, his feet finding their way into his soft pink slippers and his hand finding its way to Jin's doorknob before he can talk himself out of it.
Tomohisa doesn't knock, because he knows Jin will tell him to go away. Instead, he just turns the knob and steps inside. The lights are off, and Jin is nothing more than a lump on the bed, covers pulled all the way up over his head like he always does when he's sulking. Tomohisa sighs, and sits on the edge of the bed, leaning over and pushing his elbow into the lump, which groans and shifts away.
"Jin?" Tomohisa says, and when the lump doesn't respond, Tomohisa stretches out along-side it on the bed, folding his arms behind his head. "Fine, you don't have to talk. Just listen."
The Jin-lump doesn't respond, so Tomohisa bites his lip and looks up at the white ceiling of Jin's bedroom. "Tetsuya and I were sad today without you."
The sheets to his left crinkle and shift, and a tiny bit of Jin's face peeks out. "Really?"
"Well, he loves you," Tomohisa says, and he's rewarded with Jin's whole face. "I guess what I really should have said is that he's our baby, huh?"
"Probably," Jin sniffs, and then he pulls the sheets down to just below his chin. He's laying on his back, looking at the ceiling just like Tomohisa is. "I might have felt less like I was intruding, then."
"You'd never be intruding, Jin. God, I couldn't have..." Tomohisa turns onto his side, to face Jin. "I never could have done this without you."
"I'd never let you do it without me, anyway, dumbass," Jin says. "But I don't get why you were so upset I told Kame."
"Because he's ours," Tomohisa says. "And the more people you tell, the more likely someone will let something slip. And if the press finds out, they'll start doing research."
"Oh," Jin says, like it had never occurred to him that Tomohisa might be worried about something silly like people finding out. "Are you trying to protect Tetsuya's mom?"
"You could say that," Tomohisa responds, and then Jin suddenly flops to his side, too, so that he and Tomohisa are facing each other. "It would be really bad if anyone knew."
"I'm sure it wouldn't be so terrible. I can't imagine any girl who would be mad if the world knew you'd slept with her. Unless..." Jin raises and eyebrow and leans into Yamapi's personal space. "Is she married?"
"No, she's not married." Tomohisa sighs, and Jin is so close now that his exhale blows Jin's bangs away from his face, and Jin's eyelashes flutter. "It's complicated."
"It's not that complicated. You slept with a girl, and now you have a baby." Jin's hand finds it's way to Tomohisa's shirt, and his fingers toy absently with the hem as Jin smiles at him. "Did you miss the condoms lesson? Johnny was very thorough in his explanations, I thought."
"I'm gay," Tomohisa says, and Jin stills, the hand on the hem of Tomohisa's shirt falling down to the bed. Tomohisa doesn't flinch, or look away from Jin's gaze, because Jin isn't going to freak; this is just how he processes.
"Oh," Jin says, and then he goes back to fussing with Tomohisa's shirt. "Okay then."
"We're alright?" Tomohisa asks, just to be sure, even though Jin seems to have taken the news well.
"Of course. I'm just wondering why I didn't know that before," Jin replies, narrowing his eyes.
"It didn't really come up," Tomohisa says, and Jin frowns. "I mean, I'm not really trying to date for real."
"Then where did the mini-me come from?"
"Rina," Tomohisa answers, and Jin's eyes widen with surprise.
"Really?" Jin asks, and now his hand has abandoned Tomohisa's shirt and his fingers are drawing small, slow circles into the flesh at Tomohisa's waist. "Rina-chan had a baby?!" His voice is higher than usual, in contrast to the slow play of his fingertips on Tomohisa's skin.
"Yeah," Tomohisa says, and Jin's hand slides across Tomohisa's stomach.
Tomohisa tries not to feel every millimeter of skin that Jin slides past, tries to ignore the burn and the tingle of Jin's touch, but it's too hard to fight the flush that steals up his neck.
Then, suddenly, a long wail pierces the air, and Jin laughs and flops his arm across Tomohisa's abdomen. "Hey Pi, your baby is crying."
"Oh, suddenly he's my baby again, huh?" Tomohisa says, rolling over so he's straddling Jin. "I thought he was our baby? Huh?" He goes straight for Jin's sensitive collarbone with questing fingers, and Jin's shriek is just as high as Testuya's. Tomohisa leaves Jin gasping for air as he climbs out of Jin's bed to go and see to the baby.
As he's lifting Tetsuya out of his crib, Jin appears, hair mussed and shirt askew. "You didn't have to get up," Tomohisa says. "You have to be up at nine tomorrow right?"
Jin leans against Tomohisa, pressing his cheek into Tomohisa's shoulder. "He's our baby." With Tetsuya quieting in his arms, Tomohisa looks at the soft lines of Jin's relaxed face, eyes shut and lips turned up, and feels, for the first time in a long time, completely happy.
***
They've got a small extra room in the apartment, where Jin keeps his rollerblades and soccer cleats, and Tomohisa keeps his old workout gear. When Jin's mom says that Tetsuya needs to sleep in his own room, otherwise he'll never grow out of waking up in the middle of the night, Tomohisa and Jin spend the whole day cleaning it out. Tomohisa arranges for a special trash pick-up while Jin buys a bucket of paint, and somehow, after two long days, Tetsuya has his own room, painted gray and yellow and filled with all of his toys.
The first night he sleeps in there, he cries and cries, and Tomohisa wants to go get him so bad. But then Jin knocks on his door, and comes in without waiting for an answer, and climbs into bed with Tomohisa, their knees bumping in the dark.
"Is it hard for you too?" Jin asks, and Tomohisa chuckles and winds a piece of Jin's hair around his finger.
"Of course it is," he says, and with Jin there, he can finally relax.
***
Jin is shirtless on the balcony, smoking a cigarette, skin cast golden in the setting sun.
"Hey," Tomohisa says, stepping outside and letting the door swing shut behind them.
"Did you just get home?" Jin asks. "How was Tetsuya's doctor's appointment?"
"It went really well," Tomohisa replies. "The doctor said he's super healthy, and everything seems fine despite that little cold he had last week."
"That's good," Jin says, taking another drag from his cigarette. "You know I'm down to like, two of these a day?"
"How was work?" Tomohisa queries, and Jin shrugs.
"Work isn't really work, you know that. I had lot of fun today laying down a couple of tracks with this Korean producer. You know, for the Japanese album."
"Yeah," Tomohisa says, and then Jin leans forward, resting his elbows on the railing.
"Do you miss it?" Jin asks, and Tomohisa pauses to consider. He remembers the screaming fans, and the sold out shows, and the TV appearances, and the smiles on little girls' faces when he's scrawling his autograph across their notebooks. He also remembers the grueling hours, and the endless workouts at the gym, and not being able to close his eyes and just enjoy the moment. But most importantly, he remembers coming home to a sometimes empty apartment, Jin out partying because he didn't know Tomohisa would be coming home, and curling up into his covers and thinking it was cold, even in the summer.
"Sometimes," he says, and then he steps closer behind Jin. "But I wouldn't trade then for now."
Jin chuckles. "Tetsuya has certainly changed our lives, huh?"
Tomohisa looks at Jin's golden back, and thinks about the way Jin has just taken everything in stride, not balking at the edition of a baby to their already hectic lives. The muscles shift under the tanned skin, and Tomohisa feels so unbelievably grateful that it's Jin he's got in his corner; that he's always been able to count on Jin, ever since they were young and foolish and reckless.
Tomohisa wraps his arms around Jin's body, hugging him from behind. Jin tenses in his arms, stiffening for a moment before he relaxes, melting into the embrace. "Pi?" he asks, and his voice is a little breathless.
"Thank you," Tomohisa says, resting his chin on Jin's shoulder, and Jin doesn't ask what for. He just takes a deep breath, pressing warm skin back into Tomohisa's chest, and then exhales loudly.
"Of course," Jin says, like he thinks it's stupid for Tomohisa to even feel like he has to say anything at all. "Of course."
And beneath Tomohisa's arm, Jin's heart beats a little faster.
part 2
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
i am a tool and commenting on both posts
Date: 2011-09-05 12:28 am (UTC)and Tomohisa only hesitates a second before he accepts it, his hands feeling impossibly large and strong.
BIG HANDS, TINY BABY. ;____________; IT'S ONLY LIKE THE THIRD BABY SENTENCE AND ALREADY MY OVARIES HAVE EXPLODED.
But Tomohisa isn't listening to her, not really. He's too busy falling in love.
;_______________________; I HOPE YOU ARE NOT EXPECTING COHERENT COMMENTARY HERE.
ofc jin would poke the baby. ofc.
"I always wanted a baby," Jin tells him, and Tomohisa can't help but smile.
my heeeeeeeeeart ♥
jin's mom is class and JIN, OMG JIN WITH THE BABY. *_*
"I didn't have a very good dad," Tomohisa tells him. "So I don't really know how to be one."
;_______________________________________;
"An alien has replaced Leader," Massu chuckles
snort. i love your massu.
"What happens when Yamapi-bear and Jin-bear reach the magic castle?"
oh my god i just made the most ridiculous noise.
"Then maybe you should start combing your hair," Tomohisa says. "Otherwise my son will have animals living in his too."
hahahahahaha
OMG YOU DIDN'T. YOU DID. YAMAPI'S DAD. WHY. MY HEART. MAIA. ;_________________;
He can't deny that seeing Jin with Tetsuya does something strange to his heart, makes it beat both faster and slower at the same time, like it wants to run away but it's frozen inside his chest.
k, this makes up for it. ♥ piiiiiiiiiiiiiiin ;_;
AND THEN JIN SINGS PI TO SLEEP TOO. LKSAJDLASKDJLASKDAS
"Best pillow in the house," he replies, and Jin reddens.
"Is that a fat joke?" Jin teases
ahahahaha FATJIN
asdkasl;das and they all cuddle together omg happy family YOU ARE GOING TO DO SOMETHING TO DESTROY THIS AREN'T YOU. I KNOW YOU. UGH.
O HALLO THAR KAME. HIS BITCHINESS HAS ARRIVED. 8D
"Wow," Kame says, finally, after a few moments of silence. "I always thought you were gay."
oh, maia. that laugh hurt. MY POOR NEIGHBORS.
jin would think yamapi knocked up a married woman. xD
also icu being touchy in bed, pin, icu.
"I'm gay," Tomohisa says, and Jin stills
... didn't see that coming. good job.
and now his hand has abandoned Tomohisa's shirt and his fingers are drawing small, slow circles into the flesh at Tomohisa's waist.
no really, icu. *_*
omg they have to let the baby cry and JIN CRAWLS INTO PI'S BED. you are killing me.
And beneath Tomohisa's arm, Jin's heart beats a little faster.
;alsdkas;ldkas;ldask PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN ♥ okay next part
no subject
Date: 2011-09-05 08:15 am (UTC)Yamapi has a baby and look like him, well..bcoz that baby is her sister's baby, ne^^
Pin's Baby ♥ ♥ ♥
'Somehow, everything is okay. Because he has Tetsuya, who has stolen a piece of his heart, and because he has Jin, who, if Tomohisa is honest with himself, has had the rest of Tomohisa's heart for a long time now'
Thats sweet, really sweet~