Driven (Pin, AU, NC-17) [1/3]
Jun. 28th, 2011 10:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maayacolabackupTitle: Driven
Pairing: Pin
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jin is taxi driver. One day Yamashita gets in his cab, and it's all engines go.
Notes: GUYS I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS HAPPENED OKAY. OKAY?! IT JUST DID AND IT SPIRALED OUT OF CONTROL ASDFGHJKL. (I've lost my AU virginity. I'm going to go eat some delicious ice-cream.) thank you carlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Jin likes this job. He likes two things in particular—driving random places at all hours of the night, and meeting all sorts of bizarre strangers. He tries to guess their back-stories sometimes, figure out where they’re coming from and where they’re going. Sometimes it’s easy—the drunk salaryman who climbs into the back after hugging his friends goodbye and then slurs to his wife on the phone that he’ll be home soon. And sometimes it’s really hard—the quiet woman in her forties, dressed to the nines with a pensive look on her face, who asks to be dropped off in a seedy part of town and whose face doesn’t invite small talk.
Jin doesn’t know why, exactly, he decided to become a taxi driver. He knew from a young age that he was no prize when it came to book-smarts, and that most of the academic talent in the family had gone to his younger brother Reio. Jin isn’t stupid, but he’s not the type of guy you want operating on your brain, because sometimes he forgets where he’s put his cereal when it’s sitting in his lap, and he’s certainly not the kind of guy you want managing your hedge fund, because he really has no concept of numbers larger than a dozen, because that’s how many glazed donuts come in a box of Krispy Kremes, or how many eggs come in the box at the convenience store.
His mom had wanted him to be an idol, with his pretty face and his even prettier voice. She’d sent a photo of him into Johnny’s but Jin…Jin didn’t want to go. Jin didn’t have the attention span or the desire for pop-stardom; he was popular in school, and good at sports. Donning a sparkly suit and singing about rainbows like “those fags in Arashi” (as his friend Josh used to say) didn’t really hold the same appeal as donning a soccer jersey and scoring the game-winning goal.
Jin didn’t really think there was anything he wanted to do with his life, until he learned how to drive when he was seventeen. His dad had stalled on teaching him for months after his friends had started learning, certain that Jin was going to crash the car, or kill an elderly pedestrian, or something heinous, but Jin had turned out to be a natural. He drove through the neighborhood streets with the ease of a veteran, his eyes darting around corners noticing every danger long before his father could even process them.
Later, Jin’s dad boasted to Jin’s mom that Jin was going to be the best driver in the family. Certainly better than Jin’s mom, who sometimes backs her car into trees or runs into fire hydrants on clear, normal days for no reason. Jin, until then, hadn’t really been praised for much. (He’d never gotten any good at soccer.)
That’s maybe when Jin decided he might like to drive cars for a living. But Jin still doesn’t know what made him decide to become a taxi driver. But it’s therapeutic to stick his arm out the window at five in the morning and shake the ashes off his cigarette, and wait to see what mysterious stranger will climb in his taxi next.
***
Sometimes, some real whack-jobs get into the back of Jin’s cab. One time, Jin had to take home three men in chicken suits from the police station, and they had sang Irish drinking songs the whole way back to their house. And that lady that talked to plants and then listened to the plant’s answers. And that guy that thought his kitten was his girlfriend. And that clown…Jin shudders at the memory of the clown. He’s never looked at Poptarts the same, since the clown.
Tonight is shaping up to be one of those nights.
The chick that climbs in at three am is screaming into the phone at someone, her boyfriend maybe. Her hysterical shrieking is audible before she even opens the back door, and Jin winces at the sound of her voice. He looks into his rearview mirror as she slams the door. Her mascara is running down her face as she drunkenly sobs into the mouthpiece, her acrylic nails digging into her own palm.
“Where to, Miss?” Jin asks, dropping his cigarette onto the road and buckling his seatbelt. He revs the engine and starts the fare-counter, looking calmly back at her, trying to radiate the kind of big brother persona that usually calms these types down.
“Do you know Lakeview Apartments?” she asks, and Jin nods, barely resisting the urge to give a low whistle. Pretty ritzy part of town, and yeah, he knows it. Takes a lot of drunk businessmen back to the area from the red light district on Thursdays. It feels like he’s running a shuttle bus when he does that beat, so a lot of times he’ll stick closer to the baseball stadium, for a little variety in his customers.
“Got it,” he says, and takes off. Jin takes the quick route—he likes the way the streetlights flash on the freeway, and the empty roads that let him drive just a little higher than the speed limit. Jin likes to drive fast, just not too fast, because that’s when…that’s when accidents happen. He supposes they can happen when you drive slow, too, but Jin doesn’t really have experience with that. And he can’t resist just a little speed, and loves the way the wind blows his long hair back and tickles his eyelashes through the open window. He loves how he feels like a bird, soaring for the brief moment he’s got his foot on the gas. He loves how he’s in control of this massive machine and it does his bidding twelve hours a day, every day. He loves how when he’s rushing down the freeway, he’s not Akanishi Jin, he’s just a blur in the midst of hundreds of blurs, going somewhere that only he knows. Sometimes he feels like it’s all a race, but there’s no winner at the end, not really. Only the return of reality when he pulls the car to a stop at his destination. There’s no race here.
The girl’s sobs have quieted when Jin reaches the apartment complex. She’s just sniffling now, her eyes—they’re really pretty, her eyes, he notices in the mirror—glassy with unshed tears and her lips still quivering. “Have you ever been in love?” she asks him when she hands him the fare, hand trembling.
Jin thinks about the roar of a 340 cubic-inch V-8 engine humming around him. “Yes,” he says, but then his hand clenches around the money, crushing it. “But not with a person,” he adds. He looks up at the girl and smiles. “But I’ve been told love has its ups and downs.”
The girl offers him a watery grin. “I don’t know why I keep coming back,” she says. “But I guess the only thing it could be is love.” She looks forlornly up at the apartment building, her eyes focusing on a lit room. “I’ve tried to leave, many times, but it’s like…no matter what, I can’t forget the thrill.”
Jin knows the feeling. His hands grip the steering wheel tightly, and the girl smiles. “Thanks for the lift,” she offers sardonically. Her mascara looks like melted chocolate around her eyes, and has bled all the way down her cheeks, marring her smooth skin in a way that Jin finds disturbing, for some reason.
“Be careful,” he yells out the window as she walks away, for some reason, and the girl doesn’t turn around before walking into the building. As she’s walking in, a man walks out, brushing past her. He waves at Jin, just as Jin is about to drive off. Jin takes his foot off the gas, and waits.
“Oh thank God,” the man huffs as he scrambles into the back seat. He’s wearing sunglasses that obscure his face, even though it’s the middle of the night and the sun’s got about 4 hours before it starts to climb its way into the sky. “I thought I was going to be late for work! My car won’t start.” The man is frowning down at his designer watch. It’s horrific, Jin thinks, all pink and sparkly and clashing with the man’s dark designer jeans and snappy blazer. Jin’s own track jacket looks shabby in comparison.
“And where might work be?” Jin prompts the man with a little grin. The stranger in his car is clearly flustered, and Jin thinks it’s pretty cute. He likes it when interesting people get in his cab.
“Ah,” the man says, “right. Do you know where Minamoto-cho is?”
Jin hums thoughtfully to himself. “Near Kinokuniya?” he asks finally, as the man shifts behind him.
“Yes!,” the man says quickly. “Actually, if you drop me there I can walk the rest of the way.”
Jin raises an eyebrow at the man in the mirror. “I could just take you to your job if you give me directions,” Jin replies, and the man shifts anxiously.
“No, that’s quite alright,” the man says, finally, and Jin shrugs and revs the engine. It’s quiet in the car as the man thumbs through phone aimlessly, and Jin turns on the radio. Some crap pop song is playing, and Jin sings along because it’s catchy.
“You’ve got a pretty voice,” the man in the back says, and Jin flushes. “It’s really good. You’re hitting all those high notes.”
“You into music?” Jin offers, and the man is quiet for a minute.
“Yeah, I like it,” he finally says, and Jin grins at him.
“My mom wanted me to be an idol.” The man in the back starts, his fingers tapping nervously on the leather seat. He chuckles a bit, and Jin likes the sound of his laugh. It’s kind of smooth, and rippling, and makes Jin feel a little warm inside.
“Mine too,” he says, and in a flash of streetlights, Jin can see that the man’s hair is a rather startling shade of blond, and that it’s a bit curly.
Jin cracks a grin. “Moms are crazy,” he says, and the man grins back. Jin stops at a traffic light, and takes a minute to rest his eyes on his passenger. Something about him oozes charisma.
“Yeah,” the man agrees. “Crazy.” Jin thinks the man might be looking at him, but he can’t tell through the sunglasses.
“Why are you wearing sunglasses?” he wants to ask, but he doesn’t know if it’s appropriate to question the sartorial habits of his passengers. So instead he asks “What kind of car?”
“What?” the man questions, his fingertips pausing their repetitive tapping motion.
“What kind of car do you drive?” Jin repeats, and then smiles back at the man. “I like cars,” he says by way of explanation.
“Toyota Lexus,” he answers, and Jin makes a delighted sound.
“Nice engine in those!” Jin says excitedly, and the man laughs awkwardly, and it’s a really good laugh, Jin thinks again. “Nice maneuverability too. Takes turns well.”
“I don’t know shit about cars,” he replies and drags his hand through his wavy hair. “Like, I liked the way it looked, so I bought it.”
Jin’s mouth quirks. “As good a reason as any.”
“If you like cars so much, why are you a taxi driver?” The man asks curiously.
Jin bites his lower lip. “I drive all night long, every night,” Jin says. “This is a great job.”
“As good a reason as any,” the man echoes, and they both laugh, just a little. “I haven’t been in a taxi in years.”
“Oh yeah?” Jin lilts, and the man finally smiles a real smile at him.
“Yeah, I like to drive my own car,” and Jin nods in understanding. Being behind the wheel is power. Jin respects people who like driving.
The man’s phone rings. “Yamashita,” he says, as puts the phone to his ear. “Yeah, I’ll be there soon,” he says into the phone, leaning back against the seat and lolling his head to the side. “My car wouldn’t start so I had to catch a taxi.” The voice on the other end starts yelling, and the man, Yamashita, Jin corrects in his head, holds the phone a bit away from his face. “Relax, it’s fine. No problems. Do I look like Kamenashi to you?” Yamashita and whoever’s on the other end of the line share a chuckle, and then Yamashita looks out the window. “I’ll be there in ten. Can you explain to Ryo before I get there so he doesn’t climb up my ass?” Jin likes the way Yamashita’s eyes follow the scenery—he’s the sort of man who has trouble being a passenger, Jin can tell. “Kay, bye Koyama.”
Jin is pulling up in front of Kinokuniya Books now, and pulling over. “Are you sure I can’t take you all the way, sir?”
The man smiles softly, and shakes his head. “It’s best if you don’t,” he says. “Thanks, by the way, you were a real life-saver.”
Jin winks. “Just doing my job.” Yamashita hesitates when he hands over the fare.
“I don’t suppose you…” Yamashita shakes his head. “No, never mind,” he says.
“You’ll never get anyone to say yes to anything if you never ask,” Jin quips, and the man’s eyebrows lift above his large glasses. Jin really wishes he could see the man’s eyes, to see how they fit in his almost perfectly sculpted face. In the glowing lamps, his cheekbones look carved from marble.
“Well, I don’t suppose you take appointments? I might need a ride home, and…this was nice.” Jin grins at him.
“Is that all?” He fishes a card out of his cluttered dashboard, and offers it to the man. “Call me and I’ll pick you up. As long as it’s after six. I sleep from 6 AM to 6 PM.”
Yamashita beams. “Thanks.” He hesitates again. “What’s…your name?” He looks almost frightened to ask, and Jin doesn’t really get it.
“Akanishi Jin. And you’re Yamashita, according to how you answer the phone.”
Yamashita bites his lip. “Yeah, that’s me.”
“Alright then, Yamashita, I’ll see you later,” Jin says, and then shakes his hair out of his face, pushing his bangs back.
Yamashita finally climbs out of the cab, but looks back at Jin one last time. His mouth parts as a passing car illuminates Jin’s face for the first time. “Your mom was right,” he says a little incredulously. “You do kind of look like an idol.”
“It’s just the hair,” Jin mutters. “My one vanity. I look awful with short hair.”
Yamashita nods, and then shuts the door. Jin watches him dash off, wondering what he does for a living that has him going at this time of day.
Jin thinks tonight was alright. He looks at the dash. Four-forty. A man in zebra patterned pants is flagging him down. One more crazy tonight, and then Jin is going to bed.
He bites his lip. And then, later, he’ll pick up Yamashita.
As he drives his last customer home, the freeway feels a lot like the straightaway. He can see the checkered flags in the distance, showing him the finish line.
***
Yamashita’s face is scrubbed pink when he gets into Jin’s taxi at seven-thirty that night. The air is humid, and Yamashita is wearing a knit hat anyway. The sun is setting, but the sunglasses are still firmly perched on his nose.
“Hello, Akanishi,” Yamashita says, and Jin tingles at hearing his name in that voice. It really is a nice voice, Jin thinks. Not nice in the traditional way, but it’s a very recognizable voice. Jin can see him better in this light, and he notices that the voice is coming out from a perfectly shaped mouth. Yamashita yawns, and sinks into the seat. “Home please,” he says, and Jin nods.
“Long day, Yamashita?”
“The longest,” Yamashita mutters. “I love my job, and I hate my job.” He scratches his ear, and then frowns down at his lap. “Do you like your job?”
“Yeah,” Jin says, because he does. Just driving and driving, all day, and getting paid for it. “I really do.”
“That’s good,” Yamashita says. “Must be nice, to be doing what you wanna do, without strings attached.”
Jin frowns. It’s not quite how he sees it.
“I like what I do too,” Yamashita says through another yawn. “But sometimes I wish I did anything else.” He pulls his hat down over his ears now, making little tufts of permed hair stick out strangely at the edges. “How long have you been a taxi driver?”
“About a year,” Jin replies.
“How old are you?” Yamashita is more talkative than he was this morning, Jin thinks.
“Twenty-six,” Jin answers.
Yamashita nods. “A year older than me, huh? What did you do, before you were a taxi driver?”
Jin’s lips press into a line. “Another job.” His voice probably sounds cold, but Jin likes talking about now, not then.
Yamashita looks at him, a little quizzically, Jin thinks, but he can’t tell because of the goddamned shades. “Oh,” he says. “Okay.”
Jin tries to restart the conversation. “What do you do?”
Yamashita inexplicably flushes. “Oh this and that,” he says. “I’m sort of a…freelancer.”
Jin nods. “Cool.”
Yamashita grins. “It’s cool sometimes,” he says, and then he’s quiet. “Aren’t you hot in that jacket?”
Jin shrugs, and Yamashita leans back.
He dozes off for the rest of the ride, and Jin gets out of the car to shake him awake when they get to Lakeview. Yamashita groggily shakes himself, then stares at Jin as he slowly comes fully awake. “We’re here,” Jin says softly, and smiles slightly.
“Thanks,” Yamashita says, his voice husky with sleep. He tilts his head to the side slightly though, when he sees Jin from a certain angle. “Why do you look so familiar?”
Jin frowns and shoves his hands in his pockets. “I dunno,” he mumbles, and Yamashita shrugs, shaking the thought away. He hands Jin the fare.
“Thanks, again.” Yamashita offers a last smile, and disappears into his building.
Jin thinks this was one of the more strange encounters he’s had in the past year. As he gets back into the driver’s seat, his baby purring to life underneath him, he wonders if he’ll ever see Yamashita again.
This time, when he restarts the car, he sees a glimmer of fire in the corner of his eyes, and his breath stops.
***
Jin’s roommate Josh is a mechanic. They’d been friends since they were kids, and Josh had moved to Japan with his family. Jin thought it would be cool to have an American friend, and he and Josh had communicated in pidgin Japanese and English until they’d both become more proficient in each other’s tongue.
Josh and Jin have perfectly opposite schedules that allow them to share two meals a day, where they catch up on each other’s lives. Josh has been particularly keen on seeing Jin as much as he can, ever since Jin’s accident. Like he’s afraid one day Jin is going to disappear.
“Had an interesting passenger today,” Jin tells Josh as they eat cereal at 6 AM. Josh is on his way to work, and Jin is on his way to sleep. “A real mystery.”
“Oh yeah?” Josh says around a bite of some nasty chocolate concoction that Jin might be slightly jealous of, but he knows he can’t eat that much sugar and expect to sleep.
“Yeah. Twice actually. He rode in my cab twice. Rich guy with interesting hair.”
Josh narrows his eyes. “What was interesting about him?” Josh has his hair pulled back with some kind of furry headband, and his t-shirt says ‘I <3 Japan.’ Jin thinks Josh might pass for an interesting passenger, if he didn’t already know everything about him.
“Real cagey about everything,” Jin says, and then shrugs. “I dunno, just thought he was interesting. You know people are the interesting part of my job.”
Josh is quiet, looking down at his cereal. “Are you really going to just be a taxi driver forever?”
Jin swallows the bite of cornflakes in his mouth. “What’s wrong with being a taxi driver?”
“Jin,” Josh starts, and then stops. He fishes around for words, but comes up empty. His brow sets in determination. “I just think it’s time you…”
“Stop,” Jin warns, hands gripping his spoon tight enough to bend it. “Just stop.”
Josh sighs, and stands up, depositing his bowl in the sink. “Fine, Jin. Do what you want.”
Now Jin’s cornflakes don’t taste like anything, but it’s not like they did in the first place.
***
One week later, Jin sees Yamashita again at a most unexpected place. He’s sitting outside the baseball stadium, waiting for a passenger to hop in, when he sees a man he’s pretty sure is Yamashita restraining a smaller, wiry looking man who is railing at a taxi driver. He can’t see Yamashita’s face, but the pink watch is a dead give-away.
Jin sighs and get out of the car, walking over. He recognizes the driver, an older guy by the name of Shinoda. Jin always runs into him after sports games. “What’s going on here, Shinoda?” Jin asks. Yamashita looks up at Jin’s voice, and he looks relieved.
Jin pauses to gulp, because he’s seeing Yamashita’s eyes for the first time, and they’re better than he could have imagined. Thick eyelashes frame the top and bottom of deep black pools, and the irises themselves reflect almost no light, making his eyes look almost like a doll’s. But the shape is an interesting one. His face is striking, Jin thinks. Gorgeous, in a strange and otherworldly kind of way.
“Akanishi,” Shinoda says gruffly. “This little guy has a reputation among taxi drivers, I won’t take him anywhere.”
“It was ONE TIME, and no one listened to my side of the story,” the smaller man huffs, and Yamashita’s face takes on a pained look of long suffering that brings a smirk to hover at the edge of Jin’s lips.
“I’ll take them,” Jin says to Shinoda, who growls and gets back in his cab. “You two, come with me.”
“Thanks, Akanishi,” Yamashita says, and Yamashita’s friend turns narrowed eyes on the both of them. Jin can’t resist gulping, because the little guy is intimidating, and on closer inspection he has really huge biceps and he looks strong. “Kamenashi here has sort of a bad track record with taxi drivers.”
“Shut up,” Kamenashi scowls. “Seriously, it was one time, and they act like I’m unstable.” Jin thinks he might be unstable too, with his black painted fingernails and bulging arms and crazy streaked hair. He looks like some wacky alien rock star, and Jin wonders if he’s going to start foaming at the mouth. “Nothing to say, taxi boy?” Kamenashi hisses at him. “Everyone else always has something to say, about how I offended your kind, or something.”
Jin frowns. “No, why would I? I don’t even know what you supposedly did.” Kamenashi pauses, and searches his face for deceit, or for something else, Jin doesn’t know what.
“Seriously? It was all over the news,” Kamenashi mumbles, significantly calmer now that he’s not being all defensive.
“I don’t watch TV,” Jin says plaintively. “If I’m not sleeping, I’m driving. Or walking my dog. Or playing with my niece, and the only shows she watches are magical girl anime shows. So unless you assaulted a taxi driver in one of those,” and Jin looks Kamenashi up and down, because taking a second look, the idea of Kamenashi being in a magical girl anime isn’t really all that ludicrous, “then I don’t know you from the next guy.”
Kamenashi appraises him all over again, and then squints at Yamashita. “So is this your pet taxi driver, Yamapi?” Yamashita flushes, and Jin bristles.
“You need to calm down,” Jin says, “or I’ll take Yamashita home in the cab and you can ride in the trunk until you adjust your attitude.”
Kamenashi’s mouth drops open, as if it’s been a long time since someone talked back to him. Yamashita looks like he wants to laugh but is barely holding it in. Jin’s just annoyed. Something weird is going on, and he feels like he’s missing a puzzle piece in this whole situation, but time is ticking. This is Jin’s job. “Do you guys need a ride, or what?”
“Yes, yes,” Yamashita says, and flushes again. “Sorry, we’re both a bit too tipsy to drive my car home.” Jin wonders if that’s why Yamashita’s eyes are so glassy, or if he just has naturally luminous eyes.
“So you’re just going to leave that pretty little Lexus here?” Jin questions, and Kamenashi is watching with his beady eyes. His thin eyebrows are slightly raised in confusion as to why Jin knows what kind of car Yamashita drives, but Jin doesn’t really care what Kamenashi thinks, because he’s sort of a prick, maybe just because he’s drunk, but Jin gets the impression he might just be a diva.
“Someone will pick it up later,” Yamashita says mysteriously. “Do you remember where I live?”
Jin smiles at him easily, because Yamashita has such a nice voice. Kamenashi gets sulkily into the cab. “Yeah, I remember,” says Jin, fingering his keys. “Let’s go.”
Jin has trouble focusing on the road, because Kamenashi is staring daggers at him and he just wants to keep looking at Yamashita’s face, to re-imprint it in his mind with those interesting eyes.
So he just sings along with the radio as he drives. “You have a lovely voice,” Kamenashi’s nasal tone reverberates through the car. “It’s quite pretty.” He sounds surprised at himself, and Jin’s surprised too. He smiles warmly at Kamenashi in the mirror.
“Thanks,” he says, and Kamenashi’s eyes widen before they narrow again calculatingly.
“He looks familiar,” Jin hears Kamenashi murmur to Yamashita as they climb out of the car. “Why does he look familiar?”
Yamashita frowns at Kamenashi, impatience tingeing his voice for the first time tonight that Jin has heard. “Go inside, Kame.”
He turns to Jin. “Thanks for everything, Akanishi. I appreciate the lift.” He shifts his eyes toward where Kamenashi is walking toward his building. “And your patience.”
Jin laughs. “Anytime, Yamashita. You can always call me if you need a ride.”
Yamashita’s smile is even better when Jin can see his eyes.
Jin’s heart hasn’t beat this fast since the last time--
***
Jin remembers the first time his dad took him to a specialty garage. All of the cars, lined up, in various states of construction. He remembers looking in awe at the engines, gleaming silver and looking so powerful—as powerful as over 800 horses working together.
Whenever Jin drives a car, he imagines it’s kind of like a chariot, drawn by that collective power.
Jin ran his hands over half-finished bodies and nitrogen tanks and cold, hard steel, and he never felt more like he belonged.
The smell of gasoline and smoke was an addictive cocktail, and Jin breathed it in with vigor. It only burned a little in his lungs.
Jin remembers seeing the finished cars, and itching to set their engines running, purring beneath him like an angry tiger. It’s the first time he fell in love.
***
Yuu’s house is always full of life, despite the fact that there are only two inhabitants.
Shirota Yuu isn’t really Jin’s brother, but after years of knowing each other, they’ve totally become family. Jin remembers the first time he met Jun and Yuu, who were both tall and awkward and totally uncool, and Jin was expected to make nice because their parents were close friends with his.
Jin doesn’t really remember how he felt then, because now he can’t imagine his life without them.
Yuu has a five-year-old daughter, from some affair when he was twenty, but Jin doesn’t know much about Lina’s mother, only that Lina is fucking adorable, and he wants to see her and play with her all the time.
Jin is playing with his niece when he receives a call from an unknown number on his cell.
“Hello?” he says, and then winces as Lina tugs particularly hard on his hair. She’s braiding it into a crown on his head, because “Uncle Jin has the best hair,” and apparently every grown man needs to look like a pretty princess in Lina’s world.
“Lina, Jin is trying to answer the phone,” Yuu says chidingly, and Lina frowns at him until he relents.
“Um, Akanishi?” asks a hesitant voice on the other end of the line, and Jin struggles to place the familiar voice.
“Yamashita?” he asks, a little surprised. Lina is pulling his head back, now, and Jin is trying to hold the phone up to his ear despite the distraction. “What’s up?”
“I’m sorry, are you busy?” Yamashita’s voice sounds a little high pitched, like he’s nervous.
“Not really,” Jin says. “I’m getting my hair coiffed.” He uses a posh accent, and it makes Yamashita laugh. “My niece slash hairdresser is being a little rough though,” he adds, and Lina giggles.
“Are you busy tonight? I need a ride home from my job at like three am.”
Jin smiles. “No I can do that. Where should I pick you up? Kinokuniya?”
Yamashita coughs. “No, Tokyo Tower this time,” he says, and Jin raises an eyebrow. “There’s never parking,” Yamashita elaborates.
“Sure. 3 AM at Tokyo Tower. Say…Parking Lot 4?”
Yamashita makes a sound of agreement. “Sounds good,” he says. “Thanks. You’re so helpful,” he adds.
“It is my job,” Jin replies, but doesn’t tell Yamashita that he rarely gives out his cell number to customers. “See you later.”
When Jin hangs up the phone, Yuu is staring at him. “Who was that?” Jin finds himself blushing inexplicably.
“Just a guy I drive sometimes,” Jin says, and Yuu looks hard at Jin. Lina is pulling hard on Jin’s hair, tiny fingers struggling to braid.
“You gave him your cell number?” Yuu’s voice is mild, but pointed.
“He’s…interesting,” Jin says, after a minute of silence. “I don’t know.”
“It’s good to see you coming out of your shell, Jin. We’ve all been worried about you, you know. You’ve become like a different person since—“
“Why does everyone always want to talk about it?” Jin says sharply, and Lina shrinks back at his voice.
Jin scoops her up into a hug, and then lays back on the floor, lifting her above him with his arms outstretched. “Don’t worry, Princess,” Jin says. “Your daddy is just being…nosy!”
Yuu groans. “Don’t start teaching her to make fun of my nose from such a young age!”
The tension is broken as Jin laughs at Yuu’s pained expression. “Well, she doesn’t have it, at least!” Jin retorts. “So she should get to tease you!”
Later, when Jin is leaving, Yuu stops hm with a hand on his shoulder. “No seriously Jin. When you were on the phone today, your eyes…it was like seeing you, you know, before.”
Jin looks solemnly at Yuu. “That me might be gone forever, man,” he says at length.
Yuu’s face is soft. “I don’t think so,” he replies. “I think we’ll all see him again someday.”
Jin has no answer. He just leaves.
***
Sometimes Jin sits and looks at pictures of himself, and runs his fingers over his own smile, and wonders how to get the light to come back into his eyes.
He thinks he knows that the answer is only to be found with his hands gripping a padded leather wheel, while the nylon of a safety belt cuts an X into his chest.
But that’s not really the answer he wants, so he keeps looking for another one.
Part 2
Pairing: Pin
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jin is taxi driver. One day Yamashita gets in his cab, and it's all engines go.
Notes: GUYS I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS HAPPENED OKAY. OKAY?! IT JUST DID AND IT SPIRALED OUT OF CONTROL ASDFGHJKL. (I've lost my AU virginity. I'm going to go eat some delicious ice-cream.) thank you carlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Jin likes this job. He likes two things in particular—driving random places at all hours of the night, and meeting all sorts of bizarre strangers. He tries to guess their back-stories sometimes, figure out where they’re coming from and where they’re going. Sometimes it’s easy—the drunk salaryman who climbs into the back after hugging his friends goodbye and then slurs to his wife on the phone that he’ll be home soon. And sometimes it’s really hard—the quiet woman in her forties, dressed to the nines with a pensive look on her face, who asks to be dropped off in a seedy part of town and whose face doesn’t invite small talk.
Jin doesn’t know why, exactly, he decided to become a taxi driver. He knew from a young age that he was no prize when it came to book-smarts, and that most of the academic talent in the family had gone to his younger brother Reio. Jin isn’t stupid, but he’s not the type of guy you want operating on your brain, because sometimes he forgets where he’s put his cereal when it’s sitting in his lap, and he’s certainly not the kind of guy you want managing your hedge fund, because he really has no concept of numbers larger than a dozen, because that’s how many glazed donuts come in a box of Krispy Kremes, or how many eggs come in the box at the convenience store.
His mom had wanted him to be an idol, with his pretty face and his even prettier voice. She’d sent a photo of him into Johnny’s but Jin…Jin didn’t want to go. Jin didn’t have the attention span or the desire for pop-stardom; he was popular in school, and good at sports. Donning a sparkly suit and singing about rainbows like “those fags in Arashi” (as his friend Josh used to say) didn’t really hold the same appeal as donning a soccer jersey and scoring the game-winning goal.
Jin didn’t really think there was anything he wanted to do with his life, until he learned how to drive when he was seventeen. His dad had stalled on teaching him for months after his friends had started learning, certain that Jin was going to crash the car, or kill an elderly pedestrian, or something heinous, but Jin had turned out to be a natural. He drove through the neighborhood streets with the ease of a veteran, his eyes darting around corners noticing every danger long before his father could even process them.
Later, Jin’s dad boasted to Jin’s mom that Jin was going to be the best driver in the family. Certainly better than Jin’s mom, who sometimes backs her car into trees or runs into fire hydrants on clear, normal days for no reason. Jin, until then, hadn’t really been praised for much. (He’d never gotten any good at soccer.)
That’s maybe when Jin decided he might like to drive cars for a living. But Jin still doesn’t know what made him decide to become a taxi driver. But it’s therapeutic to stick his arm out the window at five in the morning and shake the ashes off his cigarette, and wait to see what mysterious stranger will climb in his taxi next.
***
Sometimes, some real whack-jobs get into the back of Jin’s cab. One time, Jin had to take home three men in chicken suits from the police station, and they had sang Irish drinking songs the whole way back to their house. And that lady that talked to plants and then listened to the plant’s answers. And that guy that thought his kitten was his girlfriend. And that clown…Jin shudders at the memory of the clown. He’s never looked at Poptarts the same, since the clown.
Tonight is shaping up to be one of those nights.
The chick that climbs in at three am is screaming into the phone at someone, her boyfriend maybe. Her hysterical shrieking is audible before she even opens the back door, and Jin winces at the sound of her voice. He looks into his rearview mirror as she slams the door. Her mascara is running down her face as she drunkenly sobs into the mouthpiece, her acrylic nails digging into her own palm.
“Where to, Miss?” Jin asks, dropping his cigarette onto the road and buckling his seatbelt. He revs the engine and starts the fare-counter, looking calmly back at her, trying to radiate the kind of big brother persona that usually calms these types down.
“Do you know Lakeview Apartments?” she asks, and Jin nods, barely resisting the urge to give a low whistle. Pretty ritzy part of town, and yeah, he knows it. Takes a lot of drunk businessmen back to the area from the red light district on Thursdays. It feels like he’s running a shuttle bus when he does that beat, so a lot of times he’ll stick closer to the baseball stadium, for a little variety in his customers.
“Got it,” he says, and takes off. Jin takes the quick route—he likes the way the streetlights flash on the freeway, and the empty roads that let him drive just a little higher than the speed limit. Jin likes to drive fast, just not too fast, because that’s when…that’s when accidents happen. He supposes they can happen when you drive slow, too, but Jin doesn’t really have experience with that. And he can’t resist just a little speed, and loves the way the wind blows his long hair back and tickles his eyelashes through the open window. He loves how he feels like a bird, soaring for the brief moment he’s got his foot on the gas. He loves how he’s in control of this massive machine and it does his bidding twelve hours a day, every day. He loves how when he’s rushing down the freeway, he’s not Akanishi Jin, he’s just a blur in the midst of hundreds of blurs, going somewhere that only he knows. Sometimes he feels like it’s all a race, but there’s no winner at the end, not really. Only the return of reality when he pulls the car to a stop at his destination. There’s no race here.
The girl’s sobs have quieted when Jin reaches the apartment complex. She’s just sniffling now, her eyes—they’re really pretty, her eyes, he notices in the mirror—glassy with unshed tears and her lips still quivering. “Have you ever been in love?” she asks him when she hands him the fare, hand trembling.
Jin thinks about the roar of a 340 cubic-inch V-8 engine humming around him. “Yes,” he says, but then his hand clenches around the money, crushing it. “But not with a person,” he adds. He looks up at the girl and smiles. “But I’ve been told love has its ups and downs.”
The girl offers him a watery grin. “I don’t know why I keep coming back,” she says. “But I guess the only thing it could be is love.” She looks forlornly up at the apartment building, her eyes focusing on a lit room. “I’ve tried to leave, many times, but it’s like…no matter what, I can’t forget the thrill.”
Jin knows the feeling. His hands grip the steering wheel tightly, and the girl smiles. “Thanks for the lift,” she offers sardonically. Her mascara looks like melted chocolate around her eyes, and has bled all the way down her cheeks, marring her smooth skin in a way that Jin finds disturbing, for some reason.
“Be careful,” he yells out the window as she walks away, for some reason, and the girl doesn’t turn around before walking into the building. As she’s walking in, a man walks out, brushing past her. He waves at Jin, just as Jin is about to drive off. Jin takes his foot off the gas, and waits.
“Oh thank God,” the man huffs as he scrambles into the back seat. He’s wearing sunglasses that obscure his face, even though it’s the middle of the night and the sun’s got about 4 hours before it starts to climb its way into the sky. “I thought I was going to be late for work! My car won’t start.” The man is frowning down at his designer watch. It’s horrific, Jin thinks, all pink and sparkly and clashing with the man’s dark designer jeans and snappy blazer. Jin’s own track jacket looks shabby in comparison.
“And where might work be?” Jin prompts the man with a little grin. The stranger in his car is clearly flustered, and Jin thinks it’s pretty cute. He likes it when interesting people get in his cab.
“Ah,” the man says, “right. Do you know where Minamoto-cho is?”
Jin hums thoughtfully to himself. “Near Kinokuniya?” he asks finally, as the man shifts behind him.
“Yes!,” the man says quickly. “Actually, if you drop me there I can walk the rest of the way.”
Jin raises an eyebrow at the man in the mirror. “I could just take you to your job if you give me directions,” Jin replies, and the man shifts anxiously.
“No, that’s quite alright,” the man says, finally, and Jin shrugs and revs the engine. It’s quiet in the car as the man thumbs through phone aimlessly, and Jin turns on the radio. Some crap pop song is playing, and Jin sings along because it’s catchy.
“You’ve got a pretty voice,” the man in the back says, and Jin flushes. “It’s really good. You’re hitting all those high notes.”
“You into music?” Jin offers, and the man is quiet for a minute.
“Yeah, I like it,” he finally says, and Jin grins at him.
“My mom wanted me to be an idol.” The man in the back starts, his fingers tapping nervously on the leather seat. He chuckles a bit, and Jin likes the sound of his laugh. It’s kind of smooth, and rippling, and makes Jin feel a little warm inside.
“Mine too,” he says, and in a flash of streetlights, Jin can see that the man’s hair is a rather startling shade of blond, and that it’s a bit curly.
Jin cracks a grin. “Moms are crazy,” he says, and the man grins back. Jin stops at a traffic light, and takes a minute to rest his eyes on his passenger. Something about him oozes charisma.
“Yeah,” the man agrees. “Crazy.” Jin thinks the man might be looking at him, but he can’t tell through the sunglasses.
“Why are you wearing sunglasses?” he wants to ask, but he doesn’t know if it’s appropriate to question the sartorial habits of his passengers. So instead he asks “What kind of car?”
“What?” the man questions, his fingertips pausing their repetitive tapping motion.
“What kind of car do you drive?” Jin repeats, and then smiles back at the man. “I like cars,” he says by way of explanation.
“Toyota Lexus,” he answers, and Jin makes a delighted sound.
“Nice engine in those!” Jin says excitedly, and the man laughs awkwardly, and it’s a really good laugh, Jin thinks again. “Nice maneuverability too. Takes turns well.”
“I don’t know shit about cars,” he replies and drags his hand through his wavy hair. “Like, I liked the way it looked, so I bought it.”
Jin’s mouth quirks. “As good a reason as any.”
“If you like cars so much, why are you a taxi driver?” The man asks curiously.
Jin bites his lower lip. “I drive all night long, every night,” Jin says. “This is a great job.”
“As good a reason as any,” the man echoes, and they both laugh, just a little. “I haven’t been in a taxi in years.”
“Oh yeah?” Jin lilts, and the man finally smiles a real smile at him.
“Yeah, I like to drive my own car,” and Jin nods in understanding. Being behind the wheel is power. Jin respects people who like driving.
The man’s phone rings. “Yamashita,” he says, as puts the phone to his ear. “Yeah, I’ll be there soon,” he says into the phone, leaning back against the seat and lolling his head to the side. “My car wouldn’t start so I had to catch a taxi.” The voice on the other end starts yelling, and the man, Yamashita, Jin corrects in his head, holds the phone a bit away from his face. “Relax, it’s fine. No problems. Do I look like Kamenashi to you?” Yamashita and whoever’s on the other end of the line share a chuckle, and then Yamashita looks out the window. “I’ll be there in ten. Can you explain to Ryo before I get there so he doesn’t climb up my ass?” Jin likes the way Yamashita’s eyes follow the scenery—he’s the sort of man who has trouble being a passenger, Jin can tell. “Kay, bye Koyama.”
Jin is pulling up in front of Kinokuniya Books now, and pulling over. “Are you sure I can’t take you all the way, sir?”
The man smiles softly, and shakes his head. “It’s best if you don’t,” he says. “Thanks, by the way, you were a real life-saver.”
Jin winks. “Just doing my job.” Yamashita hesitates when he hands over the fare.
“I don’t suppose you…” Yamashita shakes his head. “No, never mind,” he says.
“You’ll never get anyone to say yes to anything if you never ask,” Jin quips, and the man’s eyebrows lift above his large glasses. Jin really wishes he could see the man’s eyes, to see how they fit in his almost perfectly sculpted face. In the glowing lamps, his cheekbones look carved from marble.
“Well, I don’t suppose you take appointments? I might need a ride home, and…this was nice.” Jin grins at him.
“Is that all?” He fishes a card out of his cluttered dashboard, and offers it to the man. “Call me and I’ll pick you up. As long as it’s after six. I sleep from 6 AM to 6 PM.”
Yamashita beams. “Thanks.” He hesitates again. “What’s…your name?” He looks almost frightened to ask, and Jin doesn’t really get it.
“Akanishi Jin. And you’re Yamashita, according to how you answer the phone.”
Yamashita bites his lip. “Yeah, that’s me.”
“Alright then, Yamashita, I’ll see you later,” Jin says, and then shakes his hair out of his face, pushing his bangs back.
Yamashita finally climbs out of the cab, but looks back at Jin one last time. His mouth parts as a passing car illuminates Jin’s face for the first time. “Your mom was right,” he says a little incredulously. “You do kind of look like an idol.”
“It’s just the hair,” Jin mutters. “My one vanity. I look awful with short hair.”
Yamashita nods, and then shuts the door. Jin watches him dash off, wondering what he does for a living that has him going at this time of day.
Jin thinks tonight was alright. He looks at the dash. Four-forty. A man in zebra patterned pants is flagging him down. One more crazy tonight, and then Jin is going to bed.
He bites his lip. And then, later, he’ll pick up Yamashita.
As he drives his last customer home, the freeway feels a lot like the straightaway. He can see the checkered flags in the distance, showing him the finish line.
***
Yamashita’s face is scrubbed pink when he gets into Jin’s taxi at seven-thirty that night. The air is humid, and Yamashita is wearing a knit hat anyway. The sun is setting, but the sunglasses are still firmly perched on his nose.
“Hello, Akanishi,” Yamashita says, and Jin tingles at hearing his name in that voice. It really is a nice voice, Jin thinks. Not nice in the traditional way, but it’s a very recognizable voice. Jin can see him better in this light, and he notices that the voice is coming out from a perfectly shaped mouth. Yamashita yawns, and sinks into the seat. “Home please,” he says, and Jin nods.
“Long day, Yamashita?”
“The longest,” Yamashita mutters. “I love my job, and I hate my job.” He scratches his ear, and then frowns down at his lap. “Do you like your job?”
“Yeah,” Jin says, because he does. Just driving and driving, all day, and getting paid for it. “I really do.”
“That’s good,” Yamashita says. “Must be nice, to be doing what you wanna do, without strings attached.”
Jin frowns. It’s not quite how he sees it.
“I like what I do too,” Yamashita says through another yawn. “But sometimes I wish I did anything else.” He pulls his hat down over his ears now, making little tufts of permed hair stick out strangely at the edges. “How long have you been a taxi driver?”
“About a year,” Jin replies.
“How old are you?” Yamashita is more talkative than he was this morning, Jin thinks.
“Twenty-six,” Jin answers.
Yamashita nods. “A year older than me, huh? What did you do, before you were a taxi driver?”
Jin’s lips press into a line. “Another job.” His voice probably sounds cold, but Jin likes talking about now, not then.
Yamashita looks at him, a little quizzically, Jin thinks, but he can’t tell because of the goddamned shades. “Oh,” he says. “Okay.”
Jin tries to restart the conversation. “What do you do?”
Yamashita inexplicably flushes. “Oh this and that,” he says. “I’m sort of a…freelancer.”
Jin nods. “Cool.”
Yamashita grins. “It’s cool sometimes,” he says, and then he’s quiet. “Aren’t you hot in that jacket?”
Jin shrugs, and Yamashita leans back.
He dozes off for the rest of the ride, and Jin gets out of the car to shake him awake when they get to Lakeview. Yamashita groggily shakes himself, then stares at Jin as he slowly comes fully awake. “We’re here,” Jin says softly, and smiles slightly.
“Thanks,” Yamashita says, his voice husky with sleep. He tilts his head to the side slightly though, when he sees Jin from a certain angle. “Why do you look so familiar?”
Jin frowns and shoves his hands in his pockets. “I dunno,” he mumbles, and Yamashita shrugs, shaking the thought away. He hands Jin the fare.
“Thanks, again.” Yamashita offers a last smile, and disappears into his building.
Jin thinks this was one of the more strange encounters he’s had in the past year. As he gets back into the driver’s seat, his baby purring to life underneath him, he wonders if he’ll ever see Yamashita again.
This time, when he restarts the car, he sees a glimmer of fire in the corner of his eyes, and his breath stops.
***
Jin’s roommate Josh is a mechanic. They’d been friends since they were kids, and Josh had moved to Japan with his family. Jin thought it would be cool to have an American friend, and he and Josh had communicated in pidgin Japanese and English until they’d both become more proficient in each other’s tongue.
Josh and Jin have perfectly opposite schedules that allow them to share two meals a day, where they catch up on each other’s lives. Josh has been particularly keen on seeing Jin as much as he can, ever since Jin’s accident. Like he’s afraid one day Jin is going to disappear.
“Had an interesting passenger today,” Jin tells Josh as they eat cereal at 6 AM. Josh is on his way to work, and Jin is on his way to sleep. “A real mystery.”
“Oh yeah?” Josh says around a bite of some nasty chocolate concoction that Jin might be slightly jealous of, but he knows he can’t eat that much sugar and expect to sleep.
“Yeah. Twice actually. He rode in my cab twice. Rich guy with interesting hair.”
Josh narrows his eyes. “What was interesting about him?” Josh has his hair pulled back with some kind of furry headband, and his t-shirt says ‘I <3 Japan.’ Jin thinks Josh might pass for an interesting passenger, if he didn’t already know everything about him.
“Real cagey about everything,” Jin says, and then shrugs. “I dunno, just thought he was interesting. You know people are the interesting part of my job.”
Josh is quiet, looking down at his cereal. “Are you really going to just be a taxi driver forever?”
Jin swallows the bite of cornflakes in his mouth. “What’s wrong with being a taxi driver?”
“Jin,” Josh starts, and then stops. He fishes around for words, but comes up empty. His brow sets in determination. “I just think it’s time you…”
“Stop,” Jin warns, hands gripping his spoon tight enough to bend it. “Just stop.”
Josh sighs, and stands up, depositing his bowl in the sink. “Fine, Jin. Do what you want.”
Now Jin’s cornflakes don’t taste like anything, but it’s not like they did in the first place.
***
One week later, Jin sees Yamashita again at a most unexpected place. He’s sitting outside the baseball stadium, waiting for a passenger to hop in, when he sees a man he’s pretty sure is Yamashita restraining a smaller, wiry looking man who is railing at a taxi driver. He can’t see Yamashita’s face, but the pink watch is a dead give-away.
Jin sighs and get out of the car, walking over. He recognizes the driver, an older guy by the name of Shinoda. Jin always runs into him after sports games. “What’s going on here, Shinoda?” Jin asks. Yamashita looks up at Jin’s voice, and he looks relieved.
Jin pauses to gulp, because he’s seeing Yamashita’s eyes for the first time, and they’re better than he could have imagined. Thick eyelashes frame the top and bottom of deep black pools, and the irises themselves reflect almost no light, making his eyes look almost like a doll’s. But the shape is an interesting one. His face is striking, Jin thinks. Gorgeous, in a strange and otherworldly kind of way.
“Akanishi,” Shinoda says gruffly. “This little guy has a reputation among taxi drivers, I won’t take him anywhere.”
“It was ONE TIME, and no one listened to my side of the story,” the smaller man huffs, and Yamashita’s face takes on a pained look of long suffering that brings a smirk to hover at the edge of Jin’s lips.
“I’ll take them,” Jin says to Shinoda, who growls and gets back in his cab. “You two, come with me.”
“Thanks, Akanishi,” Yamashita says, and Yamashita’s friend turns narrowed eyes on the both of them. Jin can’t resist gulping, because the little guy is intimidating, and on closer inspection he has really huge biceps and he looks strong. “Kamenashi here has sort of a bad track record with taxi drivers.”
“Shut up,” Kamenashi scowls. “Seriously, it was one time, and they act like I’m unstable.” Jin thinks he might be unstable too, with his black painted fingernails and bulging arms and crazy streaked hair. He looks like some wacky alien rock star, and Jin wonders if he’s going to start foaming at the mouth. “Nothing to say, taxi boy?” Kamenashi hisses at him. “Everyone else always has something to say, about how I offended your kind, or something.”
Jin frowns. “No, why would I? I don’t even know what you supposedly did.” Kamenashi pauses, and searches his face for deceit, or for something else, Jin doesn’t know what.
“Seriously? It was all over the news,” Kamenashi mumbles, significantly calmer now that he’s not being all defensive.
“I don’t watch TV,” Jin says plaintively. “If I’m not sleeping, I’m driving. Or walking my dog. Or playing with my niece, and the only shows she watches are magical girl anime shows. So unless you assaulted a taxi driver in one of those,” and Jin looks Kamenashi up and down, because taking a second look, the idea of Kamenashi being in a magical girl anime isn’t really all that ludicrous, “then I don’t know you from the next guy.”
Kamenashi appraises him all over again, and then squints at Yamashita. “So is this your pet taxi driver, Yamapi?” Yamashita flushes, and Jin bristles.
“You need to calm down,” Jin says, “or I’ll take Yamashita home in the cab and you can ride in the trunk until you adjust your attitude.”
Kamenashi’s mouth drops open, as if it’s been a long time since someone talked back to him. Yamashita looks like he wants to laugh but is barely holding it in. Jin’s just annoyed. Something weird is going on, and he feels like he’s missing a puzzle piece in this whole situation, but time is ticking. This is Jin’s job. “Do you guys need a ride, or what?”
“Yes, yes,” Yamashita says, and flushes again. “Sorry, we’re both a bit too tipsy to drive my car home.” Jin wonders if that’s why Yamashita’s eyes are so glassy, or if he just has naturally luminous eyes.
“So you’re just going to leave that pretty little Lexus here?” Jin questions, and Kamenashi is watching with his beady eyes. His thin eyebrows are slightly raised in confusion as to why Jin knows what kind of car Yamashita drives, but Jin doesn’t really care what Kamenashi thinks, because he’s sort of a prick, maybe just because he’s drunk, but Jin gets the impression he might just be a diva.
“Someone will pick it up later,” Yamashita says mysteriously. “Do you remember where I live?”
Jin smiles at him easily, because Yamashita has such a nice voice. Kamenashi gets sulkily into the cab. “Yeah, I remember,” says Jin, fingering his keys. “Let’s go.”
Jin has trouble focusing on the road, because Kamenashi is staring daggers at him and he just wants to keep looking at Yamashita’s face, to re-imprint it in his mind with those interesting eyes.
So he just sings along with the radio as he drives. “You have a lovely voice,” Kamenashi’s nasal tone reverberates through the car. “It’s quite pretty.” He sounds surprised at himself, and Jin’s surprised too. He smiles warmly at Kamenashi in the mirror.
“Thanks,” he says, and Kamenashi’s eyes widen before they narrow again calculatingly.
“He looks familiar,” Jin hears Kamenashi murmur to Yamashita as they climb out of the car. “Why does he look familiar?”
Yamashita frowns at Kamenashi, impatience tingeing his voice for the first time tonight that Jin has heard. “Go inside, Kame.”
He turns to Jin. “Thanks for everything, Akanishi. I appreciate the lift.” He shifts his eyes toward where Kamenashi is walking toward his building. “And your patience.”
Jin laughs. “Anytime, Yamashita. You can always call me if you need a ride.”
Yamashita’s smile is even better when Jin can see his eyes.
Jin’s heart hasn’t beat this fast since the last time--
***
Jin remembers the first time his dad took him to a specialty garage. All of the cars, lined up, in various states of construction. He remembers looking in awe at the engines, gleaming silver and looking so powerful—as powerful as over 800 horses working together.
Whenever Jin drives a car, he imagines it’s kind of like a chariot, drawn by that collective power.
Jin ran his hands over half-finished bodies and nitrogen tanks and cold, hard steel, and he never felt more like he belonged.
The smell of gasoline and smoke was an addictive cocktail, and Jin breathed it in with vigor. It only burned a little in his lungs.
Jin remembers seeing the finished cars, and itching to set their engines running, purring beneath him like an angry tiger. It’s the first time he fell in love.
***
Yuu’s house is always full of life, despite the fact that there are only two inhabitants.
Shirota Yuu isn’t really Jin’s brother, but after years of knowing each other, they’ve totally become family. Jin remembers the first time he met Jun and Yuu, who were both tall and awkward and totally uncool, and Jin was expected to make nice because their parents were close friends with his.
Jin doesn’t really remember how he felt then, because now he can’t imagine his life without them.
Yuu has a five-year-old daughter, from some affair when he was twenty, but Jin doesn’t know much about Lina’s mother, only that Lina is fucking adorable, and he wants to see her and play with her all the time.
Jin is playing with his niece when he receives a call from an unknown number on his cell.
“Hello?” he says, and then winces as Lina tugs particularly hard on his hair. She’s braiding it into a crown on his head, because “Uncle Jin has the best hair,” and apparently every grown man needs to look like a pretty princess in Lina’s world.
“Lina, Jin is trying to answer the phone,” Yuu says chidingly, and Lina frowns at him until he relents.
“Um, Akanishi?” asks a hesitant voice on the other end of the line, and Jin struggles to place the familiar voice.
“Yamashita?” he asks, a little surprised. Lina is pulling his head back, now, and Jin is trying to hold the phone up to his ear despite the distraction. “What’s up?”
“I’m sorry, are you busy?” Yamashita’s voice sounds a little high pitched, like he’s nervous.
“Not really,” Jin says. “I’m getting my hair coiffed.” He uses a posh accent, and it makes Yamashita laugh. “My niece slash hairdresser is being a little rough though,” he adds, and Lina giggles.
“Are you busy tonight? I need a ride home from my job at like three am.”
Jin smiles. “No I can do that. Where should I pick you up? Kinokuniya?”
Yamashita coughs. “No, Tokyo Tower this time,” he says, and Jin raises an eyebrow. “There’s never parking,” Yamashita elaborates.
“Sure. 3 AM at Tokyo Tower. Say…Parking Lot 4?”
Yamashita makes a sound of agreement. “Sounds good,” he says. “Thanks. You’re so helpful,” he adds.
“It is my job,” Jin replies, but doesn’t tell Yamashita that he rarely gives out his cell number to customers. “See you later.”
When Jin hangs up the phone, Yuu is staring at him. “Who was that?” Jin finds himself blushing inexplicably.
“Just a guy I drive sometimes,” Jin says, and Yuu looks hard at Jin. Lina is pulling hard on Jin’s hair, tiny fingers struggling to braid.
“You gave him your cell number?” Yuu’s voice is mild, but pointed.
“He’s…interesting,” Jin says, after a minute of silence. “I don’t know.”
“It’s good to see you coming out of your shell, Jin. We’ve all been worried about you, you know. You’ve become like a different person since—“
“Why does everyone always want to talk about it?” Jin says sharply, and Lina shrinks back at his voice.
Jin scoops her up into a hug, and then lays back on the floor, lifting her above him with his arms outstretched. “Don’t worry, Princess,” Jin says. “Your daddy is just being…nosy!”
Yuu groans. “Don’t start teaching her to make fun of my nose from such a young age!”
The tension is broken as Jin laughs at Yuu’s pained expression. “Well, she doesn’t have it, at least!” Jin retorts. “So she should get to tease you!”
Later, when Jin is leaving, Yuu stops hm with a hand on his shoulder. “No seriously Jin. When you were on the phone today, your eyes…it was like seeing you, you know, before.”
Jin looks solemnly at Yuu. “That me might be gone forever, man,” he says at length.
Yuu’s face is soft. “I don’t think so,” he replies. “I think we’ll all see him again someday.”
Jin has no answer. He just leaves.
***
Sometimes Jin sits and looks at pictures of himself, and runs his fingers over his own smile, and wonders how to get the light to come back into his eyes.
He thinks he knows that the answer is only to be found with his hands gripping a padded leather wheel, while the nylon of a safety belt cuts an X into his chest.
But that’s not really the answer he wants, so he keeps looking for another one.
Part 2
