Title:Quick on the Shoot
Author: A collaborative effort between [livejournal.com profile] halcyondusk and [livejournal.com profile] maayacola, and dishonor to both our houses, tbh, and both our cows too.
Pairing: Lu Han/Kai
Rating: Number one most pornographic (This is literally NC-500 because you will only be ready if you’ve already been dead for four centuries.)
Warnings:50% crack, 110% ridiculous, begging, humiliation, d&s, petplay, collars, humblers, masturbation, unprotected sex, dry orgasms, ball and cock torture, orgasm denial, biting and marking, whipping (drawing blood slightly), Kai’s new hair, mentions of threesomes, everyone is gay™, voyeurism, exhibitionism, semi-public sex, MAXSTEP costumes, sex toys, actual toys, Ace the alpaca, non-sexual deer, dirty talk, harem pants, rimming, assplay, teabagging, gagging, facials, temperature play, blindfolding, and way too many feels for one awkward teenage boy to handle.
Summary: Jongin is flush with more than success, Chanyeol and Jongdae are evil, Lu Han is possibly trying to help, and Kevin mostly wants to cover his eyes and pretend he hasn’t seen anything. (...”canon-verse”, 1bajillionk words, or 38k i guess)


PART I | PART II | PART III | PART IV | PART V | footnotes


Notes 1: revenge is beautiful, and may [livejournal.com profile] leadernim and [livejournal.com profile] hyperlydian suffer, tbh. SUFFER ALL THE SUFFERS. (also [livejournal.com profile] loudestoflove, who has been caught in the crossfire). this is in the same universe as Good Fuck Charm, by annie and konnie. consider it a side story that is much longer than the original (wc x10 whoops)...and much more upsetting, because maia and jo. thank you to sam and maryam for beta work, and to tiantian and chiharu for whipcracking, and to everyone who is still our friend after they read this.
Notes 2: the actual conversation between maia and jo—
maia: we can’t do this
jo: we really can’t
maia: it’s just... that’s just... i’m just...
jo: so i’ll open gdocs.
Notes 3: (jo) so i went on a one month hiatus (final exams stabs viciously) in the middle of writing this and when i came back and...reread what we had...i wanted to cry. because i had forgotten how ridiculous this entire thing was. this is crack. all of it. this is ridiculous. ALL OF IT. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Notes 4: (maia) alternative summary is: "i will orgasm my way to clarity!" jongin thinks, putting several fingers up his own butthole.
here’s a pic for reference:
Title: So Grow a Pair
Rating: NC-17 (sorry, Chiha.)
Pairing: Lu Han/Yixing, ((Lu Han/Yixing/Kris, but totally not the point))
Summary: Lu Han’s always been pretty, but he’s never been this pretty. Neither has Yixing, for that matter. (canon????, 7.8k)
Notes: FML have some xinglu genderswap ;____; This is obviously for [livejournal.com profile] chiharu, who wrote me krisyeol mpreg (sob), and this is me exacting my trope revenge. Super huge thank you to annie for reading this as I wrote it until 4am, and also thanks to saya, mc, and bing ^___^ I had a blast writing this, and in the end, it turned out ridiculous. :P
Notes ii: what if i could write crack.
Warnings: Added by request. I'm sorry for not initially including them!! This wasn't meant to be taken seriously, so it never occurred to me... Warnings for "threesome for no reason other than that i felt like it", "size queens", "unexplained magic that will never be explained," and "lu han with vague issues"  (It's just for fun. If you dislike really old fandom tropes and over-the-top characterizations that are exaggerated beyond accuracy, you probably won't like this.) 


Yixing's boobs are enormous )
sekai, pg-13 for june, 472 words (request: sehun, crossdressing w/ kai)


"This is the dumbest idea you've ever had" )




taochen, pg, for kc, 442 words (request: taochen, huddling for warmth)



Jongdae wishes he were taller )




taochen, pg-13, for katie, 768 words (request: but telepathy taochen tho)



"Nice ass," Zitao hears, like a whisper in the back of his mind )




xinglu, pg, for konnie, 568 words (request: accidental baby aquistion, xinglu)



"What am I supposed to do with it?" )
Title: Borderlines
Pairing: Lu Han/Jongin, OT12
Rating: PG-13
Length: 19.6k
Summary: When Jongin and Lu Han are chosen to travel through China together for a TVN reality show, Jongin certainly isn’t expecting things to get so complicated.
Notes: This was finished for [livejournal.com profile] one_if_by_land for the [livejournal.com profile] runandgun exchange in what I wish had been the most harrowing 36 hours of my exchange participating life. Still, I love this fic for a lot of reasons; one, because it gave me the chance to write a pairing I'd only briefly flirted with in the past; two, because my recipient was/is someone I sort of have starry-eyes over and I wanted to try to make her happy; and three, because I love writing about China more than anything because I love China. Also, stupid Maia, completely lame for forgetting to thank Linda( [livejournal.com profile] buzzbird) for the intial beta, because her last minute plothole corrections an invaluable tool. :)
Notes ii: A big thank you to Mec ([livejournal.com profile] notaverse) for picking this over for me before repost; I'm only sorry to have submitted it with so many errors!! <3 <3 
It was originally posted here :D


"So you're both going." )
Title: Stumbling Forward
Pairing: Kris/ Lu Han
Rating: NC-17
Summary: A series of firsts leave both Wu Fan and Lu Han in anticipation. (4k)
Notes: Dear Konnie, have that prompt. Inside of a much larger story. Sob.
Notes II: dirty talk square for kink_bingo.




Lu Han has a habit of appearing when Wu Fan least expects him. )

Title: stitch the skin together
Pairing: Sehun/ Lu Han
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Both of them have soft palms, and fingers that fit perfectly together, and Sehun doesn’t want to let go as they leave the stage. (3k)
Notes: for Jen, even if she deserves nothing for all the Baekhyun misery she puts me through.
Notes 2: I’ll take things I never thought I’d write for $500, Alex.




both of them have soft palms )

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