You have that being-in-love feeling down so well. *_* It's exactly like that. (I was reading an article today about the urge to fall in love being biologically hardwired as much as the urge to like, eat.)
I started picking out favorite lines and ended up with like 20! But my absolute favorites were:
It’s more like dreaming of flying, and then waking up underground, with not even a glimpse of the sky and no idea in which direction you might find it.
You never know which Jiyong you’ll get
Jiyong knows the power he has over Seungri, and maybe that’s the worst part. He knows, just as much as Seungri knows. They both know, and Jiyong presses closer anyway
It’s like clockwork, Seungri thinks, because Jiyong loves to be in love. But then the chime sounds midnight, and the carriage reverts to a pumpkin, and Jiyong falls out of love as quickly as he falls in, and then he writes.
“No, maknae,” Jiyong says, and he nuzzles his nose into Seungri’s cheek. “I’m actually crazy.”
Seungri remembers when his confidence was real...Seungri, as strong as he is outside, feels so weak inside sometimes that he worries his mask will crack, and reveal just how ruined he’s become.
Jiyong’s in love with someone else again, and it isn’t Seungri. It’s never going to be Seungri, probably, and Seungri should bury these feelings as deep as he can because they’ve all got so much to lose.
Also, Seungri has always thought that for as much as Jiyong likes to touch, Jiyong doesn’t like to be touched, because when he’s being touched, he’s not in control.: is true of TOP as well (actually it's more true of TOP). But also yes to cat!Jiyong.
Anyway, this is a super-compelling chapter, and now I'm off to read the next one... I wonder sometimes whether Jiyong can really be as calculating in all of his interpersonal relationships as he is when he's on television. On the one hand, I think he comes from that kind of background (and has major problems separating himself from other people: I was reading an academic article on sadism today that talks about how it's actually a desire to take one role or another so you can separate yourself from your mother/reassure yourself that you won't destroy the thing you depend on for survival; and I was like hmmm) - both family background and growing-up-on-camera background. On the other hand, surely no one can keep that up all the time??? But maybe when he can't keep it up, he's alone.
I remember the moment when I went from "oh he's just misunderstood" to "wow there really isn't anything solid there at all, just an endless need to be admired by others, to control them, and to force them to never forget him. Madness!"
But then I also think Jiyong is, like, actually a four year old (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loevinger's_stages_of_ego_development#Self-Protective_stage_.28E3.29) and somewhat rueful about it; and that helps me keep a sense of perspective. (On that stages-of-ego-development chart, Taeyang is still rebelling against the "conformist" stage - where Seungri currently is - while TOP is at "impulsive" or baby-level.)
Also really like your characterization of Seungri in this chapter. Wanting to appear to be strong, more than actually being strong, because Jiyong likes strong people... (and in the beginning, being irrationally afraid of what would happen if he failed, more than confident he would succeed).
no subject
I started picking out favorite lines and ended up with like 20! But my absolute favorites were:
It’s more like dreaming of flying, and then waking up underground, with not even a glimpse of the sky and no idea in which direction you might find it.
You never know which Jiyong you’ll get
Jiyong knows the power he has over Seungri, and maybe that’s the worst part. He knows, just as much as Seungri knows. They both know, and Jiyong presses closer anyway
It’s like clockwork, Seungri thinks, because Jiyong loves to be in love. But then the chime sounds midnight, and the carriage reverts to a pumpkin, and Jiyong falls out of love as quickly as he falls in, and then he writes.
“No, maknae,” Jiyong says, and he nuzzles his nose into Seungri’s cheek. “I’m actually crazy.”
Seungri remembers when his confidence was real...Seungri, as strong as he is outside, feels so weak inside sometimes that he worries his mask will crack, and reveal just how ruined he’s become.
Jiyong’s in love with someone else again, and it isn’t Seungri. It’s never going to be Seungri, probably, and Seungri should bury these feelings as deep as he can because they’ve all got so much to lose.
Also, Seungri has always thought that for as much as Jiyong likes to touch, Jiyong doesn’t like to be touched, because when he’s being touched, he’s not in control.: is true of TOP as well (actually it's more true of TOP). But also yes to cat!Jiyong.
Anyway, this is a super-compelling chapter, and now I'm off to read the next one... I wonder sometimes whether Jiyong can really be as calculating in all of his interpersonal relationships as he is when he's on television. On the one hand, I think he comes from that kind of background (and has major problems separating himself from other people: I was reading an academic article on sadism today that talks about how it's actually a desire to take one role or another so you can separate yourself from your mother/reassure yourself that you won't destroy the thing you depend on for survival; and I was like hmmm) - both family background and growing-up-on-camera background. On the other hand, surely no one can keep that up all the time??? But maybe when he can't keep it up, he's alone.
I remember the moment when I went from "oh he's just misunderstood" to "wow there really isn't anything solid there at all, just an endless need to be admired by others, to control them, and to force them to never forget him. Madness!"
But then I also think Jiyong is, like, actually a four year old (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loevinger's_stages_of_ego_development#Self-Protective_stage_.28E3.29) and somewhat rueful about it; and that helps me keep a sense of perspective. (On that stages-of-ego-development chart, Taeyang is still rebelling against the "conformist" stage - where Seungri currently is - while TOP is at "impulsive" or baby-level.)
Also really like your characterization of Seungri in this chapter. Wanting to appear to be strong, more than actually being strong, because Jiyong likes strong people... (and in the beginning, being irrationally afraid of what would happen if he failed, more than confident he would succeed).