[personal profile] maayacolabackup
Title:Quick on the Shoot
Author: A collaborative effort between [livejournal.com profile] halcyondusk and [livejournal.com profile] maayacola, and dishonor to both our houses, tbh, and both our cows too.
Pairing: Lu Han/Kai
Rating: Number one most pornographic (This is literally NC-500 because you will only be ready if you’ve already been dead for four centuries.)
Warnings:50% crack, 110% ridiculous, begging, humiliation, d&s, petplay, collars, humblers, masturbation, unprotected sex, dry orgasms, ball and cock torture, orgasm denial, biting and marking, whipping (drawing blood slightly), Kai’s new hair, mentions of threesomes, everyone is gay™, voyeurism, exhibitionism, semi-public sex, MAXSTEP costumes, sex toys, actual toys, Ace the alpaca, non-sexual deer, dirty talk, harem pants, rimming, assplay, teabagging, gagging, facials, temperature play, blindfolding, and way too many feels for one awkward teenage boy to handle.
Summary: Jongin is flush with more than success, Chanyeol and Jongdae are evil, Lu Han is possibly trying to help, and Kevin mostly wants to cover his eyes and pretend he hasn’t seen anything. (...”canon-verse”, 1bajillionk words, or 38k i guess)


PART I | PART II | PART III | PART IV | PART V | footnotes


Notes 1: revenge is beautiful, and may [livejournal.com profile] leadernim and [livejournal.com profile] hyperlydian suffer, tbh. SUFFER ALL THE SUFFERS. (also [livejournal.com profile] loudestoflove, who has been caught in the crossfire). this is in the same universe as Good Fuck Charm, by annie and konnie. consider it a side story that is much longer than the original (wc x10 whoops)...and much more upsetting, because maia and jo. thank you to sam and maryam for beta work, and to tiantian and chiharu for whipcracking, and to everyone who is still our friend after they read this.
Notes 2: the actual conversation between maia and jo—
maia: we can’t do this
jo: we really can’t
maia: it’s just... that’s just... i’m just...
jo: so i’ll open gdocs.
Notes 3: (jo) so i went on a one month hiatus (final exams stabs viciously) in the middle of writing this and when i came back and...reread what we had...i wanted to cry. because i had forgotten how ridiculous this entire thing was. this is crack. all of it. this is ridiculous. ALL OF IT. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Notes 4: (maia) alternative summary is: "i will orgasm my way to clarity!" jongin thinks, putting several fingers up his own butthole.
here’s a pic for reference:

Date: 2012-12-03 07:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fond-of-pin.livejournal.com
I haven't read a single word yet, but I'm already laughing myself silly. The rating ..., the warnings ... , the notes ... and YAYYY, HUMBLERS! I always wanted to read about humblers in fanfic.

I'm sooo looking forward to read this. My bad I have to eat something first. But I probably won't survive this with one sandwich as my only meal today. I don't want anyone to blame your fic for my untimely death. So pizza first, and then reading for the rest of the night. YAY!

Date: 2012-12-03 09:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maayacola.livejournal.com
:D :D :D :D :D

Date: 2012-12-03 09:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freakemii.livejournal.com
I am looking forward to this but why is this posted on the day that I will be homeworking until the late hours of night dear god

Date: 2012-12-03 11:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] murrc4.livejournal.com
Can't wait to read. The Harem Pants warning alone should be enough to make everyone flock to read this one. \o/
Edited Date: 2012-12-03 11:31 pm (UTC)

Date: 2012-12-04 06:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] goopeculiar.livejournal.com
I haven't even started reading this yet but I cried as soon as I saw that a new story had been posted (because I love you).
then I cried some more when I read the warnings and the summary and the spoilers and, you know, all that (because I love you).
I don't know if I'll survive reading this. if I don't I just want you to know that I love you (in case I forgot to say so).

/creepy fangirl mode


ps. I love you.

Date: 2012-12-05 02:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] metrekone.livejournal.com
WHY IN FINALS WEEK DAMMIT

I just want to say that when i saw this I totally flipped. I am so damn excited to read this I kind of screamed at my screen for a couple minutes.

Date: 2012-12-05 07:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fercita.livejournal.com
I haven't read it but I'm already cackling evilly into the sun and babbling a steady stream of fuck yeahs into the horizon.

Also I have read Take it from the Top and In Monochrome but so far the title stories pull me in and tell me "You can review later, you just have to read this now. You can review later".

And I'm going to, there is no story of yours I haven't read that I didn't review, but the stories are whispering dirty things into my ears.

Also just to let you now your stories mutated and gave born to a very nasty plot bunny that keeps eating at me, so for the first time I'mma try my hand at EXO fan fiction and not only that, fan faction about real people, which was something I avoided like the plague. Then again, I used to avoid fan fiction about real people and even before that, I used to avoid fan fiction full stop.

I think I've come a long way, you just short of broke another wall.

Date: 2012-12-07 04:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] noble-arodwen.livejournal.com
Fucking dying because of Maia's alt summary

This might signal actual death upon reading. My lawyer will bill you the funeral fees.

Date: 2012-12-07 06:59 am (UTC)
ext_1379848: (Default)
From: [identity profile] aluzjonistka.livejournal.com
I have to go to school in 15 minutes but I'm so looking forward to read this because I'm already laughing like crazy.
I mean I don't know if I can handle 'Kai's new hair', it may be too much.
but I'm afraid my life won't be the same after reading, ah, I so can't wait!

Date: 2012-12-07 02:16 pm (UTC)
ext_1379848: (Default)
From: [identity profile] aluzjonistka.livejournal.com
I have to go to school in 15 minutes but I'm so looking forward to read this because I'm already laughing like crazy.
I mean I don't know if I can handle 'Kai's new hair', it may be too much.
but I'm afraid my life won't be the same after reading, ah, I so can't wait!

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