wow look at me screwing up html ajsdlkfjalwkjelfkjalsfjk OH WELL
Eventually, they make it back out into the hallway, and Jongin is giddy with all these tiny triumphs.
Sehun replies, and Jongin thinks about straightening bowties and mint toothpaste and rose scented soap, and it feels like his heart is beating con brio.
Jongin doesn’t miss Kai at all. Jongin just lies in bed and presses his fingers to his lips and recalls how it feels to have Sehun smile against them.
OH WAH. JUST WAH. am i allowed to smile now?? peeking through my fingertips in hope
But more and more, Jongin doesn’t want to share.
More and more, Jongin wants Kai to be nothing more than a name Jongin uses when he performs, and not a part of Jongin’s life that’s out of his hands.
is it bad if i said "YOU GO JONGIN" out loud. jongin is better, darling. infinitely better.
Are you going to come out today? Jongin thinks at Kai. He’s not sure if Kai can hear him. But he thinks he sees that shifting shadow in his eyes that means Kai is there.
Jongin does the whole show by himself, and at the end of it, he’s sweating and shaking and nervous and alive, and he’s not sure if he’s going to be sick or if he’s going to run and do a hundred, a thousand split jumps across the parking lot.
I'm DYING. IN THE BEST OF WAYS
ALSO THE ELEVES
ALSO That’s not what I mean, at all,” Sehun says mysteriously, and Jongin means to question him, but then Sehun circles Jongin’s wrist with his hand, middle finger resting on right on Jongin’s pulse, and Jongin even forgets to breathe.
YES. SEHUN. BECAUSE HE KNOWS but doesn't but kind of does anyway because. sehun. <3
ummm
umm
i don't even know what to say
only that jongin wins
or please let him win
and asjdklfjawlejralkjsdflajs basically. at the sex. and then chanyeol ASKING WHY IT'S SO CLEAN and resenting kai and this is going to work out. please make it work out
That must be crowded,” Sehun says, a laugh in his voice, and Jongin can feel Sehun’s fingernails scraping along his scalp, and Kai can have everything else but he can’t have this.
asjdlfkajwlekjral asdghhhhhhh
It anchors Jongin here in his own body, because it’s the most intuitive of touches; the first explorations of lips and hands and skin that want more than this.
And Jongin could live with Kai having everything else, but this moment, here and now… he can’t have this.
yes. forever yes. a thousand times yes.
If ballet is Jongin’s first love, then Oh Sehun is Jongin’s second, even bigger love.
Watching Sehun fills Jongin with that same restless energy, that same joie de vivre that Jongin finds between the notes in a score, balancing on his tiptoes as he seeks the sky with outstretched arms.
sobbing
“You,” Jongin says, and Kai lurks at the edges of Jongin’s vision but Jongin doesn’t want to share, “make me want to stay.”
“That’s good,” Sehun says. “Because I don’t want you to go.” Sehun smiles, sun breaking through the clouds, Relevé, Relevé, Relevé. “Where would you go, anyway?”
T_______________________________T <3
Jongin thinks he can say ‘I love you’ Kai’s way, too.
Jongin wants to say ‘I love you’ in every way, all by himself.
T______________T T_______T T_______T T_____T like hell.
no subject
Eventually, they make it back out into the hallway, and Jongin is giddy with all these tiny triumphs.
Sehun replies, and Jongin thinks about straightening bowties and mint toothpaste and rose scented soap, and it feels like his heart is beating con brio.
Jongin doesn’t miss Kai at all. Jongin just lies in bed and presses his fingers to his lips and recalls how it feels to have Sehun smile against them.
OH WAH. JUST WAH. am i allowed to smile now?? peeking through my fingertips in hope
But more and more, Jongin doesn’t want to share.
More and more, Jongin wants Kai to be nothing more than a name Jongin uses when he performs, and not a part of Jongin’s life that’s out of his hands.
is it bad if i said "YOU GO JONGIN" out loud. jongin is better, darling. infinitely better.
Are you going to come out today? Jongin thinks at Kai. He’s not sure if Kai can hear him. But he thinks he sees that shifting shadow in his eyes that means Kai is there.
Jongin does the whole show by himself, and at the end of it, he’s sweating and shaking and nervous and alive, and he’s not sure if he’s going to be sick or if he’s going to run and do a hundred, a thousand split jumps across the parking lot.
I'm DYING. IN THE BEST OF WAYS
ALSO THE ELEVES
ALSO That’s not what I mean, at all,” Sehun says mysteriously, and Jongin means to question him, but then Sehun circles Jongin’s wrist with his hand, middle finger resting on right on Jongin’s pulse, and Jongin even forgets to breathe.
YES. SEHUN. BECAUSE HE KNOWS but doesn't but kind of does anyway because. sehun. <3
ummm
umm
i don't even know what to say
only that jongin wins
or please let him win
and asjdklfjawlejralkjsdflajs basically. at the sex. and then chanyeol ASKING WHY IT'S SO CLEAN and resenting kai and this is going to work out. please make it work out
That must be crowded,” Sehun says, a laugh in his voice, and Jongin can feel Sehun’s fingernails scraping along his scalp, and Kai can have everything else but he can’t have this.
asjdlfkajwlekjral asdghhhhhhh
It anchors Jongin here in his own body, because it’s the most intuitive of touches; the first explorations of lips and hands and skin that want more than this.
And Jongin could live with Kai having everything else, but this moment, here and now… he can’t have this.
yes. forever yes. a thousand times yes.
If ballet is Jongin’s first love, then Oh Sehun is Jongin’s second, even bigger love.
Watching Sehun fills Jongin with that same restless energy, that same joie de vivre that Jongin finds between the notes in a score, balancing on his tiptoes as he seeks the sky with outstretched arms.
sobbing
“You,” Jongin says, and Kai lurks at the edges of Jongin’s vision but Jongin doesn’t want to share, “make me want to stay.”
“That’s good,” Sehun says. “Because I don’t want you to go.” Sehun smiles, sun breaking through the clouds, Relevé, Relevé, Relevé. “Where would you go, anyway?”
T_______________________________T <3
Jongin thinks he can say ‘I love you’ Kai’s way, too.
Jongin wants to say ‘I love you’ in every way, all by himself.
T______________T T_______T T_______T T_____T like hell.