Author: A collaborative effort between halcyondusk and maayacola, and dishonor to both our houses, tbh, and both our cows too.
Pairing: Lu Han/Kai
Rating: Number one most pornographic (This is literally NC-500 because you will only be ready if you’ve already been dead for four centuries.)
Summary: Jongin is flush with more than success, Chanyeol and Jongdae are evil, Lu Han is possibly trying to help, and Kevin mostly wants to cover his eyes and pretend he hasn’t seen anything. (...”canon-verse”, 1bajillionk words, or 38k i guess)
PART I | PART II | PART III | PART IV | PART V | footnotes
Notes 1: revenge is beautiful, and may leadernim and hyperlydian suffer, tbh. SUFFER ALL THE SUFFERS. (also loudestoflove, who has been caught in the crossfire). this is in the same universe as Good Fuck Charm, by annie and konnie. consider it a side story that is much longer than the original (wc x10 whoops)...and much more upsetting, because maia and jo. thank you to sam and maryam for beta work, and to tiantian and chiharu for whipcracking, and to everyone who is still our friend after they read this.
Notes 2: the actual conversation between maia and jo—
maia: we can’t do this
jo: we really can’t
maia: it’s just... that’s just... i’m just...
jo: so i’ll open gdocs.
Notes 3: (jo) so i went on a one month hiatus (final exams stabs viciously) in the middle of writing this and when i came back and...reread what we had...i wanted to cry. because i had forgotten how ridiculous this entire thing was. this is crack. all of it. this is ridiculous. ALL OF IT. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Notes 4: (maia) alternative summary is: "i will orgasm my way to clarity!" jongin thinks, putting several fingers up his own butthole.
here’s a pic for reference: