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maayacolabackupTitle:Catching Moments
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Kato Shigeaki/ Nishikido Ryo
Summary: Shige never expected to feel this close. It's sort of like falling, and sort of like flying, too. ~22,000
Notes: for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
liliths_child who was a helpful set of eyes when I needed them a lot. She asked me for Ryo/Shige as her reward, and I kind of leaped at the chance to tackle such a different dynamic. I hope this turned out okay for you, dear :)
"I need your help," Ryo breathed into the phone. "Like, I seriously will die of mortification and despair if you do not save my life."
Shige sighed, and ran a hand through his short hair. "What do you need, Nishikido?" he asked, knowing that in the long run, it didn't really matter, because he would do it regardless, because he could never seem to squash that urge to please Ryo, to earn his friendship. Shige just hoped it didn't involve dressing in drag, getting stung by jellyfish, or him and Koyama being Ryo's wingmen at that sketchy-as-heck bar that Ryo liked, even though the floors hadn't been mopped since the mid-nineties and the women mostly looked like troll dolls. Those had all been terrible nights, and Shige was pretty sure he deserved some kind of Nobel Peace Prize for 'Awesome Kouhai' or something like that.
But, Ryo hardly ever admitted to needing help, either, so maybe that was why Shige was so inclined to give it.
"You're smart, right?" Ryo said, sounding a lot calmer after hearing the resignation in Shige's tone. "You're like, a lawyer."
"Um," Shige replied, scratching the back of his neck uncomfortably. "I'm not terrible at studying."
"Perfect!" Ryo replied. "Because that's what I need help with."
"Studying?" Shige whistled, incredulously. "What on earth, Nishikido, could get you interested in studying?"
"Revenge!" Ryo howled into the phone, and Shige held it away from his ear and cradled his face in his other hand.
This was going to be stupid.
"Do you remember where my apartment is? Let me give you directions."
***
"So then our manager told us we were going to do a trivia show, me and Pi, I mean, and Jin and Nakamaru are going to be our competitors. Now, we both know Jin isn't much of a threat..."
"Akanishi couldn't think his way out of a plastic bag even if he was suffocating," Shige replied, because in his opinion, it was true.
"Yeah, weed is about the only thing Jin can do out of a plastic bag," Ryo agreed, "But, seriously, Pi isn't the brightest crayon in the box, either."
"Hot pink is pretty bright," Shige joked, and Ryo beamed at him.
"Well, okay, let's stop using metaphors. I love them, but Jin and Pi have about four brain cells between them most days, unless they've been drinking, and then it's three. But Nakamaru, on the other hand...he's smart. Not as smart as you, but definitely smarter than me."
"Okay," Shige said, a little embarrassed that Ryo thought so highly of him, and wondering if it was just because Ryo didn't know him that well. "So..."
"They're all Japanese history questions," Ryo told him, hefting a heavy, intimidating tome out of his backpack and dropping it with a thud on Shige's kitchen table. "Help me, please. I can't lose."
"Why can't you lose?" Shige asked. "You mentioned revenge."
"Oh you know me," Ryo said with a tiny, secretive cackle. "Always out for revenge." He avoided Shige's eyes and Shige's question, instead opening the book to a random page.
Shige did kinda know Ryo, although sometimes, like right then, when he was acting weird and crazy in Shige's kitchen, he wished he didn't. "Nishikido?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Ryo said quietly, and Shige's brows furrowed together.
"Alright then," Shige replied, after a moment's silence. "When do you want to start?"
Ryo gave him a look of relief that made Shige's stomach clench with curiosity. "How about now?" Ryo asked, and Shige pulled the book over to himself with a sigh.
"Alright, Nishikido, pay attention."
***
As the two weeks until the variety show competition passed, Shige struggled to drill random facts about daimyo and samurai and the Fujiwara lineage into Ryo's head, while Ryo attempted-- well, Shige wasn't quite sure what Ryo was attempting, but his only guesses were 'driving Shige to suicide' or 'driving Shige to homicide'.
"So, Nishikido, who was the first shogun of the Tokugawa shogunate?"
"Get a haircut," Ryo replied into his coffee, and Shige sighed.
"You have the patience of a saint," Yamapi said to Shige, leaning onto Shige's shoulder. "Nishikido would be six feet under already if it were me tutoring him."
"Yeah, because I would have been buried under the devastating weight of your stupidity," Ryo snapped, before he pushed his hand through his hair with frustration.
"Nishikido," Shige finally says. "Who was the first shogun?"
"I don't know," Ryo grunted, before gulping the entirety of his coffee. "Was it Gackt? He's certainly old enough."
Yamapi snorted, and pillowed his head on his arms, laying face down on the table. "Tokugawa Ieyasu, right?"
Shige and Ryo both turned to look at Yamapi, who could somehow feel the weight of their combined stares. "That's...that's correct, Yamapi."
Yamapi gave them a peace sign without lifting his head, and Ryo scratched the back of his neck. "I think it's bed time," he mumbled, and got up to go refill his coffee cup.
"Well, maybe if you'd slept last night instead of drinking yourselves stupid," Shige muttered, pushing his glasses up on his nose, because they had slid down again.
"Can it, old man," Ryo growled, stomping off toward the coffee machine while Yamapi texted Jin weird pictures of his arm hair.
Shige sometimes wondered what he had done to deserve this.
***
"I'm going to kill him," Shige told Koyama, who listened sympathetically. "I'm going to kill him and no one will find the body, because I took a criminal forensics class as a distribution requirement and I know all the places the police will look."
Koyama looked up from from his knitting and frowned at Shige. "Calm down, Shige. Just tell him you can't study with him anymore."
"I can't do that." Ryo's serious face when he'd avoided Shige's question flashed in his mind. Whatever reason was behind it, Ryo really wanted to win, and it was Shige's job, as a good kouhai, to help him. Plus Shige'd always, always, wanted Ryo to like him, to spend time with him, even if he didn't know why he wanted that. And even if they didn't get much done in the way of studying, and he was frustrated with Ryo's lack of focus, he had to admit it was kind of...fun. "What are you knitting, by the way?"
"Well, if you can't quit, just look on the bright side! Ryo-chan is kind of playful, right?" Koyama looked down at the amorphous sky blue yarn project in his lap and smiled. "I'm making a sweater for Nyanta."
Shige blinked twice at the creation, and turned his head sideways. He could sort of see it, he supposed. "He is," Shige admitted. "He's only told me to get a hair cut twice this week."
"Progress!!" Koyama cheered, and Shige felt his bad mood evaporating more and more by the second. "Ryo-chan is the only member Shige isn't close to, right? Keep trying, Shige!!!"
Shige sighed and grinned. "I will," Shige promised, and Koyama put down his knitting needles.
"You're too nice, Shige," Koyama said, and Shige looked at him in disbelief.
"Look who's talking!" Koyama blushed, and Shige laughed, and Koyama threw a couch cushion at him.
***
Ryo was a lot more serious when Yamapi wasn't around, so Shige started pop-quizzing Ryo when they found themselves alone, pulling random questions out of a notebook full of facts he had stayed up all night assembling. Ryo was getting a lot of them right, too, and Shige wasn't sure how until he caught Ryo studying one morning when he came in earlier than he was supposed to. Ryo looked up quickly when he opened the door, looking guilty at getting caught doing something as nerdy as studying, but relaxed when he saw it was Shige.
"Oh, it's just you," Ryo mumbled, and Shige wasn't sure if he should feel offended that he wasn't worth a second glance, or pleased that Ryo didn't feel like he he had to pretend around him.
"Yup, just me," Shige said dryly. "How goes the studying?"
"Ugh," Ryo replied. "I will never beat Nakamaru. He has all that extra space for brain matter in his nose-- I can't compete with that."
If it had been any other member but Ryo, Shige would have clapped them on the shoulder and told them to cheer up, or maybe made a joke and offered a shoulder rub. But between him and Ryo, there'd always been a physical barrier when the cameras were off, and Shige always felt verbally inept around Ryo anyway, maybe because Ryo always spoke so cleverly and carefully. "You'll do fine."
"Fine? I don't want to do fine. I hate coming in second," Ryo grouched, and Shige wanted to smile at his childish expression. He rarely got to see this side of Ryo when it was just the two of them.
"Why's this so important to you? It's just a variety show quiz?" Shige asked, and Ryo's eyes darkened and the petulant expression dropped from his face, to be replaced with something more serious.
"I know it's just a little joke quiz, and that winning or losing it won't mean anything in the long run, but...I've already lost to him once, and I don't know if I can...take it again." Ryo's voice trailed off at the end, and Shige felt uncomfortable, like he was watching something private, like he shouldn't be seeing that look on Ryo's face.
As far as Shige knew, Ryo didn't have any issues with Jin-- they'd all been hanging out as recently as a week ago, long after Ryo had asked for help to study for the quiz. But for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what kind of problem anyone would have with Nakamaru. "If you need anything..." Shige said awkwardly, and Ryo pulled himself out of his mood with a visible shake.
"Just helping me study is good," Ryo said, staring at the wall behind Shige instead of meeting Shige's gaze. "It's enough. I don't need a heart to heart or anything like that."
Shige nodded, and Ryo, maybe seeing the movement out of the corner of his eye, licked his lips. "You never have to fill the silence," Ryo said. "I like that about you."
Shige didn't know what to say to that, at all, but it made his neck flush with embarrassment and pleasure he couldn't suppress. Shige didn't know why he always sought Ryo's approval, but every time he earned praise from the older man... "Who wrote one of the world's first novels, the very famous 'Tale of Genji'?" Shige asked, slipping his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
Ryo laughed. "You are so awkward," Ryo told him, face softening with what, if Shige didn't know any better, he would say was affection. "And the answer is Murasaki Shikibu."
"You should have gone to University," Shige informed him. "You've got a good memory."
"No time. Between NewS and Kanjani and dramas and all that stuff, I have no time to even sleep."
"You could have time, if you partied less," Shige said, with a teasing tone. Ryo looked surprised, and maybe Shige had never talked to him like that before, because he'd never quite felt comfortable to.
"Whatever," Ryo said with a snort. "Besides, university is for nerds with no life, like you."
"And nerds like Yamapi?" Shige said, and Ryo smiled wryly. "Besides, I am not a nerd. I am just intellectually curious. Some of us in this room right now could do with being a bit more academically motivated right now."
"Uh-huh," Ryo replied, rolling his eyes. "Shut up, nerd. And get a hair cut. You look like a pinecone."
Ryo walked out of the meeting room, leaving his book in the chair he'd been sitting in, and Shige walked over and picked it up, contemplating the post-it notes and bookmarks all throughout the book.
"Nerd, huh?" Shige said to himself, and smiled.
***
Shige wasn't sure why he had come today. He supposed he just wanted to see if all their hard work had paid off, or if Ryo was totally going to blank on stage. But either way, even backstage the lights were impossibly bright.
It was a close competition. Yamapi and Jin were too busy making dorky fish faces at each other to really pay attention to the game, and they seemed to be having some sort of contest over the female host, trying their best to make her burn alive with embarrassment by flirting outrageously and insulting each other. It was interesting to see Yamapi act like that on camera, but Jin always did bring out what could dubiously be called the best in Yamapi.
Ryo and Nakamaru though, were intensely involved in the quiz show, spouting off answers before the male host could finish the questions. Nakamaru looked slightly bewildered, but Ryo had on his concentrating face, the one Shige had seen him wear when he was trying to figure out a chord for a song he was writing, or scribbling lyrics on the napkins he got with his bento from the conbini.
When Ryo won, Shige felt like he would burst with pride, which was weird, because he wasn't sure when he had gotten so emotionally invested in the whole trivia show thing. But he had, somehow, gotten invested, and to see all of Ryo's hard work pay off was...kinda fulfilling, and Shige kinda liked the look of satisfaction on Ryo's face, too, even though he usually associated that expression with his own public humiliation.
He waited around until the show ended, leaning against the studio wall pretending like he was supposed to be there. No one questioned him, probably because he was a member of NewS with Yamapi and Ryo.
Ryo spotted him about five minutes before the end of the broadcast, and his eyebrows climbed up his face with something that Shige thought might be pleasure. He never knew with Ryo, because he was too hard to read.
When the lights went down, and the cameras ceased their filming, Ryo lazily walked over to Shige, his hair falling into his face as he walked. Shige inexplicably wanted to brush it back, but he didn't.
"Shige," Ryo said, and he rested his hand on Shige's shoulder calmly, his face in a gentle smile. "Really, thanks."
"It was nothing," Shige replied, but his face blushed with a little bit of pleasure, and Ryo's smile widened.
"I honestly couldn't have done it without you," Ryo asserted, and then his hand on Shige's shoulder curled into a fist, and he punched him in the arm. "You're a good friend."
Shige's insides felt all gooey and warm, like he'd just won some terrific prize. A good friend. He liked the sound of it.
Ryo's cell phone rang, and he accepted the call, holding the phone up to his ear. "Hey Jin, how's being fat and a loser feel today?"
Shige heard a few curse words come out of the phone in English, and Ryo laughed. "I don't know what any of that meant, but aren't you here in the building?"
They both heard Jin's voice behind them, and Ryo hung up the phone as Jin sauntered over to them, hands in the pockets of his ratty jeans and his perfect idol hair already squashed under a beanie. "You're a dick," Jin told Ryo with a grin.
"And you're a big vagina," Ryo replied, and Shige made a noise of discomfort at the language. "What you doing tonight?"
"Out?" Jin asked, and Ryo nodded. Jin flipped his cell open again and walked off, while Ryo turned to Shige. "You should come."
"I don't think it's quite my scene," Shige answered, hedging the invitation.
"Don't be such a wimp," Ryo said, taunting him. "I'm sure you can handle it."
"No thanks," Shige said, and Ryo was about to argue with him when a hesitant voice called out Ryo's name behind them both.
Walking quickly down the hallway towards them was Nakamaru. Shige didnt know Nakamaru that well; he knew him in the way that most of the major Johnny groups knew each other, but he didn't know him know him. He had thought Ryo did, though, since they used to both hang out with Jin a lot.
Ryo stiffened in a strange way, and ignored Nakamaru until Nakamaru was standing right behind him. "Ryo, can we talk?"
"I don't have anything to say to you," Ryo said shortly, and Nakamaru swallowed and nodded.
"Okay," he said, and there was something melancholy in his voice that made Shige hurt, just a little. Ryo heard it too, Shige could tell, because the hard line of his mouth wavered for the briefest of moments. "But if you ever do," Nakamaru continued, and Ryo's eyes closed like he was trying to block Nakamaru's voice out of his head. "If you ever do have something to say to me, or if you'll ever listen to what I have to say to you, then... You know how to get ahold of me."
Nakamaru waited for just a moment, maybe hoping Ryo would turn around and look at him, but then he exhaled, slowly and sadly. He smiled softly at Shige, a greeting and a goodbye, and cast one last look at Ryo's stiff back before retreating.
Jin wandered back over, with Yamapi in tow, clicking his phone shut as he approached. "We're on," Jin said, and grinned. "Is the suit coming with us?" Jin asked, cocking his thumb at Shige and making Shige want to bristle. He restrained the urge, opting instead to half-heartedly glare at Jin as Ryo chuckled hollowly.
Shige hated the empty look in Ryo's eyes. He'd never seen it before, but it seemed so painful. "I'd just make an idiot of myself," Shige said. "I'm not much of a partier."
A spark of humor entered Ryo's eyes. "That's true. But still, you should come." Ryo smiled softly at Shige, another new expression Shige filed away to examine later. "I'd like it if you came."
Shige squared his shoulders, and said "I'll come," before he could stop himself.
Four hours later, when he found himself in a booth at a popular Shibuya night club, as Ryo took his seventh shot of the evening and Yamapi had disappeared after he and Jin had squabbled over something silly like what color towels they were going to buy to replace the unraveling ones in their apartment, Shige wondered why he had agreed to this.
Jin and Ryo were bantering somewhat good-naturedly back and forth, both of them too drunk to pronounce half their words, and Uchi cradled a beer between his hands, drinking slowly and watching the two with amusement. Shige had ordered a soda, which had made Jin, Ryo, and Yamapi both tease him mercilessly, but Uchi had simply winked at him when the others hadn't been looking.
"Ryo is wastey-face," Jin taunted, and Ryo grunted.
"So are you, you light-weight. Didn't you learn how to hold your liquor in America?"
Jin cackled, and Uchi slugged Ryo in the shoulder, and Shige felt woefully out of place. He didn't belong here, with these close friends who had millions of inside jokes and a sort of easiness that comes with years of familiarity.
But Ryo had asked him to come, and their newly blooming friendship was something Shige didn't want to watch shrivel up and disappear. Even if being there made him a little uncomfortable.
"I hope you're sterile," Ryo slurred drunkenly at Jin, and Shige would have laughed if he wasn't so worried about Ryo.
"I don't have to take your abuse," Jin said, but he didn't look angry, just amused. "Where's Pi?"
"Dancing," Uchi said, pointing at the dance floor where Yamapi was dancing with a girl in mile-high stilettos. Jin frowned, the tiny expression pulling strangely at his mouth, got up, and walked toward Yamapi and the girl, and Shige watched as the crowd swallowed the three figures up. "I'm going to hit the restroom," Uchi said, smiling at Shige. "Can you take care of Shit-show Nishikido for me?"
Shige looked doubtfully down at Ryo, who laid with his head in Uchi's lap, looking two seconds away from needing a trashcan, and nodded. "I'll do my best," Shige said, and Uchi chuckled.
"You always do," Uchi said.
Uchi lifted Ryo's head and slid out from under him, gesturing at Shige to slide in and take his seat. Shige hesitantly took Uchi's place as Ryo's pillow, and Ryo grunted when Uchi dropped his head, suddenly, onto Shige's lap.
"Why is everything spinning?" Ryo said, and Shige smiled.
"Probably because the human body wasn't really meant to digest alcohol. It's like a slow poison, didn't you know?"
"Don't lecture me. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd fart," Ryo said, and Shige shot his coke right out of his nose.
"Nishikido!"
"Whatever," Ryo slurred. "Just stop talking." Ryo rolled over on Shige's lap, so that his face was turned toward the sea of people on the dance floor rather than squinting up at Shige. "I really loved her," Ryo said, out of the blue, and Shige looked down at the side of Ryo's face.
"What? Who?" Shige didn't know what Ryo could be talking about.
"Satoko," Ryo replied, and Shige could barely make out the name.
"Who the heck is Satoko?" Shige wondered if another part of this conversation was happening in Ryo's head.
"The girl I loved," Ryo said, before turning his face back to Shige. "I loved her so much but stupid Nakamaru took her away."
Ryo closed his eyes then, and his eyebrows furrowed together. His face was caught in expression that Shige had never seen before, but it was vulnerable, and Shige felt nervous. "Nishikido, I'm not Uchi. It's Shige you're talking to."
"Of course you're not Uchi. Uchi wouldn't be caught dead with hair that resembles a lop-sided Christmas tree." Ryo grunted. "Uchi also wouldn't have devoted hours of his free time to helping me prepare for a variety show quiz without even knowing the reason for it."
Shige flushed and looked up at the ceiling, his head digging into the red leather cushion behind his neck. "Um."
"She wasn't my girlfriend or anything. It's not even really his fault, but I can't help but blame him for taking her away," Ryo said, and it took Shige a minute to realize he was talking about Satoko again. "I just wanted to win this time, even if it was just a stupid, petty, variety show game."
"Do you feel better now?" Shige asked curiously, looking down on Ryo once more. Ryo's eyes were looking right back, glazed over and unfocused.
"Not really," Ryo said. "But it's a start."
Shige hesitantly rested his hand on Ryo's arm, just a small gesture, but it made Ryo relax against him. "We all have to start somewhere."
"Take a shot with me," Ryo said, and Shige frowned.
"You don't need any more shots."
"Then take one without me."
"Why?" Shige asked, and Ryo groaned and hoisted himself upright, using the table for leverage.
"Because if I'm drunk and spilling my life secrets to you, you had better at least be tipsy."
***
It took Shige a minute to remember where he was when he woke up in the morning, in an unfamiliar apartment with the sun rising instead of setting in the big window. His back hurt, and when he opened his eyes, there was an amorphous blob that might be a human face peering down on him curiously.
"It lives!" A voice, Ryo's voice, Shige realized belatedly, said, and then Shige blinked, and his dry contacts finally got enough moisture from his tear ducts to settle back against his eyes without burning.
"My eyes hurt," Shige croaked, and Ryo cackled.
"That's called a hangover," Ryo said. "And this is called orange juice. Both are a vital part of mornings after a night on the town with Nishikido."
"I don't have a hangover," Shige said, sitting up and taking the orange juice from Ryo's hand anyway. "I just slept with my contacts in, which I shouldn't do."
"Wait, really?" Ryo asked. "I do that all the time."
"Are they the kind of contacts you can wear for a week?" Shige replied, after drinking a giant gulp of the juice. "This has pulp, doesn't it?"
"There are different kinds of contacts?" Ryo asked blankly, looking confused. "And yes, that orange juice has pulp, as god intended."
Shige made a disgusted face at him, and Ryo made a surprised bark of amusement. "You're going to go blind," Shige told him, setting the half-full juice glass on the table and trying not wince at the fact that there were no coasters. "And pulp is disgusting."
Ryo was still laughing. "You're fun in the morning."
"Glad to amuse you," Shige snarked, and Ryo's face slid into a more serious expression. Shige was amazed at how fast Ryo could change expressions, change the mood of the room.
"Shige," Ryo said then, and Shige looked at him, waiting. "Thank you, again. I seem to be thanking you a lot lately."
"For what?" Shige said uncomfortably, examining Ryo's rug, worn and soft beneath his feet.
"You know, when I first met you," Ryo said. "I thought you were straight-laced, boring, and had a terrible haircut." Shige snapped his head up with a frown, but Ryo was smiling at him, and it made Shige's heart flip. "Now I know better, because only one of those three things is true."
"Which one?" Shige joked, and Ryo gave him a lopsided smile.
"Be quiet and drink your pulp," Ryo said, and Shige drained his glass.
***
"Are you getting closer with Ryo-chan?" Tegoshi asked him, as Massu stuffed dumpling after dumpling into his face. Tegoshi would lean over every once in a while and nab one from Massu's plate, which led to a baleful glare from Massu until the waiter at the dim sum place they were at brought another heaping mound to the table.
"What do you mean?" Shige replied, stirring his soup carelessly with a wide ceramic spoon. "Nothing's changed."
Tegoshi scoffed, and Shige raised an eyebrow at him, which made Tegoshi smile sweetly and bat his eyelashes. "Liar," Tegoshi said, and Massu nodded in agreement, his cheeks bulging. "You might as well tell me what's up, because I want to know, and I always get what I want eventually."
"Massu's much cuter than you today," Shige told him, and stuffed four dumplings into his mouth at once.
***
Everyone else had gone home, and Shige was left alone in the empty studio with his camera and a handful of decent photos he'd taken on set today.
Shige had a giant album of photos he had taken since NewS' debut, sitting on his bedside table at home. He'd started it on a whim-- just a way to keep the memories, because Shige knew it couldn't last forever, being pop idol. Being a part of NewS was one of the pivotal experiences of his life, and when it was all over, he wanted to be able to look back and remember it all, all the times Koyama had made him smile, or Yamapi and Tegoshi had joked with each other about food, or Massu had slung a beefy arm around his shoulder in camaraderie, or Ryo had playfully teased him, rewarding him with a smile when he refused to crack. He wanted to keep all of those perfect things close to his heart, and his photography had just seemed the perfect answer.
Today he'd taken some really funny shots of Koyama with pencils up his nose-- not pictures like the New York photos, that Koyama had actually snatched as official shots, but fun ones, ones he'd definitely add to his album.
"You really like taking photos, huh?" Ryo said, and Shige jumped, startled, and almost dropped his camera.
"Yeah, I do," Shige replied, readjusting his grip around the SLR, the strap looped twice around his wrist.
"What do you take pictures of?" Ryo leaned against the door frame, just watching him, arms crossed against his chest.
"Flowers, buildings, people," Shige started, then he cleared his throat. "Just, you know, the world."
"I don't really get why you take so many pictures though," Ryo said, not moving from his watchful place in the entrance to the dressing room.
"Because photographs are timeless. They capture an image, a moment, and freeze it in time, forever preserving that image just the way it looked at the exact second you snapped the picture." Shige sucked his lower lip into his mouth, fiddling with the lens, adjusting the focus and exposure. "Some moments just scream out for capture-- when I see something incredibly ugly, or something incredibly beautiful, I want to make that scene last for eternity. I want that moment, that awe-inspiring moment, to exist forever."
When Shige finished speaking, he looked up at Ryo again. "Wow," Ryo said, looking at him queerly. "That's...kind of an awesome answer."
"When I was a kid," Shige told him, "I wanted to be a photographer." Shige cracked his neck. "Never really saw myself in front of the camera."
"Why did you do this, then? Why aren't you taking pictures of penguins in Alaska, or something?"
"Because there aren't any penguins in Alaska," Shige said, and Ryo huffed.
"Answer the question, smart-ass."
"Because..." Shige contemplated his answer. "Because to me, being behind the camera is capturing moments, from your own perspective. But I wanted..." Shige ran his hands along the sleek body of his camera, enjoying the weight of it in his hands. "I wanted to be a part of some moments, too."
Ryo was staring at him, with some unreadable look in his eyes that Shige couldn't decipher. His eyes were so dark they looked black. The fluorescent light from the dressing room cast Ryo in shadow, because the hallway had gone dark in the early evening. His jaw looked sharp and dangerous, and Shige lifted the camera without a second thought and took a picture.
"Something incredibly ugly, huh?" Ryo said nervously, the look disappearing from his eyes, and leaving Shige wondering if he completely imagined it.
It was then that Shige noticed the disheveled hair, and the dark circles under Ryo's eyes. He looked tired, but something about Ryo, some essential light that Shige'd always seen, always know existed, shone through anyway. Shige kind of wanted to take another photo, but now Ryo was on his guard.
"Something awe-inspiring," Shige replied, and when Ryo's mouth gaped slightly in surprise, Shige clicked the button, and his world shook with the whir of the shutter.
Later, when Shige was examining the film in the darkroom, which honestly was just his laundry room that he converted once a week into an off-limits development zone, the two pictures of Ryo ended up being his favorites.
Part Two
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Kato Shigeaki/ Nishikido Ryo
Summary: Shige never expected to feel this close. It's sort of like falling, and sort of like flying, too. ~22,000
Notes: for
liliths_child who was a helpful set of eyes when I needed them a lot. She asked me for Ryo/Shige as her reward, and I kind of leaped at the chance to tackle such a different dynamic. I hope this turned out okay for you, dear :)"I need your help," Ryo breathed into the phone. "Like, I seriously will die of mortification and despair if you do not save my life."
Shige sighed, and ran a hand through his short hair. "What do you need, Nishikido?" he asked, knowing that in the long run, it didn't really matter, because he would do it regardless, because he could never seem to squash that urge to please Ryo, to earn his friendship. Shige just hoped it didn't involve dressing in drag, getting stung by jellyfish, or him and Koyama being Ryo's wingmen at that sketchy-as-heck bar that Ryo liked, even though the floors hadn't been mopped since the mid-nineties and the women mostly looked like troll dolls. Those had all been terrible nights, and Shige was pretty sure he deserved some kind of Nobel Peace Prize for 'Awesome Kouhai' or something like that.
But, Ryo hardly ever admitted to needing help, either, so maybe that was why Shige was so inclined to give it.
"You're smart, right?" Ryo said, sounding a lot calmer after hearing the resignation in Shige's tone. "You're like, a lawyer."
"Um," Shige replied, scratching the back of his neck uncomfortably. "I'm not terrible at studying."
"Perfect!" Ryo replied. "Because that's what I need help with."
"Studying?" Shige whistled, incredulously. "What on earth, Nishikido, could get you interested in studying?"
"Revenge!" Ryo howled into the phone, and Shige held it away from his ear and cradled his face in his other hand.
This was going to be stupid.
"Do you remember where my apartment is? Let me give you directions."
***
"So then our manager told us we were going to do a trivia show, me and Pi, I mean, and Jin and Nakamaru are going to be our competitors. Now, we both know Jin isn't much of a threat..."
"Akanishi couldn't think his way out of a plastic bag even if he was suffocating," Shige replied, because in his opinion, it was true.
"Yeah, weed is about the only thing Jin can do out of a plastic bag," Ryo agreed, "But, seriously, Pi isn't the brightest crayon in the box, either."
"Hot pink is pretty bright," Shige joked, and Ryo beamed at him.
"Well, okay, let's stop using metaphors. I love them, but Jin and Pi have about four brain cells between them most days, unless they've been drinking, and then it's three. But Nakamaru, on the other hand...he's smart. Not as smart as you, but definitely smarter than me."
"Okay," Shige said, a little embarrassed that Ryo thought so highly of him, and wondering if it was just because Ryo didn't know him that well. "So..."
"They're all Japanese history questions," Ryo told him, hefting a heavy, intimidating tome out of his backpack and dropping it with a thud on Shige's kitchen table. "Help me, please. I can't lose."
"Why can't you lose?" Shige asked. "You mentioned revenge."
"Oh you know me," Ryo said with a tiny, secretive cackle. "Always out for revenge." He avoided Shige's eyes and Shige's question, instead opening the book to a random page.
Shige did kinda know Ryo, although sometimes, like right then, when he was acting weird and crazy in Shige's kitchen, he wished he didn't. "Nishikido?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Ryo said quietly, and Shige's brows furrowed together.
"Alright then," Shige replied, after a moment's silence. "When do you want to start?"
Ryo gave him a look of relief that made Shige's stomach clench with curiosity. "How about now?" Ryo asked, and Shige pulled the book over to himself with a sigh.
"Alright, Nishikido, pay attention."
***
As the two weeks until the variety show competition passed, Shige struggled to drill random facts about daimyo and samurai and the Fujiwara lineage into Ryo's head, while Ryo attempted-- well, Shige wasn't quite sure what Ryo was attempting, but his only guesses were 'driving Shige to suicide' or 'driving Shige to homicide'.
"So, Nishikido, who was the first shogun of the Tokugawa shogunate?"
"Get a haircut," Ryo replied into his coffee, and Shige sighed.
"You have the patience of a saint," Yamapi said to Shige, leaning onto Shige's shoulder. "Nishikido would be six feet under already if it were me tutoring him."
"Yeah, because I would have been buried under the devastating weight of your stupidity," Ryo snapped, before he pushed his hand through his hair with frustration.
"Nishikido," Shige finally says. "Who was the first shogun?"
"I don't know," Ryo grunted, before gulping the entirety of his coffee. "Was it Gackt? He's certainly old enough."
Yamapi snorted, and pillowed his head on his arms, laying face down on the table. "Tokugawa Ieyasu, right?"
Shige and Ryo both turned to look at Yamapi, who could somehow feel the weight of their combined stares. "That's...that's correct, Yamapi."
Yamapi gave them a peace sign without lifting his head, and Ryo scratched the back of his neck. "I think it's bed time," he mumbled, and got up to go refill his coffee cup.
"Well, maybe if you'd slept last night instead of drinking yourselves stupid," Shige muttered, pushing his glasses up on his nose, because they had slid down again.
"Can it, old man," Ryo growled, stomping off toward the coffee machine while Yamapi texted Jin weird pictures of his arm hair.
Shige sometimes wondered what he had done to deserve this.
***
"I'm going to kill him," Shige told Koyama, who listened sympathetically. "I'm going to kill him and no one will find the body, because I took a criminal forensics class as a distribution requirement and I know all the places the police will look."
Koyama looked up from from his knitting and frowned at Shige. "Calm down, Shige. Just tell him you can't study with him anymore."
"I can't do that." Ryo's serious face when he'd avoided Shige's question flashed in his mind. Whatever reason was behind it, Ryo really wanted to win, and it was Shige's job, as a good kouhai, to help him. Plus Shige'd always, always, wanted Ryo to like him, to spend time with him, even if he didn't know why he wanted that. And even if they didn't get much done in the way of studying, and he was frustrated with Ryo's lack of focus, he had to admit it was kind of...fun. "What are you knitting, by the way?"
"Well, if you can't quit, just look on the bright side! Ryo-chan is kind of playful, right?" Koyama looked down at the amorphous sky blue yarn project in his lap and smiled. "I'm making a sweater for Nyanta."
Shige blinked twice at the creation, and turned his head sideways. He could sort of see it, he supposed. "He is," Shige admitted. "He's only told me to get a hair cut twice this week."
"Progress!!" Koyama cheered, and Shige felt his bad mood evaporating more and more by the second. "Ryo-chan is the only member Shige isn't close to, right? Keep trying, Shige!!!"
Shige sighed and grinned. "I will," Shige promised, and Koyama put down his knitting needles.
"You're too nice, Shige," Koyama said, and Shige looked at him in disbelief.
"Look who's talking!" Koyama blushed, and Shige laughed, and Koyama threw a couch cushion at him.
***
Ryo was a lot more serious when Yamapi wasn't around, so Shige started pop-quizzing Ryo when they found themselves alone, pulling random questions out of a notebook full of facts he had stayed up all night assembling. Ryo was getting a lot of them right, too, and Shige wasn't sure how until he caught Ryo studying one morning when he came in earlier than he was supposed to. Ryo looked up quickly when he opened the door, looking guilty at getting caught doing something as nerdy as studying, but relaxed when he saw it was Shige.
"Oh, it's just you," Ryo mumbled, and Shige wasn't sure if he should feel offended that he wasn't worth a second glance, or pleased that Ryo didn't feel like he he had to pretend around him.
"Yup, just me," Shige said dryly. "How goes the studying?"
"Ugh," Ryo replied. "I will never beat Nakamaru. He has all that extra space for brain matter in his nose-- I can't compete with that."
If it had been any other member but Ryo, Shige would have clapped them on the shoulder and told them to cheer up, or maybe made a joke and offered a shoulder rub. But between him and Ryo, there'd always been a physical barrier when the cameras were off, and Shige always felt verbally inept around Ryo anyway, maybe because Ryo always spoke so cleverly and carefully. "You'll do fine."
"Fine? I don't want to do fine. I hate coming in second," Ryo grouched, and Shige wanted to smile at his childish expression. He rarely got to see this side of Ryo when it was just the two of them.
"Why's this so important to you? It's just a variety show quiz?" Shige asked, and Ryo's eyes darkened and the petulant expression dropped from his face, to be replaced with something more serious.
"I know it's just a little joke quiz, and that winning or losing it won't mean anything in the long run, but...I've already lost to him once, and I don't know if I can...take it again." Ryo's voice trailed off at the end, and Shige felt uncomfortable, like he was watching something private, like he shouldn't be seeing that look on Ryo's face.
As far as Shige knew, Ryo didn't have any issues with Jin-- they'd all been hanging out as recently as a week ago, long after Ryo had asked for help to study for the quiz. But for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what kind of problem anyone would have with Nakamaru. "If you need anything..." Shige said awkwardly, and Ryo pulled himself out of his mood with a visible shake.
"Just helping me study is good," Ryo said, staring at the wall behind Shige instead of meeting Shige's gaze. "It's enough. I don't need a heart to heart or anything like that."
Shige nodded, and Ryo, maybe seeing the movement out of the corner of his eye, licked his lips. "You never have to fill the silence," Ryo said. "I like that about you."
Shige didn't know what to say to that, at all, but it made his neck flush with embarrassment and pleasure he couldn't suppress. Shige didn't know why he always sought Ryo's approval, but every time he earned praise from the older man... "Who wrote one of the world's first novels, the very famous 'Tale of Genji'?" Shige asked, slipping his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
Ryo laughed. "You are so awkward," Ryo told him, face softening with what, if Shige didn't know any better, he would say was affection. "And the answer is Murasaki Shikibu."
"You should have gone to University," Shige informed him. "You've got a good memory."
"No time. Between NewS and Kanjani and dramas and all that stuff, I have no time to even sleep."
"You could have time, if you partied less," Shige said, with a teasing tone. Ryo looked surprised, and maybe Shige had never talked to him like that before, because he'd never quite felt comfortable to.
"Whatever," Ryo said with a snort. "Besides, university is for nerds with no life, like you."
"And nerds like Yamapi?" Shige said, and Ryo smiled wryly. "Besides, I am not a nerd. I am just intellectually curious. Some of us in this room right now could do with being a bit more academically motivated right now."
"Uh-huh," Ryo replied, rolling his eyes. "Shut up, nerd. And get a hair cut. You look like a pinecone."
Ryo walked out of the meeting room, leaving his book in the chair he'd been sitting in, and Shige walked over and picked it up, contemplating the post-it notes and bookmarks all throughout the book.
"Nerd, huh?" Shige said to himself, and smiled.
***
Shige wasn't sure why he had come today. He supposed he just wanted to see if all their hard work had paid off, or if Ryo was totally going to blank on stage. But either way, even backstage the lights were impossibly bright.
It was a close competition. Yamapi and Jin were too busy making dorky fish faces at each other to really pay attention to the game, and they seemed to be having some sort of contest over the female host, trying their best to make her burn alive with embarrassment by flirting outrageously and insulting each other. It was interesting to see Yamapi act like that on camera, but Jin always did bring out what could dubiously be called the best in Yamapi.
Ryo and Nakamaru though, were intensely involved in the quiz show, spouting off answers before the male host could finish the questions. Nakamaru looked slightly bewildered, but Ryo had on his concentrating face, the one Shige had seen him wear when he was trying to figure out a chord for a song he was writing, or scribbling lyrics on the napkins he got with his bento from the conbini.
When Ryo won, Shige felt like he would burst with pride, which was weird, because he wasn't sure when he had gotten so emotionally invested in the whole trivia show thing. But he had, somehow, gotten invested, and to see all of Ryo's hard work pay off was...kinda fulfilling, and Shige kinda liked the look of satisfaction on Ryo's face, too, even though he usually associated that expression with his own public humiliation.
He waited around until the show ended, leaning against the studio wall pretending like he was supposed to be there. No one questioned him, probably because he was a member of NewS with Yamapi and Ryo.
Ryo spotted him about five minutes before the end of the broadcast, and his eyebrows climbed up his face with something that Shige thought might be pleasure. He never knew with Ryo, because he was too hard to read.
When the lights went down, and the cameras ceased their filming, Ryo lazily walked over to Shige, his hair falling into his face as he walked. Shige inexplicably wanted to brush it back, but he didn't.
"Shige," Ryo said, and he rested his hand on Shige's shoulder calmly, his face in a gentle smile. "Really, thanks."
"It was nothing," Shige replied, but his face blushed with a little bit of pleasure, and Ryo's smile widened.
"I honestly couldn't have done it without you," Ryo asserted, and then his hand on Shige's shoulder curled into a fist, and he punched him in the arm. "You're a good friend."
Shige's insides felt all gooey and warm, like he'd just won some terrific prize. A good friend. He liked the sound of it.
Ryo's cell phone rang, and he accepted the call, holding the phone up to his ear. "Hey Jin, how's being fat and a loser feel today?"
Shige heard a few curse words come out of the phone in English, and Ryo laughed. "I don't know what any of that meant, but aren't you here in the building?"
They both heard Jin's voice behind them, and Ryo hung up the phone as Jin sauntered over to them, hands in the pockets of his ratty jeans and his perfect idol hair already squashed under a beanie. "You're a dick," Jin told Ryo with a grin.
"And you're a big vagina," Ryo replied, and Shige made a noise of discomfort at the language. "What you doing tonight?"
"Out?" Jin asked, and Ryo nodded. Jin flipped his cell open again and walked off, while Ryo turned to Shige. "You should come."
"I don't think it's quite my scene," Shige answered, hedging the invitation.
"Don't be such a wimp," Ryo said, taunting him. "I'm sure you can handle it."
"No thanks," Shige said, and Ryo was about to argue with him when a hesitant voice called out Ryo's name behind them both.
Walking quickly down the hallway towards them was Nakamaru. Shige didnt know Nakamaru that well; he knew him in the way that most of the major Johnny groups knew each other, but he didn't know him know him. He had thought Ryo did, though, since they used to both hang out with Jin a lot.
Ryo stiffened in a strange way, and ignored Nakamaru until Nakamaru was standing right behind him. "Ryo, can we talk?"
"I don't have anything to say to you," Ryo said shortly, and Nakamaru swallowed and nodded.
"Okay," he said, and there was something melancholy in his voice that made Shige hurt, just a little. Ryo heard it too, Shige could tell, because the hard line of his mouth wavered for the briefest of moments. "But if you ever do," Nakamaru continued, and Ryo's eyes closed like he was trying to block Nakamaru's voice out of his head. "If you ever do have something to say to me, or if you'll ever listen to what I have to say to you, then... You know how to get ahold of me."
Nakamaru waited for just a moment, maybe hoping Ryo would turn around and look at him, but then he exhaled, slowly and sadly. He smiled softly at Shige, a greeting and a goodbye, and cast one last look at Ryo's stiff back before retreating.
Jin wandered back over, with Yamapi in tow, clicking his phone shut as he approached. "We're on," Jin said, and grinned. "Is the suit coming with us?" Jin asked, cocking his thumb at Shige and making Shige want to bristle. He restrained the urge, opting instead to half-heartedly glare at Jin as Ryo chuckled hollowly.
Shige hated the empty look in Ryo's eyes. He'd never seen it before, but it seemed so painful. "I'd just make an idiot of myself," Shige said. "I'm not much of a partier."
A spark of humor entered Ryo's eyes. "That's true. But still, you should come." Ryo smiled softly at Shige, another new expression Shige filed away to examine later. "I'd like it if you came."
Shige squared his shoulders, and said "I'll come," before he could stop himself.
Four hours later, when he found himself in a booth at a popular Shibuya night club, as Ryo took his seventh shot of the evening and Yamapi had disappeared after he and Jin had squabbled over something silly like what color towels they were going to buy to replace the unraveling ones in their apartment, Shige wondered why he had agreed to this.
Jin and Ryo were bantering somewhat good-naturedly back and forth, both of them too drunk to pronounce half their words, and Uchi cradled a beer between his hands, drinking slowly and watching the two with amusement. Shige had ordered a soda, which had made Jin, Ryo, and Yamapi both tease him mercilessly, but Uchi had simply winked at him when the others hadn't been looking.
"Ryo is wastey-face," Jin taunted, and Ryo grunted.
"So are you, you light-weight. Didn't you learn how to hold your liquor in America?"
Jin cackled, and Uchi slugged Ryo in the shoulder, and Shige felt woefully out of place. He didn't belong here, with these close friends who had millions of inside jokes and a sort of easiness that comes with years of familiarity.
But Ryo had asked him to come, and their newly blooming friendship was something Shige didn't want to watch shrivel up and disappear. Even if being there made him a little uncomfortable.
"I hope you're sterile," Ryo slurred drunkenly at Jin, and Shige would have laughed if he wasn't so worried about Ryo.
"I don't have to take your abuse," Jin said, but he didn't look angry, just amused. "Where's Pi?"
"Dancing," Uchi said, pointing at the dance floor where Yamapi was dancing with a girl in mile-high stilettos. Jin frowned, the tiny expression pulling strangely at his mouth, got up, and walked toward Yamapi and the girl, and Shige watched as the crowd swallowed the three figures up. "I'm going to hit the restroom," Uchi said, smiling at Shige. "Can you take care of Shit-show Nishikido for me?"
Shige looked doubtfully down at Ryo, who laid with his head in Uchi's lap, looking two seconds away from needing a trashcan, and nodded. "I'll do my best," Shige said, and Uchi chuckled.
"You always do," Uchi said.
Uchi lifted Ryo's head and slid out from under him, gesturing at Shige to slide in and take his seat. Shige hesitantly took Uchi's place as Ryo's pillow, and Ryo grunted when Uchi dropped his head, suddenly, onto Shige's lap.
"Why is everything spinning?" Ryo said, and Shige smiled.
"Probably because the human body wasn't really meant to digest alcohol. It's like a slow poison, didn't you know?"
"Don't lecture me. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd fart," Ryo said, and Shige shot his coke right out of his nose.
"Nishikido!"
"Whatever," Ryo slurred. "Just stop talking." Ryo rolled over on Shige's lap, so that his face was turned toward the sea of people on the dance floor rather than squinting up at Shige. "I really loved her," Ryo said, out of the blue, and Shige looked down at the side of Ryo's face.
"What? Who?" Shige didn't know what Ryo could be talking about.
"Satoko," Ryo replied, and Shige could barely make out the name.
"Who the heck is Satoko?" Shige wondered if another part of this conversation was happening in Ryo's head.
"The girl I loved," Ryo said, before turning his face back to Shige. "I loved her so much but stupid Nakamaru took her away."
Ryo closed his eyes then, and his eyebrows furrowed together. His face was caught in expression that Shige had never seen before, but it was vulnerable, and Shige felt nervous. "Nishikido, I'm not Uchi. It's Shige you're talking to."
"Of course you're not Uchi. Uchi wouldn't be caught dead with hair that resembles a lop-sided Christmas tree." Ryo grunted. "Uchi also wouldn't have devoted hours of his free time to helping me prepare for a variety show quiz without even knowing the reason for it."
Shige flushed and looked up at the ceiling, his head digging into the red leather cushion behind his neck. "Um."
"She wasn't my girlfriend or anything. It's not even really his fault, but I can't help but blame him for taking her away," Ryo said, and it took Shige a minute to realize he was talking about Satoko again. "I just wanted to win this time, even if it was just a stupid, petty, variety show game."
"Do you feel better now?" Shige asked curiously, looking down on Ryo once more. Ryo's eyes were looking right back, glazed over and unfocused.
"Not really," Ryo said. "But it's a start."
Shige hesitantly rested his hand on Ryo's arm, just a small gesture, but it made Ryo relax against him. "We all have to start somewhere."
"Take a shot with me," Ryo said, and Shige frowned.
"You don't need any more shots."
"Then take one without me."
"Why?" Shige asked, and Ryo groaned and hoisted himself upright, using the table for leverage.
"Because if I'm drunk and spilling my life secrets to you, you had better at least be tipsy."
***
It took Shige a minute to remember where he was when he woke up in the morning, in an unfamiliar apartment with the sun rising instead of setting in the big window. His back hurt, and when he opened his eyes, there was an amorphous blob that might be a human face peering down on him curiously.
"It lives!" A voice, Ryo's voice, Shige realized belatedly, said, and then Shige blinked, and his dry contacts finally got enough moisture from his tear ducts to settle back against his eyes without burning.
"My eyes hurt," Shige croaked, and Ryo cackled.
"That's called a hangover," Ryo said. "And this is called orange juice. Both are a vital part of mornings after a night on the town with Nishikido."
"I don't have a hangover," Shige said, sitting up and taking the orange juice from Ryo's hand anyway. "I just slept with my contacts in, which I shouldn't do."
"Wait, really?" Ryo asked. "I do that all the time."
"Are they the kind of contacts you can wear for a week?" Shige replied, after drinking a giant gulp of the juice. "This has pulp, doesn't it?"
"There are different kinds of contacts?" Ryo asked blankly, looking confused. "And yes, that orange juice has pulp, as god intended."
Shige made a disgusted face at him, and Ryo made a surprised bark of amusement. "You're going to go blind," Shige told him, setting the half-full juice glass on the table and trying not wince at the fact that there were no coasters. "And pulp is disgusting."
Ryo was still laughing. "You're fun in the morning."
"Glad to amuse you," Shige snarked, and Ryo's face slid into a more serious expression. Shige was amazed at how fast Ryo could change expressions, change the mood of the room.
"Shige," Ryo said then, and Shige looked at him, waiting. "Thank you, again. I seem to be thanking you a lot lately."
"For what?" Shige said uncomfortably, examining Ryo's rug, worn and soft beneath his feet.
"You know, when I first met you," Ryo said. "I thought you were straight-laced, boring, and had a terrible haircut." Shige snapped his head up with a frown, but Ryo was smiling at him, and it made Shige's heart flip. "Now I know better, because only one of those three things is true."
"Which one?" Shige joked, and Ryo gave him a lopsided smile.
"Be quiet and drink your pulp," Ryo said, and Shige drained his glass.
***
"Are you getting closer with Ryo-chan?" Tegoshi asked him, as Massu stuffed dumpling after dumpling into his face. Tegoshi would lean over every once in a while and nab one from Massu's plate, which led to a baleful glare from Massu until the waiter at the dim sum place they were at brought another heaping mound to the table.
"What do you mean?" Shige replied, stirring his soup carelessly with a wide ceramic spoon. "Nothing's changed."
Tegoshi scoffed, and Shige raised an eyebrow at him, which made Tegoshi smile sweetly and bat his eyelashes. "Liar," Tegoshi said, and Massu nodded in agreement, his cheeks bulging. "You might as well tell me what's up, because I want to know, and I always get what I want eventually."
"Massu's much cuter than you today," Shige told him, and stuffed four dumplings into his mouth at once.
***
Everyone else had gone home, and Shige was left alone in the empty studio with his camera and a handful of decent photos he'd taken on set today.
Shige had a giant album of photos he had taken since NewS' debut, sitting on his bedside table at home. He'd started it on a whim-- just a way to keep the memories, because Shige knew it couldn't last forever, being pop idol. Being a part of NewS was one of the pivotal experiences of his life, and when it was all over, he wanted to be able to look back and remember it all, all the times Koyama had made him smile, or Yamapi and Tegoshi had joked with each other about food, or Massu had slung a beefy arm around his shoulder in camaraderie, or Ryo had playfully teased him, rewarding him with a smile when he refused to crack. He wanted to keep all of those perfect things close to his heart, and his photography had just seemed the perfect answer.
Today he'd taken some really funny shots of Koyama with pencils up his nose-- not pictures like the New York photos, that Koyama had actually snatched as official shots, but fun ones, ones he'd definitely add to his album.
"You really like taking photos, huh?" Ryo said, and Shige jumped, startled, and almost dropped his camera.
"Yeah, I do," Shige replied, readjusting his grip around the SLR, the strap looped twice around his wrist.
"What do you take pictures of?" Ryo leaned against the door frame, just watching him, arms crossed against his chest.
"Flowers, buildings, people," Shige started, then he cleared his throat. "Just, you know, the world."
"I don't really get why you take so many pictures though," Ryo said, not moving from his watchful place in the entrance to the dressing room.
"Because photographs are timeless. They capture an image, a moment, and freeze it in time, forever preserving that image just the way it looked at the exact second you snapped the picture." Shige sucked his lower lip into his mouth, fiddling with the lens, adjusting the focus and exposure. "Some moments just scream out for capture-- when I see something incredibly ugly, or something incredibly beautiful, I want to make that scene last for eternity. I want that moment, that awe-inspiring moment, to exist forever."
When Shige finished speaking, he looked up at Ryo again. "Wow," Ryo said, looking at him queerly. "That's...kind of an awesome answer."
"When I was a kid," Shige told him, "I wanted to be a photographer." Shige cracked his neck. "Never really saw myself in front of the camera."
"Why did you do this, then? Why aren't you taking pictures of penguins in Alaska, or something?"
"Because there aren't any penguins in Alaska," Shige said, and Ryo huffed.
"Answer the question, smart-ass."
"Because..." Shige contemplated his answer. "Because to me, being behind the camera is capturing moments, from your own perspective. But I wanted..." Shige ran his hands along the sleek body of his camera, enjoying the weight of it in his hands. "I wanted to be a part of some moments, too."
Ryo was staring at him, with some unreadable look in his eyes that Shige couldn't decipher. His eyes were so dark they looked black. The fluorescent light from the dressing room cast Ryo in shadow, because the hallway had gone dark in the early evening. His jaw looked sharp and dangerous, and Shige lifted the camera without a second thought and took a picture.
"Something incredibly ugly, huh?" Ryo said nervously, the look disappearing from his eyes, and leaving Shige wondering if he completely imagined it.
It was then that Shige noticed the disheveled hair, and the dark circles under Ryo's eyes. He looked tired, but something about Ryo, some essential light that Shige'd always seen, always know existed, shone through anyway. Shige kind of wanted to take another photo, but now Ryo was on his guard.
"Something awe-inspiring," Shige replied, and when Ryo's mouth gaped slightly in surprise, Shige clicked the button, and his world shook with the whir of the shutter.
Later, when Shige was examining the film in the darkroom, which honestly was just his laundry room that he converted once a week into an off-limits development zone, the two pictures of Ryo ended up being his favorites.
Part Two
