thinks about Sehun’s hands pushing back through his hair, or the casual turn of Sehun’s body as he leans over to whisper in Lu Han’s ear.
aghhhhh <3
oh no. kai is there and oh no no no no
Jongin can feel the muscles in Sehun’s torso rise beneath his hands.
sobbing
almost feel Kai, even if he refuses to look at him, telling him to press a little closer; rest his chin on Sehun’s shoulder and…
But this is Jongin, and Jongin isn’t Kai
T__________________T
Kai would have been braver, Jongin thinks.
SJDLFKJSDLKFJLK
AND EVERYTHING AFTER THAT. JUST MORE SJDLKFJSLKDJFL BECAUSE. smiling and JONGIN and the shoes and oh, my heart.
It’s more that they just don’t care beyond whether his actions make them look bad or good, and maybe that hurts worse. Kai doesn’t care either, though, Jongin thinks. Or Kai is better at pretending he doesn’t care.
i'm just. just a mess now. because there is so much about this that i won't say because i can't put into words but my god how do you do it.
It’s not like he has a choice.
sjajdlafkjld;kjawlejrl
FIFTH POSITION. you are a genius. have i ever told you that?
okay and then
it's MANEGES and the others are waiting and KAI IS WAITING and sehun... sehun is just lovely. lovely and clueless? tears.
“You’re just supposed to be yourself,” Sungmin says, after a moment, but he doesn’t meet Kai’s eyes.
this is killing me dead forever
The bitterness in it is foreign and dark; the spooky woods at night in a horror film Jongin might watch through his fingers.
Kai doesn’t have an answer, because Kai and Jongin are two people but no one else knows that.
just. yes. yes. more dying. idk if i could die enough. fuck i love this too much and it hurts and that's bad isn't it? no? i mean i love it so much that i'm cursing at you T_T
and i think
i think spotting is my favorite so far
because after all that beauty and magnificence that is your characterizing and describing... there is sehun. and not getting dizzy. and you don't even specify who's doing it?? just "he" and who knows if it's kai or jongin or both or just. i love that so, so much. so much.
“It’s not an insult, Jongin. It’s supposed to look like that.”
SOBBING
Jongin wants to kiss him, but he never will.
oh man.
Jongin wonders if Kai is watching now, the way Jongin watches through his own eyes as Kai performs. He pushes the thought away as Sehun’s tightly gripping hand sends Jongin’s heart into perfectly executed pirouttes, finishing in an arabesque as Sehun smiles.
no subject
aghhhhh <3
oh no. kai is there and oh no no no no
Jongin can feel the muscles in Sehun’s torso rise beneath his hands.
sobbing
almost feel Kai, even if he refuses to look at him, telling him to press a little closer; rest his chin on Sehun’s shoulder and…
But this is Jongin, and Jongin isn’t Kai
T__________________T
Kai would have been braver, Jongin thinks.
SJDLFKJSDLKFJLK
AND EVERYTHING AFTER THAT. JUST MORE SJDLKFJSLKDJFL BECAUSE. smiling and JONGIN and the shoes and oh, my heart.
It’s more that they just don’t care beyond whether his actions make them look bad or good, and maybe that hurts worse. Kai doesn’t care either, though, Jongin thinks. Or Kai is better at pretending he doesn’t care.
i'm just. just a mess now. because there is so much about this that i won't say because i can't put into words but my god how do you do it.
It’s not like he has a choice.
sjajdlafkjld;kjawlejrl
FIFTH POSITION. you are a genius. have i ever told you that?
okay and then
it's MANEGES and the others are waiting and KAI IS WAITING and sehun... sehun is just lovely. lovely and clueless? tears.
“You’re just supposed to be yourself,” Sungmin says, after a moment, but he doesn’t meet Kai’s eyes.
this is killing me dead forever
The bitterness in it is foreign and dark; the spooky woods at night in a horror film Jongin might watch through his fingers.
Kai doesn’t have an answer, because Kai and Jongin are two people but no one else knows that.
just. yes. yes. more dying. idk if i could die enough. fuck i love this too much and it hurts and that's bad isn't it? no? i mean i love it so much that i'm cursing at you T_T
and i think
i think spotting is my favorite so far
because after all that beauty and magnificence that is your characterizing and describing... there is sehun. and not getting dizzy. and you don't even specify who's doing it?? just "he" and who knows if it's kai or jongin or both or just. i love that so, so much. so much.
“It’s not an insult, Jongin. It’s supposed to look like that.”
SOBBING
Jongin wants to kiss him, but he never will.
oh man.
Jongin wonders if Kai is watching now, the way Jongin watches through his own eyes as Kai performs. He pushes the thought away as Sehun’s tightly gripping hand sends Jongin’s heart into perfectly executed pirouttes, finishing in an arabesque as Sehun smiles.
T_____ T___________T T___________________T <3